Today I walked
Along the dunes
My heart was very quiet
The sea my sole companion

I thought of you
Your smile, your kiss
How I longed for your love
How I long for you tonight

I saw a ship
So far away
Out on the horizon
Where sea surrenders to sky

In such a way
As lovers know
Within their longing hearts
That reason gives way to love

I found a shell
Upon the sand
Its beauty touched me so
A gift from the pounding surf

That scrubs this beach
With every tide
A cycle of cleansing
Of purposeful renewal

And as I turned
To leave the beach
I looked back at the bay
And in its shining surface

I saw your face
And felt your kiss
And knew your thoughts were here
Such is the strength of our love.

With stealthy grace I saw her pass
a well loved lass.
So cute of paw
was what I saw.

This furry friend and decent pet,
on her I set
my eyes to rest.
She made a quest

toward her bowl of rich cat food,
I knew she would.
And then to creep
to bed for sleep.

Once upon a time
I was happy
With a teenage fumble
Behind the supermarket

Now - alone
I listen
To Morrisey sing
'I'm miserable now'
On a rainy Wednesday
On bleak streets
Those same streets
A kid knew well

On Saturday's I went
With mother
To town on the bus
To carry shopping

Jarvis sang
About Deborah
The fountain down the road
Tracy was my Deborah

A blonde who worked
In Presto's
Her sister was in my year
But I didnt fancy her

Chips on the bus
To a Britpop soundtrack
I carried Tracy's image
To bed in my mind
By fifth year
I'd lost control
Hormones stole
A University education

Tracy gone
Hormones remain
Sapping my dreams
And Presto's closed!

Ethereal light shines down
On modern Londinium
As we sit by the lake
Near St Giles-without-Cripplegate

Felicity leans forward
Her head slightly bowed
As if in silent prayer
Me – her confessor

Abruptly she stands
Taller than Shakespeare Tower
Why do you always come here?
It’s the antithesis of home

She adjusts her skirt
Last night it seemed too long
A duck lifts its tail feathers
***** on the concrete

Felicity is a rainbow
Most clearly seen during rain
Her moods still move me
Psychedelia made real

Your strange – she says
Your beautiful – my reply
She smiles – her face like coloured glass
The window of a great Cathedral

I see God in your face
I thought you followed Sartre
I did….I do…
This place suits both

I caught you last night
Eyeing that girl
Near Blackfriars bridge
Keep your eyes on the prize

Yes – you did
Now she’s my confessor
But she hadn’t your colour
Your pattern or form

Felicity kisses me
I squeeze her tight
By evening we’ll make love
Leave the ducks to the Barbican.

Felicity of the colours appears
In the still city air
I check that her coat is warm
For Edinburgh is cold

Absent-mindedly she chats
Past Hepworth and Moore
Toying with the hair that falls
As the leaves part the trees

The Riley exhibition proves
Too much for her eyes
Those beautiful eyes
That will live on from the day.

Flowery mind
Raining down on my eyes
Searching in the earth
For the seeds of my soul

A concrete jungle
Chemical life-source
Last chance saloon
For love and ***

Graffiti covered morals
An urban code
Values permeated
With corporate vice

Clouds shifting
Uncover the moon
Still searching the soul
In this city wasteland

They gather
To the sound
Of the pipes ringing
Across the village

They gather
To see
The strong men
Hurl the hammer

They gather
As the dancers
Lilt and lift
Above the swords

They gather
In their tartan
Both young and old
As the saltire flies

They gather
In spite
Of rain
And midgies

They gather
As so many years past
They gather
For The Games


Written after the Helmsdale Highland Games Sat 15th August 2015.

The clock has moved on
from the hours that it kept
When, below it I would wait
to meet again your smile

The time it has shown
with hands and face
Has left your hands still kind
Your face still beautiful

As I dip my fingers
into the cool fountain below
I remember those evenings
flicking water where you sat

Watching the people
passing through Stevenage Town Square
Passing through their lives
as ours lay out before

Then years of marriage
with no need to wait
Yet often I would sit
and imagine you arrive

But the clock has ticked on
and now you are gone
Yet I feel you still
in the fountains cool water.

By tidal trance
I watched her dance
She skipped among the stones

Her agile grace
Brought smile to face
Before I toddled home.

