I remember social standings
stood standing on my own
My face all red and flustered
as I'd fidget with my phone.
And all it would have taken,
was a few kind simple words.
To break those chains of *******
to return me to the world.
Us humans we're a strange oul race
we all like to fit in,
and with our pack mentality
it's all about the win.
But what about those on the edge
the souls you choose to fail.
What is it, you think they feel
as you turn away.
See people carry things around
like weights around their neck
So please be understanding
and show them some respect.
Do onto them, all that you would
like done onto your own.
Meet them with a friendly smile,
or call them on the phone.
That call could make a difference
more than you'd ever know.
For its not really hard to care............
It helps us all to grow.
For its not really hard to love............
Its not that hard to show.

The thoughts I have consume me
I lose my feeling slowly
My spirit feels lost
In the shallow depths of my mind
I dwell in the dark, searching
For that last spark
The one that may save me,
From the chaos inside

I hold the blade close to my skin
My demons whisper in my ear why not
My angle loudly protests,
you can't she says
you have people that love you
You can't disappoint them
My demons whisper, its your choice
you shouldn't. It's not right.
To harm yourself, remember, harm none?
The demons whisper back, but self harm,
Harms no other. You only hurt yourself
it hurts the ones you love
where are the ones you love
When you need them?
They are not here.
You only have the blade
I finally break, I sink the blade deep
I am filled with remorse
Instant regret
But I knew it would happen, eventually
For you see, my demons,
Are numerous enough,
That all of them whispering,
Is still louder, then my single angel screaming.
And their temptation
Is sweet enough, to make me forget,
That the angel knows best.

i wish I could show you
the pictures I took today
on my first hike of spring

they are pretty spring flowers
so fragrant in bloom
lilacs and wildflowers

they tell me, in sweet whispers,
"spring is really, truly, here"
and I feel my winter blues, disappear

I cant say that this heals me
or fills me with joy
but it gives a small tint, of hope

as I watch the birds flitter
from branch to branch
I let my imagination soar.

I climb up to the tippy top of a tree.
and wait. after all is still,
nature resumes.

and I watch. and it gives me
hope.
and faith.

that life will go on.
even when I don't really want it too.

ick. its almost that day again.
the day I have to put a fake smile on my face
and say to you cheerfully
"mommy, I love you"

we both know I'm lying
I don't see why we pretend
It wont be a good day no matter what
you called today just to *****

plus, its my sisters birthday
what a mess
I have to deal with little kids
and her preppy bubbly behavior

I think im just gonna sleep tomorrow.
just sleep all day.
ill get in trouble for it, I know.
im supposed to be home early

but I don't care anyway.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really human.
People talk about me, mistreat me, cause trouble with me.
And I don't react.
I don't show anger or hurt, annoyance or frustration.
I don't start a fight nor will I finish one,
I merely pick up a pen and write about it
I don't resist. but I don't follow. I drift.
I get into my routines and they become my life.
Then they become me.
Then they become someone else,
and I watch that person go through these routines
as if they didn't affect me,
when in reality I am that person I am watching.
Sometimes, I wonder if I am me.

Evryone seems to think that just because I'm breathing
And my hearts still beating
Means I'm still alive

I don't think they could be anymore wrong.

My nails dig into my skin
As you tell me about how done you are
You say you're done doing everything for us,
Of going above and beyond.

I press harder into my skin,
As you tell me your don being nice
And that you no longer care.

I can feel my skin tear,
As I blinks away tears
That you never even see,
I block your voice from my ears.

A you drone on,
With your hateful words,
I simply stand and stare,
Into the distance, somewhere, not here.

I dimly hear muffled phrases
i hate having children...
Disrespectful little brats...
Stupid things can't do anything right...

As I feel my blood begin to flow,
I turn around and walk away,
Not even saying a word, not turning to see what you threw at me
I quietly shut your door, and walk away.

I stumble to my room,
Tears blurring my view
I lock myself in here,
Safely tucked away.

Authority figures will be the end of me.
They seem to think they can control me.
I can't even control myself,
Why do they think they can do it for me?

I wonder if they realize that it's their constant pressure
That's making me uncontrollable.
The stress of it makes me not able to function,
And it makes me crack into pieces,

These pieces fall uncontrollably
While I'm trying to pick them up
I frantically grab for them,
Moving too quickly, making more fall

And I have them always pushing me,
Never ending they poke and ****
And try to make me move quicker,
Not caring if they fall.

I carefully try to balance the pieces of me,
As I try to accomplish what they want done,
I scurry around trying to find what they want found
As pieces slip through my fingers,
I can't stop to pick them up

And realizing my endless task,
The impossibility of ever collecting them all
Or getting all these meaningless tasks done,
I give up. I sit down, and clutch what I've still got,
And try to stay as still as possible,  
In hopes that if I stay still enough, no more will fall.