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165.1k · Oct 2012
Wants
Deana Luna Oct 2012
And I just want to feel your breath
On my neck
And your *******
On my chest
And I just want to feel your lips
On my cheek
Telling me I’ll be okay
When I’m feeling awfully weak
And I just want to see your eyes
Meeting mine
Soft orbs of blue
Too mature for your time
And I just want to hear your voice
Whispering softly in my ear
Be here with me
Be near
I can’t handle this distance
Not only of miles, but of mind
I never could catch you
But god how long I tried.
3.9k · Oct 2012
Butch and Blonde
Deana Luna Oct 2012
Fresh laundry
***** combat boots
Grey ripped jeans
Dark honey eyes
You got a tattoo?? That's so cool
Looking up to you
Listening to every word
Your girlfriend?? Oh… your girlfriend… well, kind of… you know how that goes...
No chance
upset
crying
all alone
You call
Heart beats
Veins jump
Panic
Hi
I miss you
Pulse quickens
You… you do?
Butch
My introduction.
My undoing.
My torture.
But… but you're a girl…
Confusion.
So
much
confusion.
Hatred.
Can't tell mom.
You.
Butch
blonde
soft brown eyes
warm
like dark honey
mysterious
what are you?
who are you?
what are you doing to me?
dreams
indescribable
wake up
soaking wet
you do strange things to my head
I reach down
feels sticky
rubbing
you
you
butchandblonde
and brown eyed
doe eyed
hands moving faster
you
***** combat boots
ripped jeans
you
fresh laundry
tattoos
mindfuck
feel it building
waves through me
you
pushing into me
shaking
fingers lost
you
scream too loud
thank god no one's home
lying there for hours
heavy breathing
youyouyouyou
butchandblonde
About an infatuation from a long time ago...
3.5k · Dec 2015
fuck off don't fuck off
Deana Luna Dec 2015
you come to me unravelling from hiding spaces in moist wood
composting yourself as nature does
your head hanging low like vines
fluid as the streams running through me.

i: always convinced of my place as low hanging fruit,
see your streams and carry buckets for your leaks.
i am a fixer-upper.
Deana Luna Dec 2013
catch me like a fish
everlasting supplier of light rays-
warming the soul like a cup of hot tea on a sleepy sunday afternoon
- melancholic -

swaying the universe
the mermaids sing in the mornings
mesmerizing the sailors
and i am the singer and the mesmerized

i am free. i am free from the ropes. free from the chains of a dreary existence. i can feel it i can feel it on the tip of my eyelashes with the swells of tears pouring out.
- renewal - - relief -

i am a good girl. listener of tall tales and fantasies. spur of the moment night crawler caller.
i spin a beautiful web of fantastical clouds. from ropes to cakes.
pick your poison.

i am a bad girl. keeper of secrets. silent truths bundled under creative happiness and weakly disguised love affairs.
- blink and it’s over -

i’ll lie in your lap and watch you write-
spinning fantastical tales of glorious awakenings. new beginnings.-
pull my hair up to attention. i am here. i am wanted. want want grab me.
want//need. clever disguises. silent truths. wispy truths.
childhood pencil marks. pig tail sneakers.

truth drops into heads.
eyes drop onto the floor.
teeth sink into lips.
heart drops into stomach.
limbs fold over limbs and the being falls slowly upon itself.
when i wasn’t mine.
she wanted me more than she could stand. stabbed me with a ******* pencil. made my heart drop into my ******* stomach.
Deana Luna Jan 2013
I like being in charge sometimes.

I want to be choked and spanked and ******* and ****** hard.

I want to wear a strap-on in bed.

I want to be used.

I think about spanking you until your *** turns red.

I want to be slapped and called a ****.

But I melt when you call me babygirl.

I swoon because you’re a gentleman.

I smile when you’re cute and girly.

I want to cuddle and watch Disney movies.

I like having hot wax poured on my body.

I like to play with the candles on the table at fancy restaurants.

I like ice too.

I like to watch your pupils dilate when I look at you a certain way.

I like when you look at me in that certain way that makes me lose my breath and giggle.

It calms me down when you call me owlet when I’m stressed.

You give me warm and fuzzies when you call me your best friend.

Maybe I like you.

So maybe this isn’t so complicated.

