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 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
I am my light, I am my savior
My ego feeds on *** and drugs
Fueling my archaic fluorescence,
Ephemeral guises of love and permanence.
My aberrant, absconding soul is always hungry.
This restlessness is eating away my passion.
I am floundering out, spinning to the ground
But even at rock bottom,
I am Technicolor.
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
I feel calmest kissing strangers,
gently edging their head closer to mine,
tongue crashing against their lips
like full tides against a shore
and hand on their thigh.
I feel safest popping pills,
knowing the way my head will feel like
a balloon that has been let go.
I feel free when the silly boys
pull a ****** on and look at me like I am holy
while they *** inside of the cosmos between my legs.
I'd rather be reckless than restless,
I'd rather be full of the wrong things than empty.
I think I am slowly killing myself but I feel more alive than ever.
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
whenever i have *** it feels like
i am subletting my body to fingers
and mouths and
genitals
every gentle touch reminds me
of how i am
******* beautiful,
a bombshell,
suicide blonde,
a perverted venue
surrounded by a thorny cage of ***** hair.

every time our eyes meet,
i can feel you walking the tightrope
between living out the torture **** fantasies you have
and falling in love with me.

whenever i have ***,
i scratch your back until i can feel
the skin come off and under my fingernails
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
the way your touch can make all my other senses mute
2. even looking at a photograph of your eyes makes my pulse speed
3. the voice you use when you read poetry out loud
4. your smell
5. how scrunched up your face gets when you laugh really hard
6. your mattress on the floor
7. the way you ******* spoil our shows
8. when you sing along to your songs
9. how deeply you hate and love your friends
10. your love of your mom's cooking
11. every moment with you is a balance of comfortable and exciting
12. you make my heart race constantly
13. the caution in your touch and your voice
14. when you lift one eyebrow
15. how soft your hair is (baby bird)
16. the way you look in your staples uniform
17. how sad you get when you leave me
18. the way you smoke
19. the stacks of letters and journals in your room
20. when you jump out of the window of your truck
21. "i wanna be what you need"
22. you drive so ******* fast and so ******* badly
23. the shoes you wear
24. i have never felt more awake than when i am with you
25. your watch
26. the silly faces you make
27. the way i can't stop ******* adding things to this list
m.e.m. // in no order
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
i wish i was brave enough
to write a poem for every person i kissed, ******,
loved.
i wish i could've loved her the way she wanted,
could've made things
easier.
i wish i could stay high for three weeks, three months,
the rest of my life.

thank you
for the wishes
genie.
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
1) you're going to need to know how to stop slurring and how to walk straight. be able to say the alphabet backwards when you're even close to unconsciousness, know when to stop ******* driving.
2) sleep will be either the most evasive or clinging lover. when you are awake for six days, write. when you are about to sleep for two, make sure you are on your side.
3) when the money is gone, you need to learn how to leave your body when they enter it. eventually you won't be able to feel a thing. but know that when you're sober she touches you a year later, you won't be able to feel it.
4) ******* won't be as good as getting high. don't feel like a genius when you wake up and have that idea.
5) your lovers and friends will all be addicted. drugs will become the only **** or interesting thing to you. years later, you'll still crave the taste of opiates on her tongue.
6) some of them will die. you won't be able to cry.
7) instead, you will be completely numb for weeks and you won't be able to tell the difference between the dope and the pain.
8) the dope will eventually become the pain.
9) it will never **** the pain.
10) lose all self respect now. lose all timidness.
11) don't forget you will lose all freedom in your search for it.
sorry if this *****
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
k
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
k
over-sexed middle aged housewife
parisian waif extinguisher 
net kid superstar 
lover of latino boys and tall girls

the first night we kissed
I was keeping track of how many people i tasted 
and I always said you counted
as a lot more than just one
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
tm
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
tm
slurred words of "**** me"
and "that feels nice"
blurry visions of your eyes 
getting a view of the back 
of your head 

people ask why it happened
"I don't know. 
I was high."

is it still an excuse if staying high
was only to feel normal?
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
I will always decide which parts of me you are allowed to love.
Are you braver for hurting me or am I braver for letting you?
How many of my thoughts are free of muse; why can't I convince myself that my pain is profound?
 Nov 2018 David Flemister
Amelia
i feel like such an inconvenience to you
and i love it

i'd **** myself
if i wasn't so sure
you'd use her pain
to get to her

again
whatever ******* forreal
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