I've come around
Through all these years
I've turned around
After all the tears
  
You said you loved me
Then you left me standing there
You said you loved me
Then you left me over here
  
I've come around
I've got the gears
To turn around
And wipe it clear
  
You ran around and tricked me
But, I didn't sneer
Now you're spreading lies about me
The truth is out now dear
  
I've turned around
I've made it clear
Those other clowns
They're not me dear
  
I've got it all together now
It is perfectly clear
There's no more choices for you now
There is only me, dear
  
I've turned around
For you my dear
I've turned around
For you my dear

Zebrina Pendula
Now, get out of here
you're not invited
we don't want your wares

always the spreading
with arms out to here
your leaves always dying
I just vacuumed there  

You gather then grow
with your worship you care
but most of the time
nobody else cares  

from country to country
They're throwing you out
sometimes so quiet
sometimes with a shout  

Zebrina Pendula
with all your despair
I hope you like water
It's all I can spare  

Please quench your thirst
and take here a rest
Zebrina Pendula
now keep on your quest

Jack's girl sits there playing
She's got a new idea
There's an honesty to making love
Yes, she has this down to a science
Then, she flies away, flut, flut
So hard to follow

Jack's girl hasn't time for me
She sits there, so comforting
Picture perfect; sweet petite
One cool treat in summer heat
Juxstapositioned on a riverboat
She gets my vote\lover's note
Jack's girl does

She knows I don't write letters
Lucky enough
Just to send a Christmas card
  
Still, she puts herself in the game
Knowing
She could be scooped up in one swift swoop
  
She takes the risk
Picks up her pictures
She keeps busy

That young cashier brought back a memory today
and when she saw it in my eyes, she shuddered, slightly,
then looked away
It was a quarter century ago today, that love, so dear, drove far away
I know I'm not alone
where people bring you down
but, is this the devil's work now
or just another clown
I wanted dream forever
still hurts sometimes today
and I still dream forever
for someone who will stay
I had a offer last November
for another paper weight
I should have had accepted
when I'm here so desperate
she's everything I had
when I was young and in my teens
she's everything I gave away
to be better than I seem
she promised me she'd be good to me
and never let me catch her cheating
she said she'd always know my needs
even when she's on her knees
she said that she would marry me
but, I don't like the way she makes tea money
she promised me she'd be good for me
but, I don't want her making tea money

My train of thought must have jumped
the tracks in Hackensack
Now it's a terrible town in which to live
Another chemical company just paid five thousand
dollars [american] to contribute to the further
polluting of this fair city/DEATH TRAP

Five months ago the EPA already declared
the entire New York City area and radius of
fifty miles from Columbus Circle deadly
They basically said that breathing the air
will **** you!  So I went out and bought
a mask and argued for two hours with
the police department on why I should
be allowed to wear an air filter but
No they said the merchants would think
I was robbing them and it would
scare shoppers and I said sh*t
People should have a right to
breathe clean air

But they don't

Here

in Hackensack


wrote a song about it



Living here in Hackensack
the Air is killing me
Jesus won't you help me breathe

I had no more of hope left
till [I read] Serenity [prayer]
Jesus won't you help me breathe

It said I shouldn't fret
about the things I cannot change
and to ask for your help-guidance
if there's things that I can change

Don't have the money to move as
far away as I need to be
Jesus won't you help me breathe

If I could move as far as good ol' Why Oh Me
I wouldn't have to pray on broken knees

I'm choking on the air I breathe
Lord Jesus can you please help me
Jesus won't you help me breathe

Socrates took his own life at the age of se'enty  
Drinking Hemlock not green tea
Jesus look at me
and I'm not even Fifty-three
Jesus won't you help me breathe

6ix million guns sold in
7eventeen days
Another movie cutter
Murdered today

Who wisht this bloodshed
on the children of sandy?
Need a gun?
Your neighbor has one handy

I'm sorry
I didn't mean to trick you
into believing that life might
have an ugly side
no, no, no

Life is nothing but sunshine and butterflies
Watch as they flutter
Against blue sky
And the greens of trees and grasses
Yes, that is nice

Life is a wonderful place
Where
All the happy clowns dance and smile
And there is a pony just for you
On your special day

Because little girls
Always get what they wish for
And a dream only stays a dream
Until the wish becomes fulfilled
Because that' is life

Double ones deserve at least that,
to know that nothing could ever harm them
And that everything is grand
A never-ending happiness
with double rainbows

There once was a word, I cannot say and
The letter they did blame for it was the letter K

Born bad from the start, she crossed her legs
The letter they did blame was the letter K

She crosses her legs, you can hear the grown men pang
She crosses her legs, yeah the letter K

If you see Katy, tell her not my name
That's the one that crosses, crosses her legs

Never blame the other letters, always blame the same
Put it all on the weighty legs of the letter K

Mary had a little dog.
She named him Lambchop.