*Maybe it’s really simple.
For the switch in my heart.
3.0k · Oct 2013
stiletto patriarchy
Deana Luna Oct 2013
you say it is disgusting for me to be naked.
you. you who opens up redtube as soon as you walk into your room.
you say that i should wear a bra to cover up. that no one would want to see the outline of my *******.
when you get hard thinking about taking off my shirt.
you tell me to put on a sweater so my bra straps don't show.
because you want to be the only one to see them. selfish you are. you.
you tell me i am a **** for sleeping with anyone i want.
then tell your friends all the ***** things i'll do once you **** me since i'm so "experienced".
you will never get to **** me.
you. you *******, pissfuck, wretched, privileged, puny COCKroach.
you tell me to calm down after you shove my head onto your lap and say "****"
you ask why i am so uptight. why i don't get that it was just a joke.
feminazi

you who creates the danger in my life then laughs when i take note of it.
you who creates threats to my safety and sanity then questions why i do not simply comply.
you who creates hostility. dismissal.
you who creates a life-threatening culture around the sacks of fat i have on my chest and the hole i have between my legs.
you mock me for gripping my keys walking next to you.

i was born naked. i will walk the streets naked. exept for the stilettos i will wear to punch a hole through your patriarchal *******.
Deana Luna Sep 2013
it's this passion, baby
passion gets old
it gets tired and
i, i, i feel tired. the lights are beginning to blur out of focus. i haven't felt much like myself lately. oh dear, where've i wandered off to again?

please. please take this squishy heart out of my soft chest.
i am so tired of its incessant beating. i try telling it to calm down and it never really listens. stupid thing.
please oh please take this anxious brain out of my heavy head.
i am exhausted from the way it tears me down. tears me to shreds. makes me cry.
everything inside me is against me.

if i could wish for one thing
it would be to stop feeling
for just one second.
i am so tired of feeling every little thing. every silent second.
every tick of the clock. empathy is not what i signed up for. get it out get it out

but when i feel everything i want numbness and when i'm numb i want to feel it all and i am never content with my lot and i think far too much and yes yes i have already thought that out and yes it ended badly for me it always does and yes i have thought about that too and yes it ended with me on the floor and won't you just turn my ******* brain off won't you just make it stop i don't want to feel any more i am so tired of feeling everything i need to make it all stop i just want to be numb to it all i don't want to feel i don't want to feel and i feel like a child

and what do i feel before i fall asleep?
all the what ifs and could've beens that drive me to insanity.
2.8k · Apr 2015
lipstick razerblades
Deana Luna Apr 2015
lipstick gripped in my pocket like a razor blade
i wear heavy layers to keep you away
so that even if we kiss you will not smudge away enough to feel me bare.
from the grand archive of sadness of winter
2.7k · Feb 2014
forget.me.not
Deana Luna Feb 2014
-forgetmenots-
he is a bouquet of forgetmenots and cigarette ash.
remember when there was no bed.
remember when i was so happy you were here on the floor with me.
forget me- he has.
always saying the worst before he goes. sticks stuck in my mind.
make a mess. you’re going to make a mess.
forget me- he does. but never lets me do the same.
remember- i do, forgetmenot.
but i will forget. the forgotten always forget.
mossy dead bones. green grows on even the most forgotten trees.

dreamy lover boys. remember when remember when.
remember when i said goodbye.
remember when you said take care.
remember when i hugged you too tight.
remember when i walked away.
2.5k · Jan 2013
Two-faced
Deana Luna Jan 2013
I don’t mind.
(but I do)

I haven’t thought about it since I heard it escape your lips.
(It’s been on replay)

Not at all.
(every minute)

It doesn’t bother me.
(can’t forget it)

I’m fine.
2.3k · May 2014
hyperbolic silly mess
Deana Luna May 2014
there is a spider crawling up my back
sending bite-sized shivers as he climbs up ascending vertebra
i think of you and he makes his way to my thighs
spilling rose hips perfume
medecine of angels
the drowning ache
the tingling between my toes
delirious drool language not meant for you to hear but meant for me to answer
Trembling
beneath this tiny mess of appendages and swoony eyes
i can see your mass traveling through each season
your soft tufts donning golden shimmers then glimmering at the dusk of white
but i knew you when the bees knew warmth
spitfire busy buzzing sweet melodies to the open flower fields
but i knew you when your bones kissed your skin too tight
before falling renewal and peachy light
spiders making their homes in unfamiliar hiding places
crawling hyperbolic
a silly old mess
2.2k · Jun 2013
Moonbeams
Deana Luna Jun 2013
She is in her moon tonight.
Exhaling the waves and singing love songs. (songs she was taught at a young age and still did not understand)
We haven’t met yet but I wait for her in this moonlight.

I watch her as she washes her
hair in the white beams
and cries tears of loneliness.

Let’s stop writing about the truth— let’s tell of lies.
Let’s escape this place, darlin.
It’s ****** us dry.
Let’s find a new place to thrive.

You’re a hot mess.
I know.
2.1k · May 2013
Sugar Daddy
Deana Luna May 2013
Bubble and pop
sweet baby darling
blow
*******, *****
and bring up all the sweet candy corn you can find.

shush and shake sweet honey babe
shush me and taste the shore with the tip of your tongue
can you taste the salt, sugar?
do you feel the rush, daddy?

chew me up like a piece of pink chunky bubble gum
and store me behind your ear.
draw me some cotton candy to munch on
and paint yourself a rocking chair to sit and watch.

