Tease me with your words.

Let.
       Each.  
                 Syllable
       Fly.
Free.

And when you drift
away,
I hope this happiness exists,
that you find
to be beyond
your fingertips.

You put the L
in Lust,
and the Loss
in Love.

But let me not forget
my own imperfections.
When you force yourself
to smile all of the time,
you ready yourself available
to restrooms.

Who am I to say what your smiles mean?
Just as I would not expect you to know mine.

The quirks and the relevancy of
daily life
cloud the fact
that progression
is essential,
and that the need for development
is the reason for closure
and travel.

Emotional baggage is only
goodbyes that aren't finished.
And sometimes they will never
be salvaged; relationships are like that.
But it's important to remember
who you explained a few
smiles to.

Texas, you ran on me like blood,
miles of road building up for an anticlimax.
Sun on her back, begging for rust,
wringing herself for another hour of daylight.
Green and golden grass through the windshield
speckled with red.

Made me want the coming dust,
made the vibrant greens of the humid East
seem like anthills worth cementing over,

Golden red. Wind whipped through the car windows,
nostalgia in a place I'd never seen.
I wanted to break you. Time was too still,
change was too slow for me. Southwest America had my name
drawn in dead bug splatters and drained coffee cups
somewhere ahead.

Time doesn't translate to these long miles,
it's just you and me and something new, something old.
Me and the windshield and the dead bugs,
and flitting thoughts of North Carolina,
repeated songs, hard silences,
and something chilling about these dead towns.
Some salty Pacific air already on my tongue.

Something nameless to remind me that being young is bittersweet,
and I don't know what I'm running from

Free yourself from yourself;
transcend your own Mind.

Mind is a tool that can be used, in any way seen as fit, but, it can also abuse; 
it will ultimately dominate your existence, if allowed to.
Mind tends to lead One down the Paths of Overstimulation; Overindulgence. Overthinking.
To overcome these forces is to forge in fire a stronger and more complete Self:

Ride the Waves; but take heed of the Undertow.

You are in control until the point where you sacrifice it for peace of mind.
It is either a conscious decision or an act of desperation; subordination. Surrender. Defeat.
To sacrifice self-control for sake of comfort;
this indulgent peace of mind is hollow and fleeting,
a mere moment in the ebb and flow of Time.

Cling not to Peace of Mind; you shall be dragged downstream.
Seek it not; lest you **** yourself to a wild goose chase.
Claim it not when you have it; to disrespect it is to forgo.

Simply attempt to realize the ways in which you restrict yourself;
they ways in which you've yet to set your Self free.
Try to acknowledge the ways in which your Mind is your puppeteer,
rather than it being more mutually beneficial.

These malevolent mental marionette strings exist,
for no one is it ever a one-time struggle, it sure isn't for me;
Shadow seeks always to gain power within;
to corrupt your being from the inside out, and
it will always succeed if you don't redirect it.

Mind can break thy chains as quickly and easily as it makes them.
It just takes awareness and willpower.

Free yourself from yourself for yourself; though it's neither easy nor simple.
Free yourself from yourself for yourself; it is up to you alone to grow as a Being.
Free yourself from yourself for yourself; no one else is able to do it for you.
Free yourself from yourself for yourself; though you must teach yourself how.
Free yourself from yourself for yourself.

The yearning to dissolve
is sending subtle attempts at destruction of self.

Yes, I continue to struggle with the same subject.
Pulling at the edges of what I thought I wanted
so hard that I cause a rift in my desires, finding
that there's nothing I want or need in this life.

Simply fleeting are all the things that happen to me,
all the things I do to others, and whatever it is that
will be the end of us.

it's the end of me.
right here.
last night.
this morning.
one year ago
a love killed
everything I was.

an escape.
escape from me, I'm toxic
and I'm bleeding
and I'm going to drink that blood.

I made a promise not to hurt myself...

nothing more or less
I am what I am, but the more I feel,
the more I feel like I'm less.

wanting EVERYTHING all at once,
not caring this time, I'm going to scribble,
it's more beautiful than not being understood at all.