Out of the slammer
In three short weeks
Bed rents paying for drunk driving

Kelly, oh Kelly
From past and afar
Oh how I loved you
A beautiful car

I can't believe
It's been thirty-five years
The bleeding; the hurting
I've suffered so dear

I wish it that
We had never once parted
For again it would fail
If we ever restarted

Once we had once
Can not happen; it ends
Calliope wheel
Spins around once again

I saw Ladonna the other day
She scrunched her face as if to say
I love/hate you; Do you want to play
All I could do was look the other way
  
                            (CHORUS)
  
Killer kiss, killer kiss, killer kisses
They have you run from any kind of fun
Killer kiss, killer kisses, killer kiss
Don't need a family; don't need a gun
Killer kisses, killer kiss, killer kiss
Sweat your death, seven, twenty-four
Killer kiss, killer kiss, killer kiss
Stay away from any type of *****
  
Can't have a love life anymore
Makes time slow down and life a bore
Life's a school of fish; You have to catch one quick
Or play survival and die in the scramble
  
                          Repeat Chorus
  
You think you know it all until you find her young
You thought she would keep you there until she left you hung
Now you are dying with every lasting breath
The desert wolves are howling, waiting for your death
  
                              Repeat Chorus
                                   END

a girl
a pretty girl
as pretty as her curls
\pretty as the posies
on her p.j.'s
or the smile on her jeans
or her skirts
\but more than pretty
the love she has
for me
her one and only
daddy

Kisses in the Dark

think I'll take a song I'd like to sing
and shower you with the love it brings
I think I'll take a dance step that you know
and turn it into happiness that shows
You know I'd turn a rainy day to blue
If this is what I'd have to do for you
I'd build a mighty castle in the snow
If I thought it would make our own love grow
Your world isn't my world, but you know
My world is for you, I want it so
You just stand there small and powerful
I just fall and tell you all I know
Kisses in the dark they do not tell
Everything there is let's ring the bells
Now I can do everything I've told
Because I love you more today I'm sold
Kisses in the dark they do not tell
Everything there is let's ring the bells

I've never been rear-ended
But boy does it sure feel like it
Wish I could say that straight-faced
But as a baby I was ss-*****
Now over fifty years
of living with this pain
And I can't shake it/make it go away
A life filled-up with rain
  

The ***** of ****** from Hawthorne
Made me look sorry for not marrying her
She may have been a Muenter
or maybe just related to it
You sorry girl, you're so pathetic
LOVE IS NOT POSSESSION
Now all those ***** hippie bands
Can be exposed as two-faced-too-fakes
  

It's a long goodbye
So please take the hint
The only thing I'm blowing
Is kisses in the wind
  

Politician's daughters lie
They steal inheritence
I've known this now for quite some time
And know that whales have ate it
When all the homes in California
fall into the ocean
I'll give that ***** a second chance
or just ignore that notion

Untill the crooked Big Jew Mob
return the Vatican
to the church it once belonged to
I won't believe in Him
Sometimes they are just as evil
as those killing in His name
I should have kept my mouth shut
They shot cancer in my coccyx

It's so long/goodbye
Would you take the hint
The only thing I'm blowing
Is kisses in the wind

To my dad in Colorado
Are you still making **** for kids
To my mother in the Poconos
Still ****** her grand kid's kids
If you ever find a mirror
Try to look into/inside it
It could scare the life right out of you
I hope, I wish, I pray for it

And those parasites in Florida
That make tapeworms look so innocent
I have my own kids/family now
Though I was brainwashed to forget them
My eldest daughter, Melanie
Has never been accepted
So why should I give gifts to yours
When they marry some old hothead

It's so long/goodbye
And please take the hint
The only thing I'm blowing
Is kisses in the wind