*******, babe.
pin me up against the wall and down underneath you
let me be your pinup girl
pull my stockings up
and sit me down on your lap

give me smacks for bad behavior
and leave candy colored crimson smeared across my chin.

oh, sweet baby darling, don't you crave to swallow me whole?
1.9k · Mar 2015
ecosystems
Deana Luna Mar 2015
little lamb doing wolf damage
you watch me like prey
mouth open. drooling.
eyes filled to the brim with hunger.
i am filled to the brim and you can see it.
i’m blushing. bleeding.
you peel me like a plum.
plump and juicy in your palm. ripened you roll me
between your thumb and your forefinger.
squeeze out every last drop of sweetness.
still drooling over me. i am drooling over you.
i want to be eaten alive. anticipating it. dripping.

i am a forest and snails make their sticky paths down my thighs.
i am a forest and leaves bloom and swish as my fingernails grow.
i am a forest and branches grow in every place you touch. i am so big so tall so wise.
i grow and grow with each caress. birds fly out of my hair and sing love songs. my feet heady soil i am grounded. finally grounded.
i am a forest and you’re a seasoned explorer.
i am a forest and you’re the tiger stalking within my lushness for something to devour.
devour me.

i am tropical. i am palm trees and rare fruit. i am sap in your palms sticky and staying.
i am sitting open. staying open. i feel you crouch behind my reeds. you dig your claws deeper into wet soil.

you watch me like prey.
i watch myself dribble down your chin.
i am tropical. plum sweetness juice juice sticky sweet staying on fingertips staining your mouth.
i am coconuts cracked open on rocks ready ready to be consumed.
i am licked clean from ***** fingertips.
1.8k · Apr 2014
no pride
Deana Luna Apr 2014
mood change. swing. poke. pin. press. push. pain. growing tall for me. such a good boy. struggle for control//gives up quick. he knows i know what he wants. gets him off. quick slaps. hush hush right to business. on the floor. his knees. kisses up my thighs. beggar no pride left it at the door. -mine-. for the night. the hour. this minute.

his ******* queen.
the princess is still sleeping.
1.7k · Jul 2013
come back wanderer
Deana Luna Jul 2013
I had a dream last night that I put you
in danger
that you were hurt because of
me
is that why you left?
please please
i need you
i need you 1 am fresh presto after
castro movies
i need you orange juice and dark ***
forget me nots and tangents
forget me not how can you forget me so
faster moving you must
i miss you reggae and sunshine
freckles and flakiness
i can't do this without you
acoustic guitar in laundromat
halloween princess
hiding away and scaring me for years
come back cooking
and
japanese tea garden explorer
and keep exploring with me
come back wanderer
you have made a home within my heart
you must not part.
1.6k · Oct 2012
Happy Curves
Deana Luna Oct 2012
At night I like to rest my fingertips on the protruding hipbone that is still covered by a fleshy layer of cushion. Of fat.
Why do we shy away from that description so often?
Fat.
Those three letters haunted me more than anything for the past 7 years, and I would hear it all too often.
And when I didn't hear it, I'd see it in their eyes.
I was not like the rest of them.
No Abercrombie for this pudgy middle schooler, and no eating candy unless I wanted to be ridiculed and stereotyped.
But not until my senior year of high school did it finally get to me.
I stopped eating. One almond at most and nothing else.
Fat.
Fat.
Disgusting.
Shameful.
Ugly.
All synonymous in my head.
Now it's completely different.
I embrace my beautiful body.
Every curve, every scar, every red engrained stretch mark.
I wear them with pride.
I take off my shirt for my lovers without fear or shame.
My body is bigger than societies idealistic and impossible standards of beauty...
And thank
God
For
That.
1.6k · Jan 2013
Femme filth
Deana Luna Jan 2013
Okay
Tell me I'm cute
Tell me I'm adorable
aww, what cute bows you have in your hair!
You like having your dominance in public.
That's fine.
But let's see who's cute and adorable when I haul you over my lap and spank your ***.
Still cute?
Yeah
I didn't think so, little boi.
I like **** bois at my feet. What can I say?
1.6k · Dec 2013
i already know
Deana Luna Dec 2013
-  weak -

9 pm terribly.
this lump in my throat.

2:30 pm.
this lump in my throat.
icicle grass cracked beneath my feet.
i wanted to take off my boots and feel the ice between my toes.

- weaker -

4 pm.
heavyheadedheavyeyed after work.
missed. wished i could call.
but my fingers were too cold to find my phone.
ran home so i could feel my heart pumping rough against my chest again.