As the bus whizzed past
I glimpsed the stones at Stenness
They towered monolithically
above a dozen or so tourists

Who themselves seemed like stones.

Then something spoke to me
in the quiet part of the soul
Something from millennia past
and I looked once more at the tourists

Crying for the brevity of life.

Still heart
Like a pond
Whose secrets
Lie deep beneath

A girl walks
Alone
Through city streets
Beneath the flyover

In the meadow
Of the soul
A heart flutters
Like wildflowers

At her feet
A beer can
Rattles by
In the wind

A swan appears
In silhouette
Against a sky
Awake with promise

She spies the man
A derelict
Beard red with grey
Eyes so hungry

A dark cloud
Appears
It stains
The blue

She rolls up
Her sleeve
He passes
The needle

A petal falls
Red like blood
Lands on the pavement
She spits on its presence.

The psycological effects
of the rewired mind
infused with the 'Green Fairy'
are learned the easy way

As he - that is I
strides the late night town
ten foot tall
with a sixteen year old

on his arm
in the town
as the gargoyles
watch from heaven

A night spent trying
to climb a moving Vesuvius
a chimeral dreamscape
of unreal reality

As he - that is I
strides the late night town
ten foot tall
with a sixteen year old

on his arm
in the town
as the gargoyles
watch from heaven

Does your heart reach out?
With empty longing inside
Searching a soul-mate

Let me make you understand
My love could fill up that void.

The landscape of home
'neath blanket of crisp, clean frost
Keeping warm the heart.

Your face - so young
So beautiful to me
It catches my eye
Seducing me to return

To see it - to know it
Yet I don't know 'you'
I have never met you
Perhaps I never will

Your pretty left eye - Its pretty left eye
Your dark hair - Its dark hair
How that eye holds me
With its gaze averted

Your scarf - of biege
So tenderly wrapped
I can feel its warmth
Yet I've never touched it

Your portrait - a masterpiece
Yet it is not 'you'
We must face that fact together
As exhibitionist and ******

It's not paper - it's not paint
For when I leave this room
I'll ever still see 'it'
Not paper, paint or you

It exists - you exist
I exist also
You created the portrait
But what created me?

I turn - I leave
With one last look I think
I do not know her, but she
Should be proud of what she's done.


An early poem I thought I'd lost!

Felicity is
Sand to the beach
Warmth to the sun
Light to the stars

A stream of my conciousness
I saw her once
In a girls self portrait
So real - surreal

She wore a beige scarf
As I'd never imagined
Her hair was dark
Yet at times she's blonde

Like light through a prism
She dazzles and changes
Form and colour flow freely
Yet my mind can hold her

Tonight she seems near
My thoughts touch her
An abstracted image
That flows through my pen

These are the moments
Parallel to reality
A happier place
An altered condition

Multi dimensional
She's my Lowry's 'Ann'
And tonight I am wrapped
In Felicity's arms

When she leaves me
I know she'll return
And I'll practice the ways
To call out her name.

On canvas
I try
To depict
Felicity

Young
Vibrant
Dangerously
Beautiful

A portrait
Of her
100% so
Yet more

Green
Yellow
Red
Black

For I
Have stolen
Into the work
With her

Felicity
Me
Us
You

Just like a harbour
Filled with an incoming tide
Your love swells my heart

I do not know you
Yet - I dream
At night I see your face
In the pale moon

As I walk the streets
The town feels cold
I feel your hand
Give warmth to mine

By the Manchester Ship Canal
I picture our meeting
The smile on your lips
Lust in my eyes

A kiss below the streetlamp
A ***** in the underpass
You look at the bridge
I look at your face

The train pulls in
I wake from my daydream
You alight at the station
I drown in my guilt.

Early evening
In the bar
Where I sit
Looking at the mirror

She walks in
Early 20's
Skinny jeans, flat shoes
A pale green F & F top

As I look
At the mirror
This unknown girl
Begins to fill it

The mirror has always
Been there
Constant - comforting
But ever present

This girl is new
She flits around
Confidence - energy
She orders a drink

In the mirror
I see her
Perch on a bar stool
*** toward me

The mirror plays tricks
On my distracted mind
Enhancing the curves
Of this slender girl

Through the mirror
Her hair
Shines, hangs straight
Down a sculptured back

She sips her orange
As the mirror
Slows the effect
Increasing the allure

And then
She leans forward
That *** protrudes
But the mirror breaks

I'm seeing you
Eyeing that ******* girl
You're always the same
The mirror has spoken!

