There's a blind man at The Garden
and he's dancing to The Dead
He hasn't any worries
Bouncing in or on his head

His wife pulled out his eyeballs
so he'd never look again
At anybody else but her
Posession, not his friend

His father blames the white folk
for all the damage to his kin
Hey listen!  Twas the wife, folk
not the color of her skin

Then she pops in eyeballs from the Mr. Potato Head Game
into his sockets
Just to play with everybody's head
She loves him

Mary had a date with the little boy who lived in a shoe.
"Deodorant.  Yes, that's what I'll bring him.  Deodorant."  she fumed

Mary went bankrupt.
Betting on a lamb to win a horse race just wasn't a wise decision.

A thousand miles wide
The storm it is landside
Takes all the trees that were going to die
The cargo floods the highways
A pier ride in the ocean
Fifty-five hundred sheltered, safe and sound
Over 6 million people without power
Did they ever really have the power
Not like Sandy
Such devastation
The govenor needs a vacation
Again

An Oreo bumps into a Chocolate Chip.
"Fancy meeting you here crumb."

You're giving me ideas
Know what I mean?
We say "it's in the genes."
Then play before lunch

I've been dreaming of you for years
Drunk on the seesaw
Neon salt water taffy
It's checkers for me babe

Clara Bow movie star looks
But, prettier than that, fairer
Dancing at the celebration
I grab your *** like I own it

You in pictured pigtails and me
Not ready to chase golfballs just yet

pop that cork
let's celebrate

cheers

May the hurt you knew
Be washed away for always
In this year of new

Poor
Ol'
Ehrgott
Trying to
Regain
Youth

Tell me Tell me
Just how am I to know
If you don't tell me

Hear me Hear me
Won't you run up and save me now
pretty lady

Touch me Touch me
Let me feel your 'lectricity
C'mon Lady

See me See me
See even more, get to know me
Lovely lovely

Want me Want me
Just like I love you
You, my Lady, Pretty Lady

Let me Let me
Give you all you need
All my loving, All my loving

Pretty Lady Love

mama lay me down this christmas
my daddy died this morning ninety-three
i taped my bed in plastic wrap this morning
to protect it from the lice that's eating me

i don't know why i like to keep on living
life's been hell on this eulogy
the rust from the nail that they nailed in my head
is hurting me again
another one of life's little miserys

maybe i'll get the nail out
maybe i won't
maybe i will
mabe i'll get the nail out
before it eats the rest of me
this isn't just a fantasy...

another wave falls towards the ocean
the ocean ***** are eating me again
she's somewhere here on the shores with the sunlight in her hair
pretending that she's meeting her old man

i fell in the love with the queen of the oceans
and i'll never say her name
for no man should have to go through that much rain again
on this the planet earth ever again

If I were an idiot yoke I'd scramble it up
and then I'd add some chopped-up ham
then pour into a frying pan
I'd pour into a frying pan
I'd pour into a frying pan
I'd pour into a frying pan
scambled eggs and chopped-up ham
But, not from a can of spam
no, not from a can of spam
no, not from a can of spam
I'd have my eggs and chopped-up ham
but not any spam from a can

Then I'd have my eggs with ham
and maybe a little bit of spray from pam
but, not any can of spam
no, not any can of spam
not any can of spam
just my eggs with ham

Breakfast would be grand old man
Eggs with some chopped-up ham
and a little bit of spray from pam
but, not any can of spam
no, not any can of spam
not any can of spam
no, not any can of spam
just my eggs and ham
and a little bit of pam
but not any spam
for we don't like spam
in this merry ol' land
not even in a can
do we want this spam
not any kind of spam
when the man sends the spam
it disrupts the land
and how can a man
be happy in a land
where he's always getting spammed
he can't

SO
P L E A S E E L I O T
not any can of spam
ever again
the end

Had nice thoughts of Florida
'till a 'gator ate a man
So morbida

In the hole of my sock monkey heart is a void where you used to be.

Are you the right key to the hole in the stitch of my sock monkey heart?

Don't steal, the government hates competition.

Upon the blaze that lights desire,
for lovers here, a worthwhile fire.

