I don't want to be here.
I never want to think again.
I don't want to live here anymore
I mean in my head even silence is impossible there.
I don't want to take my life.
Just not mine some one else's will sure be fine.
Tic tic my life flys.
Happy days leave my side...
Then it's back to my darkest mind.
I don't want to live my life.
I'm all alone.
Again there they go suicide this self harm that I'm hanging on to hope even though I'd rather the rope.

"Daddy it's four years now".
"I would like to think I've made you proud"
But that I hardly doubt.
"I'm looking down to my children now"
How they're granddad is not on lower ground.
"How you would love them".
"Ava's two now and ana six now.
"their so pretty accept you can't see them now.
If only dad you could see some times I think about you and wonder if were here now.
"Would you still be the man you were?"
Maybe you started fresh no suicidal thoughts inside your head?".
I always guessed there's something beyond death.
But if that was true I could see you here hug you back listen to your heart study your breath.
Just one minute a word of what you did why you had to hang your self and why I had to live.
Daddy daddy I miss you now.
But daddy I also know why you didn't want to live.
A late good bye four year flew by.
You'll always be my hero.
My dad my king.
Good bye father the angels sing.

I know what I've done.
What the pauses are I've caused.
An still I cause more.
For my disappointment shows no flaws.
Each momental pause causes more pain than I never proceeded to mean to gain.
To the outside looking in I look fine "I'm surviving".
I try drugs. love and self escape.
Just to end up in the same place.
Suffering pain I can't take.
Was I meant for this or a cruel mistake.
Can I take pace on a path where I don't hate the sight of own face.
Replace the one who looks back the one with blue eyes not black and opaque.
Replace the pain and disgrace that peers back to my skin of grey drawn in cheeks
With veins that drugs leak from,
My tourniquet is the only thing that brings me back to norm.
Or should I say numb.
I'm sick!
Sick of holding on one more ml and soon I'm gone.
Every body's looking at my life wondering where they went wrong how they regret how we never got on another soul or ashes blowing out in the sun.

I walk my life within endless dreams.
I float along like silence streams
I'm and out of all my dreams.
With every wave my thoughts escape.

Up and up and away with me.
My tears run away with me.
I walk my life within my dream.
I lose my mind "someone please drown me".
My pains and hate surround me.

In and out I flea my life. Till my life is sea and side.
I hope from source to main to sea.
I hope I can find inner-peace.
My voices is warm but my grip is cold.
My mind is weak. "Thoughts of social and serial"
My life longs achievements of life longs of bleak my streams run and feed to plants and meat I run I run within my dream the lonely life of a psychotic stream

She moves like the wind.
On every flow. "I float the wind with my every being".

I'm clutching to change with every weather.

I'm I grasping to life.
like I never thought was ever possible.
I'm holding on.
I'm never letting go.

When I can fly away
I will fly so high.
Apon the wind with every blow.
By the trees of green and flowers of white and pink.
I will be flying so high with the clouds around me.
I'll be flying so high there's no looking back and down from me.
Above the houses so high.
That of skyscrapers and until the wind falls by my brothers and sisters around me.
One falling leaf
"That was me"

I'm flying "take me away"
I'm flying "if only for the day"
I'm crying "for goodness sake"
I'm crying " for everything I dreamed of".

Take me away"I need love for my heart to feel pain".
Take me away " to a place where I can escape".

Take me to a place "Where my life is not based on survival for someone else's fate".
Take me to a place "where my life is not for goodness sake".


I'm flying "take me away".
I'm flying "take me to a place where my life was never a mistake.

Take me away "I need to fight".
Take me away "to a place where my sanity is not base on my everyday life".