this is not the time for this but
what can i do
i am sometimes powerless and
usually
not—

we play games—
scenes of debauchery—
you place upwards
and we crash against each other like waves
rumbling quick and messy
with spurts of pain and pleasure in the spaces we meet.

a word is sharp like metal
concepts are dulled and i can easily
but not without scars
run away from this.

i’ll explain away your stars
your scars
why we fought
why we stopped fighting
trace my finger to your date and attempt to give voice to unspoken expectations—
bartering my trust for your love.

give me the width of your shoulders
your hips
your knees
your feet
so that i can figure out a way to place myself with you without falling through the cracks.

solitude like a laundromat
i tremble my heart
knocking around
dry like a washing machine
you say slow

mighty in the ocean
creating tides i asked you to
calm for me
let me swim in you

you swell around me
spit i joke lapping
at my feet i wade in
run out
like a natural disaster at your wake

you love me ***** like a hurricane

everything in it’s place
the lawn mown
the grass left greener and fresh to grow again
as the sun rises and falls
the world spins in the hands of a toddler with a top
big eyed hopeful
luminous
round cheeks and belly
warm and humane
love is lost love is found
love is lost again
a whirlwind motorcyclist

yes, i will find myself one of those.
he will ask me to latch on to his leather-sleeved toughened arms
soft and hard
gripping rough and black
my motorcyclist
worn and weathered
take me into your heart and
into the stars
straight for the moon
sweet soft girl
tender hearted studded
bejeweled princess
rest your weary heart on my shoulder
no safety but my love in this moment
grab me

you kiss like a tragic miracle
you are the first.

i want to feel what you name this part
how wet
the same
and
yes i want to drool down your chest
biting big arms like bubblegum
my sweet body.

smeared cake,
sweet pacific.