'He's still here!'
The Facebook message reads
'Who?' I ask
'The guy I pulled last night'

Well, I think, watching the storm clouds
They say the New Year brings hope

She at least needs that.

They'd said she was dead
but she served me just now
In the Royal Mail sorting office
up on Green Road

Fished out the river
was how they all had her
On a dark, wet Sunday
and I thought of the girl

Who twenty years before
sat beside me in Tech. Drawing
Who I didn't fancy
but liked all the same

Double periods
On Tuesday mornings
In that concrete box
that wasted our time

She served me just now
in the Royal Mail sorting office
She's cheated death
We're not ready to die.

Here in the dark

Often will I

Listen to crazy notes

Crazy, jazz-filled notes, that can



Move my mind

Stir my soul

As they work their magic

Through the ending of the day



And do you hear

That music too

Is it in someway shared

How I'd love those notes to speak



To you and I

Both together

Holding each other close

In sweet surrender to love



And as I see

In my minds eye

The dazzling, shining, bright

Reflections of brass, I feel



That we are both

Caught in a whirl

As crazy as these notes

That fill the air with sound



And as the tune

Plays on and on

So too I hope will ours

A never ending jazz piece



Written for us

In its own style

And boldly played some day

So the whole wide world can hear



About the love

Between us both

That's crazy and heartfelt

As are all these jazz-filled notes.

This place chooses
not to ignore the sea
that gifted its soft sand
upon which footsteps wander

As the waves pound the rocks
the sound colours the voices
of the old Norse raiders
whose longships challenged the surf

While I think of those
who like winter's Goldeneye
make of this place a home
marrying it to their heart

Yes, this place chooses
not to ignore the sea
for it is a breathing artform
sculpted by her hand.

He pecked and pecked that night
the little beggar
For I quietly watched him
as dark stole in

To rob from me the redness
of his rich breast
The chubby joy he gave
in days last minutes

Was anything but wasted
providing peace
As I waited for my tea
served with love

That I had for the robin
with his jaunty ways
And as rain touched the window
I gave him to the night.

Felicity smiles
whilst placing
'Iron in the Soul'
On the pillow

She's turning French
Once more
Two weeks from now
We'll be in Montparnasse

She stopped me once
Asked for a light
In a little side street
Near Euralille

This ****** girl
Who smokes
Sensually
For my pleasure

Felicity
extends her left arm
While casually yet carefully
examining the lit tip

Last cigarette
The fountains babble
and Martini glasses gather
like harbingers of doom

She's in a mood
As this year now draws
to its' inevitable close
Yet sheer beauty radiates

Out from in her
She draws attention
Knowing I think of another
by now at Canary Wharf

I fetch more drinks
A couple embrace
Kiss in what strikes me here tonight
as most illicit somehow

Illicit, yes
and us complicit
But secrets come too easily
in all my interactions

Felicities
Much more beautiful
with moonlight on their naked skin
than they appeared in the dark

Abstractedly
I touch her shoulder
As I touched in fertile summer
the fleshy, tender belly

Of another
Who did not love me
and was never Felicity
like this well-dressed girl tonight

So shall the next
as yet unlived year
bring more of this challenge
Imposters and intruders

To inner peace
Agents of discord
****** and killing a dreamscape
of a love that is settled

Felicity
Her eyes follow me
with cigarette between pink lips
that at midnight will speak truth.

Psychedelic swirls
Twisting and turning my mind
Tell me who I am.

Let your words flow
Out across your page
Vivid pictures
Enriched with style

Heart confessed
Emotions shared
Art made real
Received by me
Thankful follower

At Gordon Hill
I climbed aboard
A lazy day
For being bored

Enfield sweltered
Beneath the sun
Then I saw her
She looked like fun

Her torn blue jeans
Showed sun-brown thigh
As Hertfordshire
Slipped quickly by

An English miss
Of that no doubt
My usual type
Is short and stout

But on that train
Just her and I
Her slender form
Did keep my eye

Both Welwyn bound
A summer's day
I fantasised
Us in the hay

That kept the shade
Of her fair hair
They put her there
For me to stare

A poster girl
She was you see
On British Rail's
Class Three One Three.