Little red robin
           in the hood
Bang Bang
            Shot him down
            Shot him down for good

Little little angel now
              doing what he should
Crazy!  Ain't we crazy now
              with vigilante justice

She looked at me and told me
she said "Your eyes are blue"
but, she really didn't have to tell me that

I looked at her and saw her eyes
They were blue and true
I just try to smile and look back

"Does something got your tounge?" she asks
Fat I sat there with panic attack

Think she was waiting for an "I'm Sorry"
But I don't ever want to tell her that

So I say "Hello"

"Hello?"  she comes back with "What
does THAT mean?"  We've already been
introduced to each other"

"I'm not playing these games" said so
demanding  I just love the way her
hair plays when she's dancing

Then she tells me I'm handsome
and all about the love
Plenty of it waiting for me
All I got to do is join up with these thugs
and we'll have all the money
that we need

but all I need is she

Walk down third ave, live and
you'll survive it.  Total insanity
Saw her one time and never could fight it
Especially when she's wearing her paint-on jeans

That's when I need she
That's when I need she

I told her "Your eyes are blue"
She said "You're just stupid"
I bet that dress is happy, how it hugs her
I wish hard that I could

She says "Davey get a clue
You know you're not getting younger
If there's something you can do
Do it now or I'll go wander

I told her all I need is she
All I need is she
And she is all I need

Lucky numbers, there are many floating in my head
I'm so lucky I am finally sharing all my bed
with the best friend I ever had

All I need is she
All I need is she
And she is all I need

The pronouns are always paid well while
the amatuer nouns make practically nothing.

I like skirts
because
you know
they've got nice *****

The tumbleweeds
spread the seeds
of the sagebrush

This just in:

I'm afraid that Christmas will have to be
canceled this year as the fatman, his sleigh,
and reindeer were all shot down this
evening by an atomic ballistic missile
while flying a test run over north korea
for the big night.  kim jung-un had this
to say "Rot in hell you fat *******, you
no love the Christ.  SONGUN!

Oilmen are fracking farcical!

Overheard from George Jetson
"That Rosie was a real ****-bot.  Always
being tossed around like a tin can.  They
used to really put the metal to that one.
Treating her like the scrap metal from
which she was recycled."

JANE STOP THIS CRAZY THING!

Metaphors soothly
drip out of the cloth I clean
with saxophone tones

Vortex to another planet
Invisible to some
Catch some of her writings
Kindness, hers
Incredible

She is young
Too young for me
And i know it
Road to where?
Desire still exists
Unrequited love
So strong
To the touch

under a bright FULL MOON
watch out for F(ucking) LOON(s)
she sure is out there alright
but, man can that one write

I close my eyes
and see blue skies
White clouds rolling
in fast forward
white
blue
and daylight
thoughts of you
Sky in view
speeds up
the life process

Dreaming
wasting time
I close my eyes

Dark train approaching
from a long night on the rails
The Shadow's choo-choo

Kitten purr
Mama's hungry

The twitter bird is blue
How I feel without you

My sister karen was a manhater
she hated all men
deliriously
she would sit on the top
of the bunkbed she shared with sue
and with one finger curl her hair
then pull it out by the roots
it was quite disturbing
she would spend hours
every saturday doing this
until she had almost no hair left
the family worried for her

During the week when I would
come home from school (I think
I was around 7 or 8) karen (being
older and bigger) would run up to me
kick me in the gut
push me to the floor
jump on top of me
grab me by the ears
and pound my head
on the floor until
my brains fell out
this went on for several weeks
until I told my parents and
they finally put an end to it

One night sue didn't want to get caught
eating an apple in bed
so she put the core in the toilet
and it clogged it
we (all four of us)
were awakened in the middle of the night
and had to line up so my mother
could beat us with a belt
until someone confessed
I was tired so I said okay
I did it
I got a good belting that night
I was suspended from school
for a week because the teacher
complained that the welts on my back
were bleeding so profusely that
lt was interrupting the learning process
of the other children

One day I was coming home from school
and I got caught in a hailstorm
I got pelted really good
Lucky for me Mr. Doty was home for lunch
so I took cover under
his light blue ford f-series pick-up truck
hail as big as golf *****
some the size of baseballs
continued to rain down
I don't know for how long
because I fell asleep

"What were you doing under there?"
he questioned as he was shaking my arm
awakening me
(I quess he thought I was messing around
or something)
I came to and stated
"THE GOLF ***** WERE FALLING
I NEEDED A PLACE TO HIDE"
"oh" he said
"you mean to tell me you were in THAT?"
"yessir" I replied
"well, your schoolday's almost over,
maybe you should go home and rest"
"yessir"
And I went home and rested

When karen turned eighteen
she married a wife beater
for nearly ten years he would
ugly 'er up
finally she couldn't take anymore
and divorced him

But she was only following tradition
my grandpa beat his wife
my father beat his wife
and al beat karen

Yep, those three knew
how to really take a beating

But, not from a hailstorm

Valerie
     She's a pretty girl
Betcha never see her in pigtails
     La dee dee
     Dee la dee la
     La la la dee
     Valerie Valerie

Valerie
     The light of the moon
Doesn't shine as bright as you
     La dee dee
     Dee dee la
     Dee la la la dee
     My Valerie

I downloaded
the new love app.
It just doesn't work
without you

I love 2do the Linda
and bunny prey on her
Love 2do the Linda
It's a California verb
Love 2do the Linda
Gimme sweetness through the night
Love 2do the Linda
One fantastic sight
Gimme Lin-Da!  Aah ah ah

