You asked me If I was upset last night
i said no.
I lied.

the truth is I was upset.
I had a few too many shots of the alcohol Hidden in my closet.
and after all the fun was over and I was left alone with my thoughts
I cried on the shower floor for an hour

I think back to last night and wonder
if I wasn't alone
would I have cried as much as I did?
if I had a little bit more to drink
would I still be here right now?

when you asked me if I was upset
I thought back on everything that ran through my mind the night before
I got that feeling in my throat
like I was about to burst in tears right there on the spot

everything hurts and I'm sorry I can't change any of it. I'm sorry my behavior worries you.

Last night I had a dream
I remembered you so clearly
Happy, I seemed
It was like you never died
You were always too kind

You came to me in a dream
Giving me a message
when I awoke all I wanted to do was scream
Because I couldn't seem to get the image
of you lying dead on the ground out of my mind

we went from talking everyday
to twice a week
down to once a week
then never

everything stopped so abruptly
I wasn't sure what to say
I later found out
you weren't always what I thought

it hurts more than you may know
when you don't talk to me
When did our friendship get this low

I was always there
every phone call
every text
every laugh
every tear
and after everything you've done
I'm still here

Change
Sometimes it happens daily
Sometimes once every 5 years
I'm still trying to figure out how it could happen in 5 days

Maybe I'm mistaking change for fake
I'll never really know
I still miss the old person before those 5 days
But I'm not so sure I'll ever get that old person back

On days like this
I wonder
if I died
Would anybody care?
On days like this
I wonder
if I ran away
Would anybody notice?
On days like this
I wonder
Does anybody really love me?

Taking risks
I never thought it end like this
Going down too deep
An eternal sleep

It becomes darker and darker
In desperate need for air
Slowly sinking down
Mentally sending last goodbyes

If god wants me
then he shall take me
I loved you all
Don't morn my fall

For I will call