- weakest -

9 am.
snowing nightmares outside.
i'll walk naked in the white streets.
feel each snowflake melt on my ice body.
lie in glass grass and laugh at my teary cheeks.
pink. flushed.

where did she go off to?
1.5k · Dec 2012
Defeat
Deana Luna Dec 2012
There is a quiet defeat within me
whenever I accept one of your apologies.
1.5k · Feb 2014
a broken bone
Deana Luna Feb 2014
thoughts constant. never far from my mind.
you. you are inside me.
trying to draw you out like a fish from water
but i’m drowning instead.

first. i am first. on top. top *****.
my dear, don’t you think this is unreal?
metal that melts at my touch.
i can think no further. think nothing of it.

drowning in the midst of a stare. you to me. connected and broke. there is a connection. ///broken. snip.


-i wish he were more persistent-
1.5k · Jan 2013
Seafoam Lion
Deana Luna Jan 2013
You are so strong. You are so brave.
Yet you put on masks instead of your face.

You lie beneath them. You dissapear.
Thinking that you’re in the clear.

Seafoam lion, I see your soul.
You try to hide it-- it’s what you were told.

Your walk is not yet comfortable--
Your strides a little frail.
That roar is still hiding
Beneath your fear to fail.

My little cub, let me protect you.
I’m not much, but I’ll give you my all.
My king of the jungle, I feel your struggle,
And I will catch you if you fall.
1.5k · Apr 2013
Tactile
Deana Luna Apr 2013
Tactile
tattoo touch
feel my ink (touch me)
dig in deep (hurt me)
chills (make me moan)
luxuriously lifted

Shh stay quiet
don't let anyone
in.

Cat scratches
claw marks and
old souls
you and I

plagued and incessant
goodbyes
just as we said our hellos.

Shall we leave it at that or prolong this passion
because I'm a selfish *****
but a lovely babe

licking up your spine
and misplacing the remnants of time
tugging at the hair on your head
trying to find my way to the depths of your mind.
1.5k · Dec 2013
no fun//pass the rum
Deana Luna Dec 2013
lengthy
delayed decisions and recognitions from the wasted years. she looks and she does too and they do and he does. they look and try to find my substance. extract the core.
not much talking.
his sits on the floor away from him. turned away from him so he can't see it. and she looks directly at it. melts into my white blood cells//red.
blackandwhite nostalgia under christmas lights. another you. another you was here before. gone like the smoke from our cigarettes. we should stop this. smile and light me.
happy birthday princess. blah blah keeps talking.

these games are no fun. pass me the ***.
1.4k · Jul 2011
My Little Box
Deana Luna Jul 2011
Don't worry, I'll keep you right here in my little box for safekeeping.
I'll stow you away in my secret hiding place deep in my mind and never take you out until I know it's safe.
You are my little marionette, your strings taught and wary from overuse.
The wood you are made from chipped and abused.

Don't worry, I'll keep you right here in my little box for safekeeping.
You are afraid of the monsters outside, creeping, but I will protect you.
I am brave.
I will defend you from the evil that surrounds everyone and everything and I will keep you safe.
Your little marionette arms hanging by your sides, already prepared for the heartbreak of rejection.

Don't worry, I'll keep you right here in my little box for safekeeping.
You'll never be able to run away because I control your strings.
The strings you could never use to walk on your own.
The strings, only I know how to employ. My fingers toiling with the knots. You are bruised.

Don't worry, I'll keep you right here in my little box for safekeeping.
I swear I will never stray.
This promise will be engrained on my mind, sewn on my heart and tattooed on my fingertips.
You are mine and I will never let you go. Never.
You are mine and I will never let you go. Never.
1.4k · Sep 2012
3 AM Dazed Love
Deana Luna Sep 2012
What will it be like
when I first see you in december
how will it feel to touch you again?
will I touch you again?
will it ever be the same?

Our lives will have changed so much over these couple months apart
will the sound of my name still leave your lips in a rose hued haze?
or will it fall flat only to be realized a moment too late?

When will the sadness end?
waiting staring at the clock tick tick tock
it keeps going non stop tick tock tick tick
yet gets slower every time I look back
tick            tock         tick

A month can go by in an instant
but the thoughts of you are slower than time can comprehend
so it maliciously stops and lags and makes me think of you incessantly
and never lets it end
until it does

But not for long
not longer than a couple quick moments because time doesn't make sense
it never has with you
and now it's proving its point

Well I don't need any **** points to be proven
let me sleep or I'll die of desperation
let me sleep let me sleep!
but time's not that kind
you deserve this it says
you deserve this for falling in love

So I deserve this.
I deserve this massacring of mind
because I fell for you

But I can't stop thinking
what will it be like?
to see you to touch you to feel you
how will you respond?