Jack and Joe sit on their porch
Make fun of people different
Amazingly how they can judge
While sitting on their pulgars
The stars have all been realigned
Like old chalk on a sidewalk
I can not help them anymore
This one last thing I do wish

Frost said eyes meet eyes
And I say lips meet lips
I truly hope to one day find
From ear to ear a happy smile
That isn't full of sht

It's a long goodbye
But do take the hint
The only thing I'm blowing
Is kisses in the wind

So use your demi-gods
But don't blame me for your sins
The only thing I've ever blown
Is kisses in the wind

It's so long/goodbye
And please take the hint
The only thing I'm blowing
Is kisses in the wind
The only thing I'm blowing
Is kisses in the wind

Bi polar bear bouncing up and down
on a summer high one year
Got to walk the wall

in China before I wore those shirts
an excuse to use/not to wear
When I was getting perks

And reminding me to stay in line
how lucky that it is to get all of this
for nothing more than just a Kremlin kiss

Kathy's kissing in the Kremlin
Chatting after she had tea
And we're hiding from the KGB
Kathy's kissing in the Kremlin

And I went up to Alaska, the final frontier
Found a tent to defrost in Antarctica
Sunk to the bottom of the ocean floor
Where it is all lit up
and I rode the Himalayan Sky
Sold the pictures to the book with yellow trim
and

Kathy's kissing in the Kremlin
Flying there again.  Kathy's kissing in the Kremlin
Kissing in the Kremlin
Kissing in the Kremlin

was watching barbie dolls on seven
and saw you once again
Your neck now wrinkle free
Those legs wrapped around my head
Things I begin to think
Like the twinkle in your eye
That you add to blush and smile
Legs wrapped around again
Like the preacher's daughter said
Little feet near the bed
sixty-three pounds
but, very hard to carry

Watching barbie dolls on channel two
The one that squeaks and squeals
Still beats out a pig
Lady Godiva still looks great
The horry housewife stays in shape
Don't need no horse to ride on out of town

Watching barbie dolls at ten
the times; the changes
Too many blondes again
So many years
So many roads
I like the one
that lived up north
but I won't have a wallet
that size before some time again

Turning the TV back to mantle
I've had all I think that I can handle
The gold dust twins are there again
I wonder will it ever end
This could lead to stronger stuff like the old bottle

Lady Godiva never looked so good
The best provider for the push
She made me love; she understood
I love my barbie girls I watch on my TV

My dear lady
Won't you shine your light
Oh, my lady
Won't you shine your light
Upon me, Upon me
  
You're my lady
Love your shine
Pretty lady
Shine your light
Upon me, Upon me
  
Shine your light
All the time
Upon me
Shine your light
It's so bright
Upon me, Upon me
  
My dear lady
Shine your light
Pretty lady
Love that shine
Upon me, Upon me

In one strike
In a split second of time
Heaven turns into a hell

One last poem for love
who flew away forever
the dove from the hawk

Cathy tried to make me her puppet again
Again and again I just laughed in the end
  
Kathy said don't use me boy
You're gonna get it in the end
Never try to use my name again
You never were one.  Press send
  
I hate you people.  You capitalist
Using us to get ahead
Isn't it time to grow up now
or maybe just go to bed
  
Oh, here comes another one
Country man learning to turn his head
Comparing himself to history
She's cheering him on instead
  
Stop that!  Using my name she cried
I never want to hear it again
You're only trying to capitalize
Before we lend it out again
  
Isn't it funny, how one kissing cousin
Can lie, then claim I don't exist
The other one spits after she benefits
Stating, "only if he is still rich."
  
Black man, white man, both in chains
The government tightened its grip
Some day, some way, they will still explain
Why they work us 'till we still slip
  
Sip another shot of this one, dear
We can use the cash from it
Even though we know the end is near
We can not forget what's said

Last night at the RNC

a republican did so declare

The people of this country want

less freedom and more government

Are you sure you're not workin' fo' 'bama

This just in:

I'm afraid that Christmas will have to be
canceled this year as the fatman, his sleigh,
and reindeer were all shot down this
evening by an atomic ballistic missile
while flying a test run over north korea
for the big night.  kim jung-un had this
to say "Rot in hell you fat *******, you
no love the Christ.  SONGUN!