I love 2do the Linda
like it's the only thing on earth
Love 2do the Linda
It's a California verb
Love2do the Linda
Soft pink bunnies on her head
Love 2do the linda
Love her happy head
Gimme Lin-Da!  Aah Ah

Eight crazy knights of
the NFL did **** the
Queen Victoria

The victory queen
upon hurt so screamed "can't watch
anymore of ya"

I love your yellow hair
The scent [of it] is in the air
I love your yellow rose
I put it to my nose

You're a rainbow after rain
I'm not gonna say your name
Love your sister just the same
Lonliness's such a pain

rain, rainbow, shine
rain, rainbow, shine

Love to stick to you like glue
Not much more to it my loo
Lips that kisst me true & true
Little lover I love you

rain, rainbow, shine
rain, rainbow, shine

I just love your yellow hair
And the scent of it in [the] air
And I love your yellow rose
Gonna put you to my nose

Rain, rainbow, shine
Breathe deep, relax
Rain, rainbow, shine

You um umm

The **** beaches do
expose the shamelessness of
polluted waters

Beware the baker
for his battery is a
sweet death to follow

That Rumi, he was a real
crybaby poet

Always complaining

How the catholics and jews always receive favor
And how the muslims have to always suffer

Well poet Rumi, you big crybaby
Maybe if the muslims would stop
killing in the name of G
Then, they too, could receive favor

instead of acting like a jokar

I used to work for the C.I.A.
I did hits for them.  It's what they
do
And I did them until they knockt me off
sue
Tell me what to do
The bank teller told me
"We looktup you acct. sir
It was closed because you are
deceast"
I said "Geesh!"
and "I wanna cry"

She said "I'm sorry sir,
there's nothing I can do"
and there is nothing
I can do
sue
tell me what to do
sue

I thought that I could even things
up with Debbie
and **** HER in the ***

But, all she dished-out was
her piles hole

Just a ****** ******* mess

Liz Taylor was a fuckpig.
Forbes used to call me and say
"Let's double-team this dumb *****."
And we would double-team that dumb *****.
Give'er a real goin' ovah.
Sometimes in a limo.
Sometimes on a motorbike.

Really tore that thing up...

.. and today we rededicate this park after
one of Hollywood's finest.  Ladies and
gentlemen may I introduce to you "The
Liz Taylor Grand Canyon National Park."

The first newspapers had to be chisled out by hand
with a chisle and mallet.  Not exactly the fine print
we get today.  And if the chisle-er made a mistake,
then that piece of stone would have to be reprossessed.
This would cause a delay in production and delivery.
Another drawback was that those stones were
heavy.  And no matter how greased your cartwheels,
the donkey could only pull so much weight.  However,
if you were lucky enough to get a copy of The Evening
Stone, (at the price of only three dracmas per slab) you
would have a piece of news that could literally last
longer than a lifetime.  (pardon the alliteration)

                                                The End

Mr. Santa can I have your reindeer for Christmas
Mr. Santa lend me your reindeer for Christmas
She was only seventeen
When she meant the world to me
So come on Santa please
Lend them to me
So I can see my sweet Louise

Mr. Santa can I have your reindeer for Christmas
Mr. Santa lend me your reindeer for Christmas
She meant the world to me
When she moved to far to see
Now she's living in Miami
So Santa please lend them to me
Lend them to me

Send Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and *****
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen
And just so I can see
Send Rudolph with his red nose PLEASE
Oh, Santa won't you please

Mr. Santa can I have your reindeer for Christmas
Mr. Santa lend me your reindeer for Christmas...

a little metered rhyme
enjambed; fine

a nilly-shaking sparrow
trembling; mine

Jack's girl sits there playing
She's got a new idea
There's an honesty to making love
Yes, she has this down to a science
Then, she flies away, flut, flut
So hard to follow

Jack's girl hasn't time for me
She sits there, so comforting
Picture perfect; sweet petite
One cool treat in summer heat
Juxstapositioned on a riverboat
She gets my vote\lover's note
Jack's girl does

My bonnie lies over the ocean
My bonnie lies over the sea
My bonnie tells lies all of the time
She lies, she lies, she lies
She tells so many lies
She has a job as a librarian

robin williams' ghost goes into a ghost bar
the announcer announces him
"ladies and gentlemen please welcome
the newly arrived robin williams' ghost"
{The audience is dead silent}
robin williams ghost speaks "whoa, tough
crowd, must be a lot of zombies here tonight
anyway frankenstein goes into a bar
the bartender sees him and says
"we don't serve your kind"
frankenstein is like "huh"
the bartender replies
"you heard me, we don't serve your kind
you wanna drink, go to the monster bar
two blocks down, big sign, monster, bar"
frankenstein turns and as he is walking away
shakes his head and sighs "always the same thing
go to the monster bar, go to the monster bar.""