The night that special night
in my bed
the last time we saw each other
before we both left
that magical night
words were spoken bodies were touched
but none of the words mattered
none of them could make sense of our emotions
nothing came close
no sounds could describe what we were feeling

So we lied there on my bed and you slipped your fingers
inside me
and you showed me stories instead of told me
and you showed me my body
and you opened my soul
and you took out my bruised heart
and you held it so tightly
and you whispered to it
it's alright
everything will be alright
the bruises will heal far sooner than you think
and some won't
and that's ok
because I love you

And that's how I accepted it
our parting
because you whispered into my heart
into my soul
my body
that
you loved me
you still do
and I do too.
Deana Luna May 2015
this is the breakdown of the scrapes on my knees:

a mosquito sang a soft song and laid to sweetly **** on my blood.

i thought they would know i was on their side.

they still ******.

you were shocked.

i was used to it in fact i didn’t even notice while it was happening.

we climbed on slippery rocks and pebbles in the running water.

cold and you tenderly looked at me for answers.

i thought of him and wanted to cry darkly but i couldn’t.

you didn’t understand who i was thinking about neither did he.

i was sitting on a rock the only stable one and thinking about how easily i could let go relax my hands and float off.

i stayed gripping fantasizing.

by the time we reached the shore our knees were red and swollen you wanted to kiss my knees i let you.

i thought you were going to **** the poison from the bites but you just softly kissed and laid down long and white on the cold sand. cold hands cold chest i touched it you smiled deeply.

we drove away from our secret spot and the rain started pouring i had to get out of the car i screamed for you to stop.

you pulled over.

i ran out into the rain it was dumping water everywhere everything was wet i fell to my knees my knees got muddy.

i cried no makeup streamed down my face the river had washed it all away already it was just translucent glass tears cold and tired pouring.

they had been waiting to fall they found a small space next to a graveyard next to DONAGHUE marble tombstones and a jesus statue getting head.

we came home and my knees were ****** bruised and bitten.
1.3k · Jan 2014
strangers with candy
Deana Luna Jan 2014
i often think of you before putting my red lipstick on.
one sentence breakup wish.
1.3k · Apr 2015
through gritted teeth
Deana Luna Apr 2015
barricaded bones and your
soft tones
sweat. lingering.
my belly weeps for your song.
and from the tips of this mighty dew-dripped tree
and from the depths of this reminiscent lake
emerge patterns of varying shapes and sounds
with one universal undertone of
the way the breath pushes its way out of your lungs
through your gritted teeth
when i make you ***.
Deana Luna Oct 2013
the slow kisses that turn into hot breaths exhaled into each other's throats
biting at your lips thinking i can pull out your words. stuck in your head. with the blood i draw
the marks i make are war wounds, baby, and i am proud of each vessel i pop
purple looks good on you. what a ******* color.

beat beat through the silences and internalizations. the anger and the insecurities.
******* trample that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that makes you feel like you are nothing but the skin on your stomach.
you are not just the skin and tissue and chub on your stomach.

lovely, you are more than your stomach. and your ray bans. and your binder that does such a good job at pushing in what is unwanted and pushing out the breath from your lungs-- your very sustenance.
my dear, you are more than your eyeliner, or lack thereof.

you are more than the way you ****** me last night. and this morning.

pretty ,darling boy. i want more slow kisses that turn into hot breaths. more lip bites drawing enlightenment. blood slicking the tips of my fingers from exploring.

i want morning breath dreams still entwined with your exhale onto my neck. bickering mom and daddy.
who knew we had voices other than moans. who knew gender theories would cross our lips and *** analyses would be common car topics.
the "fffffffff" you make in bed also start the sentences of your fury. yelling at the gas station ****** who misgenders you.

******* *******, I JUST WANT MY **** CIGARETTES.
1.2k · Nov 2013
paper thin skin
Deana Luna Nov 2013
put your hand inside my dark
she relates to me and i relate to him and he relates to her
boom
- connections -

she said **** 14 and a half times--
i didn't let her get through the last--
honey, i'm not modest
but you sure know how to get me flustered.

could you help me understand?
red kiss lips linger
hands down stars shine
raw grab blush sweaty

could you deconstruct me
into your preconceived categories
do i fit
am i small enough
will you make me?