I'll scribble and let you think what you want
as I taunt myself with the truth of things so
painfully that I feel like it has to be a lie.

yet

here I am spilling my guts
my insides
my self
all by myself I am tortured with lovers
from all angles
some call me an angel
yet all I want is black
and the darkness within me is screaming
telling me I'm not doing what's right for my soul
yet all I want is black
and the darkness within me knows
telling me I'm doing my best for the ones that surround me.

I keep wanting to remove myself from this life I'm living.
too painful to look in the eye, I just stare at myself as if I am someone else.
knowing that I am who I am and that each time I meet someone
I am NEW, a creature they have never seen before and to them I am NEW
and FRESH and beautiful
and..
tortured? you?! ME? NO, they could not believe it.

I am a thinker, I am loved
I am special in their eyes
a gem or a diamond, a reflection of my insides is what I hide behind
perhaps never to find what it is that others see in me.

depression is something I can handle,
oddly enough it's something I can't schedule,
it's not something I can comprehend, it's simply something I live with.

I hold it in strange faces,
you know the ones that are so often played with,
fake smiles.
except you make me smile!
it's not fake,
it's just easy to dismiss the sadness when in your presence.

this!

I don't want to have to be around others for happiness.
I don't need to be.
I haven't learned how not to be as well as I'd like to have learned by now.
I ought to have learned by now.
I'm making progress.

I cannot afford to attach myself completely,
because as soon as I detach then there will
surely be not enough left to be complete alone.
Barely now, I can stand on two legs without
some sort of destructive quality in my heart.
Barely now, do I remember how to love.

Do I remember how to love?
or accept it?

I cannot accept it
unless I do not realize it.

I do not realize what or who I am
and I wish to find without search.

yes, I am thinking.
thinking too much?
if that's what you say then I agree.
not thinking enough?
I agree as well.

it's all about what you think about that determines
the amount of "too much" and "not enough".

don't give me grief because my focus is not yours.
don't give me attention.
I'm a child, crying out for attention.
if you give me what I want,
all I'll want is more.

The excitement of not knowing.
Curiosity has got me on my knees;
you are a bundle of learning.

The descriptions in which I dictate thought
are nothing more or less in which the way
you think, and the only difference between us
is the fact that I say them aloud.

Love is loud, yet knowledge is knocking.
Perhaps
touching is feeling, and
knowing is believing.

I find that I strive for more than
which it is that I accept.

Although,
I accept more than what it is that
I wish to accept.
Wishing to attract what's apart from me,
simply because of a few common interactions,
and the comfort it brings.

I love in many ways, some that are destructive,
(which I acknowledge), and others that help me
to breathe, think, write, and speak.

Although others doubt the power which I can share,
I will continue to carelessly be the person which I am.

Willingly trying to give up on being the person which
others tell me I should be, or rather, neglecting the "who"
in which others think I cannot succeed.

Friends are special and sacred,
I find love in all cracks,
and I accept the dark,
settling,
I am.

Love is in all places,
all faces,
all things.

Give yourself up and be,
manifest.

the more you hate
the more you waste
the more you lose control

Living reality is difficult,
Fantasies are what keep you smiling.
In the chamber of my mind,
Forever seems absolutely possible.
But what is this holding onto forever?
Even though each moment with you I spend as if it’s the last,
And think of no other space or time,
Later on I say ‘I want to be with you forever.’
These words will only bring the end closer.
Not closer in a sense that the end will come faster,
Though this can also be true,
But when it does come it is the biggest blow to the heart
I have known.
The hypocrite part of me is showing now,
For even as I write this truth of love,  
I can’t let go of you…

Blocked
I've tried everything to break through
You think I'm lost
Confused
That I don't know who I am

I know exactly who I am
Warrior
Lover
Shaman
In that order I classify myself

Time has shaped me
Has it shaped you?
I can't get a read on your soul
Have you found it yet?

The sword
The bow
The mouth
All are deadly when wielded by one who knows

Waking nightmares
Memories of lives past
Blood, and glory

I know who I am
Stop calling me broken
I'm not