chasing walls
in the hope that
they'll catch up
is like admitting
that we put them there
in the first place

it's happened already, we know this, for sure
but nothing solidifies it more concretely
as when i hear you say it to your friends

it happened a year ago, completely, for sure
because when we both started acting discretely
i had already seen two different ends

one in which the path would straighten
and we'd grow the same way, as before
one in which we end up so far apart
that it wouldn't
matter
it might even have healed by now
but i didn't anticipate the third
or the fourth
or the fifth
nor the sixth
the seventh, eleventh
the eighth, the hate
the ninth, not mine
not even yours, surely

because i really care for you, and i don't want you to die
i just want us to be honest about what's left of you and i

i honestly don't know what's worse
to live a life that's devoid of sincerity
or to seriously pretend you're alive

i don't know what its worth, either
to live a life that's bound to prosperity
but how many beans make five?

two beans, a bean and a half, half a bean and a bean
and a toothbrush and a monkey wrench to clean the space between
the first thing that you'll notice about a has-been
is what it's seen

now i have a story to tell
because i always wanted to be a writer, and
i didn't worry about it
i watched the world spin past me, and
so i sat quietly in the corner
none of it was making any sense, and
i really wanted to document it
i wanted to figure out what went wrong, and
now it hurts like hell


some things go from bad to worse
and others can only get better
sometimes i wish it had been in reverse
or i'd read it the other way round.

i don't feel a thing
so i shouldn't feel afraid
it's not natural

it's not like i planned this
way back in atlantis
though this is what history preferred

it's not like i wanted
to be taken for granted
it's just what the mystery inferred

it's not circumstantial
or in any way minuscule
it's not like i caught myself out

but if i could be truthful
if just for this mouthful
when you're ready, just give me a shout

if you need a bit more, i'll be here
if you need me to go, i'll be way over there
if you need me to love you
i'm gonna think twice
and i'll listen to reason
no matter the price

but if you keep on pretending
like nothing needs mending
i'll help you swallow that pill

if you want me to be
then let me be free
sure, it'll be superficial

but right now i've got nothing to hide
so you can take someone else for a ride

i know some things that you don't
and you have some things of mine
i don't know if you remember
where we had even drawn the line

to be fair
to be sure
where do you want to be
because i'm here
and i'm sure
you want to be with me

but your terms are bent
can't even pay the rent
so i'll let you
destroy me
to be sure
to be fair

so right now i'm drawing a line
from now to next september
i'll hang on to what is left of mine
and know there are things that i won't

let go of... oh forget about it, anyway
it seems like it was yesterday
that you saw what i could hide
so you took me for a ride
and i, like a surfer to a sand dune
said okay