~~

i give him a hard time
i give him a *******
i am not easy to take
you do not get to swallow me quick like a pill
i am a razor blade pointed oddity
grab you by your neck and make you listen
throw passive aggressive intimacies in your face
need 2 hours of cuddling after being ******* for 2 minutes

i don't trust but i've been trusting

- paper thin skin -
1.2k · Mar 2013
Dapper Death
Deana Luna Mar 2013
Your bow tie is a blade
and your lips are a question mark.
When will I learn to trust you enough to cut me open and let me bleed? My last wounds are only now healing.
1.2k · Oct 2013
check check check ew
Deana Luna Oct 2013
quick to jump
quick to feel
it's all split-second
decisions on ****** positions
at 3 am.
practicing submission in the
mirror of an alleyway.
broken.
shattered premonitions.

c r a v e  m e

do you. do any of you.
feel me. in your bloodstreams.?
knocking the wind out of your precious and
dying lungs.
pumping your hearts.
crave me? do you?
deliciously uninterested.
shards in my throat.
interesting personality attraction.
follow me now.
to do lists. have done lists.
to get to when i'm sad and bored lists.
check check check
1.1k · Aug 2013
patchwork
Deana Luna Aug 2013
I am so cautious
and reckless at the same time.

I give little
pieces of myself to strangers
every day
swift glances
quick pauses
in which the other
person becomes
quickly informed of my
inadequacies.

I stutter. I have
so many words running
fast to the front of
my mind that
i can never quite
think of which
i want to vocalize
first.

i bite my lip to
stop the jumble
from overflowing.

i am afraid that i'm
a tower.
so tall and mighty
with power
until one brick
crumbles
and i become nothing
but debris.

so put together
yet falling apart
i am ever so tumultuous
with my aquarius
and emotional
with cancer
forever organizing the two
with my capricorn.
i am within my signs
and my signs are within me.

so i dive as far as i can go in my ocean
and i sit on this bed
and think of all the things i
left unsaid
and feel those words
pounding their way in my head
trying to burst through the dam.

there is a fist in my head
punching out my tears
and it is ruthless--
i am being abused from
the inside out.
i've lost count of the bruises
on the insides of my skin.
i can't quite make out the scars
from within.

but i've got russian skin
and it hides everything so
well
i am quite difficult to read
i've been told
and i find it impossible
to express these bruises
and scars

- i feel stuck -
unable to express
and unable to be understood.
in a glass box
pushing at the walls
begging the surrounding
strangers to understand
pleading with myself to
learn the skills of communication
quick before the crowd
disappears.

i am a patchwork of
nerves and anxiety.
i've got beauty sewn through
my veins
and a wall
sewn thickly around my heart.
Deana Luna Jul 2013
i am faulty
the toy that gets thrown out
during the factory checks
the one that gets put in the back row
i am a little bruised
(i will not lie to you)
(although i do not doubt
you can already tell)
a little broken
i am overemotional
i get so upset at the world sometimes
and begin to despise
everything that i am
sometimes.
.sometimes.
but i promise i will care for
you stronger and harder
than anyone has
before.
i promise to look at each
bruise you have on your body
and ask about it
and listen if you want to talk
and be okay if you don't want to

i will not ignore your broken pieces
i will not ignore your broken pieces
1.1k · Aug 2011
Knives
Deana Luna Aug 2011
Black knife, through my heart
Poisoning me slowly; vein by vein, ventricle by ventricle
Your black venom takes me over like the sweet taste of iced lemonade on a hot summer's day.
You kissed me, then left me in the street.
You touched me, then left me here to weep.
1.1k · Sep 2012
Counting
Deana Luna Sep 2012
one pair of sweet lips,
wishing they could be tucked over mine
two engaging eyes,
ones i can never look away from
wishing to keep them matching my gaze
one nose,
perfectly complementary to the outline of my face
when you come close
so come close
closer
so much closer.

Close enough so I can smell you
your soft, warm, comforting, **** smell which I crave too often
Close enough so I can feel the warmth of your body on mine
Lying here with me, nothing exists but you and I,
The warmth of my blankets couldn't compare to the fire burning in your eyes
touch me. hold me. feel me.
feel us, entangled, intertwined, naked, warm.
nothing between us.
no barriers.
no clothes.
no phones.
nothing.
skin on skin.
*warmth.
1.1k · Oct 2012
Not A Real Poem
Deana Luna Oct 2012
I miss feeling so close to someone.
Feeling their skin against mine
Their breath against my neck
Their hair brushing against my shoulder
The long gazes into each other’s eyes
The anticipation of the first kiss
Then the next kiss
Oh the kisses could last for hours
Your breath melting into mine.
I crave the goose bump inducing touch that can only be experienced with someone you love.
I miss it
I miss
it
all.
I'm ready to move on.
1.1k · Sep 2012
Seasons
Deana Luna Sep 2012
How am I supposed to breathe when you're not here?
Oxygen has not been kind to me.
When the leaves fall and soon enough they'll make a crisp beneath my soles
And the brisk wind will come whistling past my ears pinking my cheeks
Will you still be there in my dreams?
Will you still be my escape?