The greyest of skies
Follows darkest night
By the surging sea
A birds call carries

Mournful and plaintive
Alone in sadness
It tears at my heart
Sharing in its loss

Waves smash at the shore
Releasing that which,
They've shared for so long
Life - that I'd die for

Rain sweeps in across
The bays wild foaming
Stinging at my eyes
Displacing the gull

Forcing me at last
To face what's the truth
That life shades in dark
And we are alone.

The softest of smiles
Reaches right into my heart
And then steals its key.

Amongst the ruins red I watch
Felicity pick her way
A scene of strength and gentleness
Upon an April day

Before the sun had rose this morn
Man had cause to shiver
A bomb laid waste another place
Far from Eamont River

I stood in peace, enjoyed the sun
Aubretia in bloom
Despite the castles sweet decay
I could not sense the doom

These battlements once built for war
Now were nought but lovely
And love I felt for that sweet place
And for she who loved me

Therein the strength enduring all
To me that day was found
And not in some satanic bomb
So far from England's ground.

Autumn called
Us in
To the cruel clutches
Of tomorrow

I cried that day
When Felicity played
Richard Harris' ' MacArthur Park'
On a 33

My tears flowed
From her eyes
Splashing down
On the revolving disc

Then we took
Each others hand
Remembering the Barbican
Felicity in red

Tonight we slip
Through love
To a thousand summers
We triumph over autumn

Southwaite Services ****
She is
Strutting across the carpark
Shaking that tail

Oh look at her walk
One hip at a time
Over and over
On the motorway I'll see her

Understand this
Up here in my mind
United we'll be
Under the sheets

Though she's fifty at least
The experience shows
Thing or two I'd learn
That I wouldn't forget

Here she's a queen
High heels and tight jeans
Holding her own
Heading the pack

Wish I could hold her
Wish she was mine
Wish I could **** her
Wish she would know

And so it goes on
All in my head
An M6 fantasy
Asphalt fuelled love

Into the night
I carry my desire
Imagine our lives
Infused into one

Throwing the shackles
The difference in age
Testing the boundaries
That society sets

Exit ahead
End of my journey
****** attraction
Ends up as love.

I stood there quietly - without a sound
With thoughts of things I deem profound
Like Socialism's methods fair
And Lily Allen's long dark hair

You ask me lover
What's the point
Can't you see
That there's not one

Yet at the same time
One exists
Yes - perhaps
The greatest point of all

It's because I can
That is why
And want to
So one day - I will

No, not to spite you
That's not me
You know that
C'mon now listen

Who cares what science
Says of sound
This object
Could alter my world

If I possesed it
Lily Allen
On Vinyl
A big, round L.P

A true work of art
Lilys' art
Existing beyond its form
I can hear it now!

Every note pressed
Perfectly
Filling the air
With its captured sound

Yet I can hear you argue
Making a scene
Missing the point
Trying to persuade me

That C.D's better
Clearer sound
More modern too
But that's never it

For years I've wanted
That record
I'd watch it
Go round and around

Yet for years I've chosen
Not to buy
But to deny
Myself the pleasure

Often I have thought
I'll buy it
Sit and watch
Its nothingness go

But I loved all that
Nothingness
Simple fact
That I did not own it

But now soon I will
Hold it here
Commited
Its nothingness gone

And I will play it
Night and day
Until you see
It's because we can.





"Say what you say, Do what you do. Feel what you feel, As long as it's real" Lily Allen



"That is what I mean when I say that man is condemned to be free: condemned, because he did not create himself, yet nonetheless free, because once cast into the world, he is responsible for everything he does." Jean-Paul Sartre, Existentialism is a Humanism

Five lights
Invade the night sky
Intruders
To her mind

From terra
A teenage girl
Considers them
Understanding the truth.

Felicity has eyes
Of every hue
One is amber
The other blue

I call her mine
Perhaps she is
Mine once more
No longer his

Felicity is my day-dream
One and every girl
I watch her of an evening
Pirouette and twirl

She reaches to the stars
Exists within my galaxy
Planetary girl
Born in deep down fantasy

Tonight my mind abstracts
All that's real is lost
Felicity takes my hand
The void comes at a cost

As we drift in space
We two drift as one
Turn our back on earth
Yielding to the sun.