I'm a sock monkey
I am a sock monkey
A sock monkey clown

I am a sock monkey
I am a sock monkey
I'm taking over your town

I got a lot of ideas
A lot of sock monkey ideas
I sock monkey

I am a sock monkey
I am a sock monkey
Gonna go to college

I am a sock monkey
I am a sock monkey
Gonna go to college
Gonna go to college

Gonna get an education
Get an education
Gonna take over your sock monkey town
  

I got a lot of ideas
I am a sock monkey
I'm gonna rule
  

I got a lot of ideas
I am a sock monkey
I'm gonna rule
I'm gonna rule
  

I'm gonna drive drunk sock monkey
I'm gonna drive drunk sock monkey
I'm gonna ****, I'm gonna ****
  

I'm gonna blame it on the walker baby
I'm gonna blame it on the runner
He shouldn't have been in front of me
That's what I'll tell the judge
  

Let's rent a limo sock monkey
Let's celebrate now, sock monkey
Maybe make a date
  

I am a sock monkey
Give me all of your five dollars
I am a sock monkey
  

I am a sock monkey
I live in L. A.
I am a sock monkey

and
The pickles
on the shelves
in the condiment aisle

are readying
themselves
for the winter

The half-sours
stand at attention

The garlics stand
at parade rest

Dill chips are
stacked so
their eyes cannot see
out the jar

Mrs. Smith's bread & butter
pickles will not be on sale
again until late Spring
(so tasty are these)

What a long cold winter
awaits those

underachieving cucumbers

Love only in love
Don't love in hatred
or for sport
as if it were a game
to play

Love only in love
it is not a contest
love is not something you win
it is something to have
something to hold

Love only in love
It is not something to -
purchase. Something to own
It is yours
Only when you give it away

Love only in love
Do not waste it
Don't throw it away
or toss it to demons
(Those that attempt to control)

Love only in love
And you will then know
Only love

Let me love ya
Let me love ya
Let me love ya
Let me love ya
  
Let me love ya
Let me love ya
Let me love ya
Let me love ya
  
Couldn't have ya
Wouldn't want to hold ya
You toothpick bodied freak
Now I have to scold ya
  
  
Chorus
Let me love ya
Let me love ya tequila
Let me love ya
Let me love ya tequila
Let me love ya
Let me love ya tequila
Let me love ya
Let me love ya tequila
  
You took my words
You lied and then you changed them
You took me again
Well, Hear me inspiration
  
(Chorus)
  
It took me minutes
Do you think I need ya?
Stay out of my life
And let me love ya tequila
  
(Chorus)
  
I hate the lime
The salt, it's just not tasty
But, give me the shot glass
And let me love ya tequila
chorus
repeat chorus
end
Copyright 2008. David Ehrgott 1 Armed Poet

Let's do the Lindy
Everybody do the Lindy
Let's let the men in red
Roll on in from China

Let's do the Lindy
Everybody do the Lindy
Every small-c ******
Living in the USA

It's hard to believe
That we all let this happen
How can we stand by and see
Our country flushed down the crapper

Hey Everybody
Let's do the Lindy
The government controls us
All hail the ****** way

one day i was shopping
in the rite-aid and as i
approached the checkout counter
and smiled at the cashier
our eyes met

at that exact moment
the earth stopped to turn on its axis
when That occurs
(since the earth spins so fast)
things fall off shelves and whatnot
in other words
a whole lotta shakin' goes on

then the earth starts to make a creaking sound
as though it may be in need of oil
that is when i started to jump
up in the air
because i know that
if you jump high enough
when the earth flips
you can land on the other side
of the planet
for me that would be
like going to china
for free

it doesn't work when
you are inside of a building
and the furthest i have ever gone
was about a half a block

anyway the cashier sees me
jumping up into the air
and yells at me
"stop jumping up and down
you're making the stuff fall off the shelves
who do you think is going to have to
clean up this mess?"

then the earth flipped and
things went back to normal

I stopped jumping and
our eyes remet each others
i could've sworn at that moment
that i had fallen down the grand canyon
the cashier (rachel) was wearing a baseball cap
over her beautiful brown hair
and to this day i swear that i cannot
get the image of her out of my head
her hazel eyes of love
brought tears to mine
i appologised
found the items i needed
and checked out

as i walked home
with my mind on rachel
i became manic and
that carol king song crept
up in my head and
i began singing
"i feel the earth move under my feet
i feel the sky a tumble-lin' down
i feel my heart start to tremble-in'
whenever you're around..."