And then when the snow starts to fall and those leaves begin to fade from sight
When the ochre sweaters turn into fur coats
And the people no longer carry umbrellas but coffee mugs
Will I still wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat
Grasping at the greedy oxygen
Reaching for you
Angry with the futility of my predicament?

Or will the fresh leaves of spring bring relief?
1.1k · Apr 2014
bricks
Deana Luna Apr 2014
holding on so tight
tightly to what
made me sad are you happy
to always welcoming hands
wander/lusting heart

am i lonely//are you lonesome
which road will take me to you
quick flashes of connections — where to run off to next.

open up to him and he will show you what you are capable of.

do i have a wall up with you
yes
i am letting you in i am letting you in
now say it until you believe it
in i am letting you in
— all my poetry is about falling apart—

i can hardly hear myself think
you are so much you are so many sad songs. you are so new and nostalgic.
does that make sense?
deana, you’re not understanding what i’m saying.

——————brick——————
1.0k · Jul 2013
from a difficult evening
Deana Luna Jul 2013
there is an i and a you in this story
and both are quite scared.
this makes for an interesting
plot line as the directors
have been saying// just listen to them *******
rave. and the audience
the !!audience!! can't wait
to see what'll happen
next. they have a stake in it. too.
>,/,/../
the i (being me of course)
is more nervous than she has ever been
(the silly girl)
because for the first time (in as long as
she
can
remember)
she is being treated
with respect
and the way she
deserves to be treated.
on the other side of things is the you (and
of course that is the other protagonist
of this lovely story
the king,
my
frightening ******
my scary sweet
my terrifying tease~
you who is stable in your beliefs yet
so unsure at the same
time
and that worries the i in this relationship
to no end.

-trust-
my darling is the last thing
i thought i could feel for
someone again (yes i understand
that this might be hard to believe
since the whole process
of me handing over my trust
to you has seemed
completely flawless--
but i assure you, my sweet, that

i make things look much
easier than they are

yet here i am
trusting you
…….?????!!?
carefully and willingly cutting open
my chest,
pushing my hand through
the imperfect incision,
and pulling out my
bruised and beaten
beating heart.

would you like a side of fries with that

i don't deserve a sticker anymore.
my tears flow too freely. they know no
discipline. they need to be trained.
hold back. hold back. hold back *******.
-restraint-
hasn't that been the key
word in our discussions
hasn't it been the key the k e y

sassy *******
i just don't understand
i'm not like that i can't do it
i don't understand
trick question
help me understand
i want a ******* sticker
you're irreplaceable
i got emotional
………….
--i miss you a lot--

she says this and the i
shuts up
stares
tears start flowing
goodbye to the ******* sticker
will the i tell me what's really
going on in her *******
head >>?>>

or
will she continue
trading her eyes in for metaphors
and her mouth
for hyperboles.
1.0k · Jun 2014
ironic
Deana Luna Jun 2014
pick me up
trigger me
allowance of water droplets coming from the axis
at its worst i didn’t want anyone touching me
****** me ironic
manifesting itself in my body
pick me up i really just want
over this
my past
i let him and he did
holding me panicked
held me with my arms around his neck and my legs in his arms like a little monkey kid
i was beautiful and he loved me
recovery steps
996 · May 2013
bad/bath thoughts
Deana Luna May 2013
Am I selfish if you are all I seem to write about?
Always on my mind. Am I good at nothing else? Is that it?
Are you easy to write about? No. Yes. Who knows.
I know you are easier to write about than I am. That's why I don't write about myself.
Because what could I say?
I have nowhere to begin.

I am entrapped. Embodied.
A cleansing experience and a curse.

What am I? Isn't that one of the unanswerable questions.
How was college?
Who is she?
What are you good at?
What are you good at?
getting overwhelmed at the sheer immensity of life.
How the **** does no one else feel it?
I ask too many questions.
Topic change.

I am the sea. I am tumultuous.
Never stop running form one corner of the world to the next.
Never stopping.

I write my poetry in paragraphs when it's written down and in short bites when it's typed.
I wonder why that is.

It's urgent. This is urgent!
Thoughts like to shoot and confuse. Be my muse. Too loud. Can't tide me over.

I think this Mary is laced cuz my heart is beating… how does that rap go?
Hmm, Tyler?

There is a picture in my head of a happy summer blonde with the perfect matte red lips. She is making fun of me. She stares at me and teases me into a pit of madness. She always watches over me. She is my heart and she wants to hurt me. Masochistic pig. Sadistic wolf. Pink is my favorite color. I try so hard to be pink. Pink tries so hard to be me.
A little disgusting ******.

Blackberry currant.
Pink *****.
Popping pink.
"ck" is my favorite sound.
****. ****.
Pretty little *****.
****. ****.
I want you to pound my pretty pink *****. pop.
That little **** is going to get ****** so hard tonight. Pound you with my ****.
Please?