Dark forms against sky
Cut the air with their black wings
Breaking my silence

They fly above the river
That in days gone by brought hope.

Your face - it's so beautiful
Yet I cannot bear to look
For I fear that I may see
In it, my own reflection

I ask you - please, turn away
I beg of you - just do it
My minds consumed by terror
A nightmare lies between us

You're asking me - I know it
To share our lives together
Have you never read the quote
Yes -  l'enfer, c'est les autres

Don't you know that I'll fail you
I'll see your disappointment
And then your eyes will harden
I'll suffer for your judgement

So go on take your beauty
Beauty that I cannot face
For I fear that I may see
In you, my own reflection.


"So this is hell. I'd never have believed it. You remember all we were told about the torture-chambers, the fire and brimstone, the 'burning marl.' Old wives' tales! There's no need for red-hot pokers. Hell is - other people!"           Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit.

As the rain
Hammers
The sand
Of the shore

I see her walk
Felicity
Legs brown
With summer

Her long dark hair
Hangs heavy
As she casts a rock
Into Neptune's jaws

Into the surf
I dive
To retrieve
This rock

To hold it
As a last
Memory
Of her.

As I stood there
On a Monday morning
In the quiet peace
Of Highgate Cemetery

I thought of Lily
Lily with the long dark hair
That flows through my mind
From time to time

How could it be?
I thought to myself
That here before Marx's tomb
I should think of her

The answer was simple
Marx was a great thinker
But Lily
Is London's flower.

Through scent of frankincence
heady as she
I see her move
with Eritrean grace

Ebony skin I feel
moves my senses
Her jebena
shall ever hold my heart.

She wore her ***
On the Rue Vavin
Like a pink scarf
Round her naked neck

Yesterday we visited
The Zadkine's
At Montparnasse
Where students smoke and love

There her boredom
Was palpable
Though the streets
Enriched her beauty

An English rose
Walking on cobbled streets
Parisian streets
Streets of our love.

In the final hour
Of the day
They fell

Deep in to
Each others arms
Deep in to
Each others heart
And deep in to
Each others love

And from that depth
A depth known only
To them - Not others
They vowed

They would never rise.

The words seemed to dance
freely within the script
So much so that it seemed difficult
to determine what pattern
they might eventually take.

Yet as I rose early
in order to watch
Coventry awake
The silence morphed into noise
and I prayed that the summer
would reveal its truth.

She doesn't care, Felicity
Which side of the M25 she was born
But I do as the rain
Hammers down the asphalt

The poetry of the concrete collar
Exit ramps, overheads,benzene
Subtly turns me on
As she removes her high heels

'London Orbital' she slowly mouths
while lighting another cigarette
It has three 'O's
Not unlike myself

I watch her from behind the wheel
The motorway's pulse fills the space
Between us and the world
As we wait for the night.

I see her barefoot on the sand
she gazes out to sea
The breeze touches her hair
Her eyes fix on the surf

She is at peace
With the sea

Above the waves there is motion
coloured forms are alive
Butterflies, dancing with the life
of a future unlived.

She is at peace
With the butterflies

The butterflies reflect her moods
Sky blue with hope
Scarlet red with love
Rich green with Earth

She is at peace
With the Earth

Before me she transforms
into a meadow of wildflowers
That sing of 60's peace
on a quiet Friday afternoon

She is at peace
With the afternoon

My mind briefly imagines her
Below Caziel's mural
Absorbing a culture of hope
That lives within her heart

She is at peace
With her heart

And then I see her turn
the sunlight plays briefly on her face
She retraces her steps into town
leaving footprints in the sand

She is at peace
With herself.

Dat by day the grey clouds hung
Round bails in wetness rolled
Hedgerows stood wind-harvested
The fields of colour bleached

Even the sea seemed heavy
Thick with slate
I doubted that life it held
As it fought against the dark cliffs

In town: Oily puddles formed
Empty cans clattered through Poundstretcher carpark
Cold wind Wick River whipped up
The swallows had left

I darkened....... Until

Robin flashed his red in conifer green
Felicity's rain-soaked hair clung to her face as she laughed
And the geese shared Heaven with the Milky Way
So that I,
                Could raise my spirit to the approaching storm.