i sang it every day
for about a month
before i got the courage
to ask her out

as it turns out
she wasn't the marrying kind
just some cheap ****

i'll never jump that high again

Like the egg
Some of us get

HARD BOILED

Timing
really is
important
at least
some of the time
and I think none of us
would like to wind up
like that

Cracked
in a *** of steam

She sits there
Silently
Death does

Just like death would
Silently
Standing tall
the vulture
eyes its prey

While the bull-moose forage for scraps from the n.c.o. club
And aesbestos is passed out to the unsuspecting at the cbpo

Had nice thoughts of Florida
'till a 'gator ate a man
So morbida

Lonely the river
    running so cold
Lonely the river
    the river of old

Cowgirl
I wish I had heard you
Pleading for my help
Not knowing you needed my side
Goodbye

Sometimes I need my **** ****** and there
is nobody there...

No one at home to please me
All I have is what's in my pocket
And that ain't much of a hand squeeze

So distraught
That little girl lost
She twists and twirls
With her ravenous curls
Tricked into trade
She fades and fades
A ***** you might say
Or you might say the plague
Though it's not her fault
in anyway
Stay Away! Stay Away!
Stay Away! Stay Away!

Down on Atlantic Avenue
The archaic boys at Rocco's
are ready to rumble
  
Three blocks down
at the 7-11
The swishee machine is broken
  
Silence rules
The salty ocean breezes
Unable to turn the darkened misery clouds away
as the tour bus heads home
with melancholy

Any girl could have smiled
Not many flew that high
Never could grasp that child
And is she even worth a cry?
  
Now I know she told the truth
I know she also lied
Could I have to save her twice
Only could have tried
Little did she know of me
       yet, let me in her life
Even now, I wonder why
        why oh why oh why
  
Still, I'll always hear her laugh
Maybe see her smile
I'll even taste her stenchy sweat
Through memories of mine

she died

I love 2do the Linda
and bunny prey on her
Love 2do the Linda
It's a California verb
Love 2do the Linda
Gimme sweetness through the night
Love 2do the Linda
One fantastic sight
Gimme Lin-Da!  Aah ah ah

I love 2do the Linda
like it's the only thing on earth
Love 2do the Linda
It's a California verb
Love2do the Linda
Soft pink bunnies on her head
Love 2do the linda
Love her happy head
Gimme Lin-Da!  Aah Ah

Love
I want it
I have to have it
I need it to grow
Give me love
It's what I need
I need to grow
Grow with me
Please

It could have been in any cove
In any sleepy desert oasis
Mine was down from the left
of the Put-put course
the one with
the prettiest girl in spain

For three days after the first burn
I stayed inside the villa
Then dared the solar power
to further fry my body

I lay in the mediteranean
with so heavy a salt content
floating about aimlessly
until it bumped me

As I awaken from my sun slumber
The smile and the blood thirsty look take me in its eye
and I freeze cold for three
quarters of a second.  Before punching
it's nose
and then in its eye
and again in its brain
Giving the blood thirsty beast the education he requires
to satisfy my hunger
I drag him to the pebble beach
and beat his brain repeatedly
with a succession of right crosses
then plead

Charlie Kitchell take my picture
Kathy Kitchell take my picture
Michael Meadows take my picture

Five Foot TEN INCH SHARK
Caught by six foot twenty-three
year old G.I.

This calls for a celebration
First with laughter
Then with liquor
Then with feast of prey
and more liquor

We ate for a week
and with barcardi at a dollar a gallon
puked to our hearts content

Not in Alliconte
with its industry
Not in Benidorm
with its way too many brits

Altea
the so quiet
its mob eerie quiet
the most relaxing place I've ever been

Where my high powered zoom lens
took many **** photos of
Beautiful women

Where we de-wasped the bushes
by the pool at the rented villa

and I performed the most daring
feat of my life
ending a shark's
with my bare hands

love is a feeling
a feeling to love

love feels wonderful
feeling wonderful is love

love is a wonderful feeling
to love feels wonderful

love is a face
a face to love

face to face
love to love

a face to love
face it, love is

love is

Love only in love don't love in hatred
or for sport as if it were a game to play

Love only in love it is not a contest
love is not something you win
it is something to have something to hold