Surprise me, baby. Don't be like the rest. Because I know too well what to expect.

How did I come from such a beautiful creature? How do any of us get here, and why must I suffer more than they?
Nothing has ever been simple with you. Everything has always been so hard.
Beat beat be still my
pounding head. Before the floodgates open. She can't see me weak.
No one can.
But I am selfish and I'll stay.
No more running away.
992 · Oct 2012
Voicemails
Deana Luna Oct 2012
I listened to every voicemail she sent me
I heard us deteriorate through the months
and it was
too
much.
Words that help me get through the hurricane.
Deana Luna Apr 2014
taking time for your crimes
and duty to a citizen that mattered to you
i don’t want to write you anymore letters
he can **** my ****, stupid boy
granted, points were made
i won’t say it you dumb ****
i’m here in my house my sacred palace and
he disturbs disrupts dead bolted to the front door
what is a dead bolt
i ****** my professor in the middle of the night
quick call on call praised and given As

do you know how you make me feel
942 · Apr 2013
Deeply Artistic
Deana Luna Apr 2013
You looked at me with interest
something new
you are old
wiser art
wandering soul
teach me
I can be your school girl
I know it’s what you want
(secrets shared at 5 am)

You looked at me as if I was something fascinating
silly interest
writing poetry
smoking your cigarettes
inhaling the darkness
of our combined souls
and my purple neck

Quizzically
as if I were some challenge
how to please me
how to make your mark
please make your mark
on my body
but be careful of
my soul

Deeply disturbed
longing
we are alike
too much pain behind those
light brown eyes
and you look at me and joke about love
when I worry about commitment.

You looked at me with interest
and I wonder
how long I can keep up
this ruse.
Deana Luna Jul 2013
you are all i want to write about
you are all i seem to be able to write about
that is simple
you are simple
(yet so complex? we are so
complex?)?
yet everything is simplified
with you
with us
i can ramble
will you stop
me can you stop me
stop me before i keep talking
talking with my big small mouth
i won't shut up baby
stop me before it's too late
you are all i want to write about
you are all i want to write about
baby baby i can't stop can't you
see i'm on a role here baby you are all i want
you are all i want to to to write about about about
a
b
out.
i like simple
simple is nice for a change
i have dealt with mazes and
puzzles too big for my brain
too long for my patience
all of which led to dead ends
but you are no large
scary
puzzle
you are complex
yet simple
you are epic
and beautiful
and i want to get to know the insides of your mind
and i want to get to know you
more
more
more
ramble
more
you are all
that i seem
you are all that i seem
to think about
929 · Jul 2011
Scared
Deana Luna Jul 2011
It has not hit me yet. My heart, the clock, beats constant, unchanging.
Tick tick tick tick.
Just a shot, just a pinch opening up my insides to the world.
Letting my most sacred belongings be seen by this earth.
One little pinch and then the blood gets ****** out.
****** out of me as if a bloodthirsty animal has a straw.

The clock is breaking, its ticking inconsistent. No more tick ticks.
The little hands of the clock are scampering around trying to find their original rhythm. Is is proving impossible.
Run hands, run! Find that rhythm you so strive for!

Nope, it is gone, now the clock is unhinging. The hands are falling off, the numbers spinning out of control.
Nope, this clock is too far gone to be fixed.
Nope, this heart beats too fast, no magic tricks.
Nope, she can not be saved, let's find a new clock to fix.
912 · Jan 2013
Remedy for a panic attack
Deana Luna Jan 2013
Need to keep reminding myself of my worth. Have to stay strong. Keep a smile on my face. I can do this. Deep breath. I can do this. I know I can. Just one breath after another. Slow that heartbeat down. Keep that pulse regular.
Breathe.
It won’t get worse from here. Only better. Keep breathing. Think of happy things. New haircut! New tattoo! Sunshine. Warmth. Soft sand. The summer. Cool breeze. Pale skin contrasting everyone else’s tans. Happiness. Love. Balance.
Breathe.
It’s okay. I’ll be okay. Just keep writing. Calm down. Things magnify in my head. Deep breath. Hold it. Let it go. Let it all go. I’m okay. I’ll be okay. Everything’s okay. It’s all in my head.
*Breathe. Breathe and everything will be alright.
Mix all this with self-understanding and self-love.
890 · Dec 2013
up against the wall
Deana Luna Dec 2013
honeysuckle sunset
(glass pun/ch/ed/)
melodramatic melodies
always singing the same tune
(one s-h-o-t---> deadweight)

we are not quite adults and not quite children
on our own

uncontrolled and untamed
flipped the coin and lost willpower
empty useless bombshell

dumb blonde turned red
what are you hiding from

book smart
street stupid
tied and tethered to the wall
up against it
up against the wall
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