Love only in love
It is not something to purchase/something to own
It is yours only when you give it away

Love only in love, do not waste it
Don't throw it away or toss it to demons
(Those that attempt to control)

Love only in love and you will then know only love

I'm a handheld all-
purpose device please hold my
hand and treat me nice

There was a love like no other love
There was a love
And there it was
Just that' one love, no other love
No other love can cure this pain of love
There was a love
There was a love
And now a void, a void of love
Inside a vacuum, pain of said void
Seduces me into sadness
Can't see the light that I once had

She gave me love, She gave me love
She gave me love to go
She gave me love, She gave me love
She gave me love to go

Looked into her eyes, to my surprise
Her light, it healed me
Could feel the healing power of her eyes
That healed me
Once had fears;all disappeared
Was the love in the light of her eyes
And now I feel just like the man on the mountain
On the mountain that fell down in New Hampshire
  

She gave me love, the purest love
She gave me love
She gave me love, she gave me love
She gave me love to go
  
She gave me love, she gave me love
She gave me love to go
  

Open the door and take a seat
She'll take your order
She'll write it down
You won't come down
You'll see her shine
On any highway, in any america
See her going
Bagging up love, letting it leave
Leave me


  
She gave me love, she gave me love
She gave me love to go
She gave me love, she gave me love
She gave me love to go


  
She'll give you love, she'll give you love
She'll give you love
She'll give you love, she'll give you love
She'll give you love to go

I always wanted you
I always wanted to
have you
Then one day
I didn't have you

I always loved you
I always will
love you
Even now I still
love you

You used to act
so, I acted too
I love you

And I remember dancing
I wish I could dance with you
always
I wish I had you

You used to sing
You sang love
I sang for you

I love you, I do
Love you

Love You  copyright 2012 by David Ehrgott
  
Love You

Love you
That's all I wanted
was to

Love you
That's how it started
Let me

Love you
You don't let me know
When to

Love you
I thought I knew
When I could

Love you
I guess I missed it
Honey

Love you
Is all I wanted
was to

Love you
g' head and take me
Honey

Love you
I only wish
that I could

Love you
more than just wish
I wish to

Love you
I hope my wish
come true to

Love you
and that you will
love me true

Las Vegas is a suckhole
it will take away everything you have

your money
your house
your wife
your horse
your mind
everything

People living in the 1940's realized this
and many avoided temptation

But, as the years passed
the urge to purge grew
and [politicians] saw a way for their'
states to make money [by taxing casinos]
and legislation was soon passed
For more casinos

Now there are more poor people being
made in the U.S.A.
than ever before

Detroit laid off everyone yesterday
as businesses by businesses Closed

But, you can still go to the game

or the casino

Is there a way I could end my existence
And try once, to live again
It's not like I couldn't use your assistance
or ask you to do something like sin

I'm just afraid, I've been burnt, by so many
I don't need another ******-friend
Never trust a politician honey
Never trust a politician's friend

If you ever feel like making music
I would let you borrow all my pens
Sorry, all my guitars are broken
And I haven't any money for a set

I wonder if there was a cool way to say it
My hands wouldn't be trembling
I never could handle, hey I erased it
What's the magic words again

'Cause I know please and maybe some others work
But, I haven't any in my pen
I know it's too late to say sorry
But that even isn't one of them

I'll try to write down the magic words
Now, tell me, if you think of them
I had them written down, all of them
This can not really be the end

I'm sorry I must of just got lost here
Direct me where to meet again
I know I'll find those magic words
They're here somewhere, Maybe in my other pen

Look at that!  Erased again!  How'd that happen?
What is really happening
I thought that we were more than friends
Is there something wrong between your ears?

I'm looking for those magic words
There!  I found them.  I thought it would be easier
There goes my old condition called nervousness
I hope it doesn't turn you off again

The looks that you've been giving lately
Has it have to do with him
I thought we had something special here
A condition free experience

There goes my eraser again
It happened to me once again
A smudge spot smeared by all its might
There'll be a lot of lonely nights again
There'll be a lot of lonely nights again

So break me out another beer my friend
Because we're going to have plenty of time
She left me for good this time she said
Because I wanted to live again
I wanted to live again
That's all.  I wanted to live again