When the night falls
I falter to the what ifs
and drift into our old familiar seas
Like in a dream
One in which I wish I wouldn't wake
and hope to shake for it's breaking me
I carry the weight of every embrace
Now left to waste in the empty space left in my heart
Where you've made your mark
Before our depart
Carving your name
With such a beautiful art
You are my star so far
I beg my mind to stop envisioning you
I implore it to but it wont
and I don't know how to deal with this dread
That lays beside me each night in bed

Sleepless and full of wonder
I ponder impossibilities
The reality is simply wasted time and unfulfilled superiority
As I lay staring upon my ceiling
I write to give it meaning
Though I know I am lacking depth and understanding
The beginning lies within the dawn
I can only hope to spawn the other side of me
Tonight I'm far too gone dreaming of what could be

He believes in nothing
And dives into the essence to breath freely
Freezing time and relinquishing his pretensions
Gravity was far too heavy without the enhancement
The lows more extensive than the false paradise
I prey he finds his way through small sacrifice
It's the little things in life that keep us honest
He sits itching for release as he forsakes his actions
Unfortunately at times it seems impossible to break our habits
but our wills are stronger than the artificial entrapments

The snow came down silently
flickering underneath streetlights
and although the night seemed quite serene
my feet dragged across the ice
I shivered uneasily uncaused by winters spite
but rather the notion of saying goodbye
A grief I cant disguise
I saw your figure approaching me
as my heart let out a sigh
little did I know that vision would
haunt many long and lonely nights
I looked into your swollen eyes
and tried my best to make it right
But we both knew all to well
that if that pain was withheld
It would explode and poison our minds
That last kiss was greatly missed
my lips ached for weeks sometimes
and as I watched you walk away
my heart was locked in dismay
unsure of how to survive
to this day my mind goes back to that
place much like a sad tune becomes entangled in your mind
The night when the earth seemed to stop all together
The very worst night of my life

I hate the way your eyes cast down upon me
Belittling my stance and placing me underneath
I hate the way you assume and are consumed by your own ego
The way you try to shelter me and tell me where not to go
I absolutely hate the way you try to project a certain image onto me
Your expectations repulse me to the point of sickening rage
and leads me examining society wondering how the hell it got this way

On the surface I am calm,cool,and collected
I speak with compassion and reasoning
never from emotion
always looking to defuse useless arguments  
and tense situations

I seldom loose my control

But inside I cant help imagining
smashing everything around me
saying everything that came to mind
leaving this pent up aggression behind

I have no release
I just want to feel free

I hate having to be so civilized
but my mind doesnt allow me to bend
I want to regress and throw every bit
of wisdom out the door

To start to explore my darker side

but I cant and I cant figure out why..

Oh illusion can be so glorious
Love one of the greatest of all
He is everything EVERYTHING
was my world...
illuding me into a world of wonders
you ***** I'm not oblivious!
...I think the washer is broken.

Advice
I can give it flawlessly
I have changed lives
I could give someone the key
I've just seemed to have misplaced mine

I clenched your hand
Feeling your rhythm straight from your palm
Your heart was pumping a sad man's song
That brought me to tears
I could trace your fears
"You're never alone"

Your words fell like rain
Leaking your pain
as you strained to hold back the release
With your stiff upper lip I could see
It had been far too long
"It's ok, you're never alone"

I fell in love with you then
In that one intimate moment
Feeling the need to bring you into me
To shelter you from the storm
To this day I'll continue to say
"Don't worry,you're never alone"

Lines like luscious lips
That twist and tangle around my mind
Kissing my senses and igniting my inspirations
I play with your words
Day and night and fight my loneliness
My greatest strife
Fantasies tantalize the lids of my eyes
The stories
The raw emotions
Oh how I love the  poets

Our reception for suggestion has killed reason leaving us most vulnerable to deception
As the media promotes mass hysteria creating a platform for deliria
I sit in silent disbelief wondering about Nigeria
A bomb is more valuable than a life and no one cares unless it's their
own strife
I fear this war machine may never run out of fight

No matter what is expected or preconceived
Remain determined
Break through the chains of other's mentalities of what is to be
You are more than yesterday's realities
If you persevere there's no stopping your choices manipulating destiny
A persons fate is not set in stone
We grow beyond the mold of past perceptions
Never allow another to lessen your ambitions
Speak through velocity to prove undeniable ability to overcome and achieve
The cost whatever it may be is worth the sacrifice to obtain your dreams

I feel this undying need
to bring myself to a higher plane
my mind a run away train
that managed to veer off track
only to be redirected
and brought back to center

Peace is the moment we
find our way back
to the path that suits us
and I am sprinting breathlessly
in a desperate attempt to salvage

Once again regaining the strength
to repair and purify
with nothing other than growth in mind
our internal battles are most brutal
but fighting them is surely time well spent
The only war I believe in

Many will try to break you
shake your very foundations
degrade you
reshape you
displace you
The instinct to **** thrives in every mans will
A shrilling reality underlines every fatality
and evey empty shell
condemned to hell
When you're bitten do you bite?
Do you hunt your prey in the night?
Power playing the doe eyes lost in the headlights
Ending them with excellerating spite
For the sake of the fight or the game?
Isnt it all the same?
There's nothing here to gain
We're all dead in the eyes of fate
We either **** or self distruct
No matter what end of this spectrum your on
You have your enemies and allies
eating it up
It's disturbing as **** but we watch it live
we live it
we breathe it
colonise
A seducing feature in everyones eyes
We must admit most of us crave the dark side

I feel at times that science has failed us
reaping the seeds we've sown
unnaturally grown
and now for the big one
as I think you should know
Quick label the babies
who are GMO

I think it's sort of odd how we love something more
Once it's gone
We're too distracted to appreciate
Too greedy to be grateful
Too lost ourselves to ever listen
I see you there
I feel your touch magnified
I'm leaving tomorrow
Finally tonight
I see you

I saw them flying high above -
with love - twisting and bending air;
there was a pair.
I compared my clumsy arms to their wings -
bringing me to believe -
I'll only be with them truly in my dreams.

How could it be,
that these tiny fluttering things,
would etch themselves so vividly
into my memories - for a lifetime it seems.

I learned from the whispers of butterflies
and all the pain died in the wake of their fleeting dance.
Enchanting me forever with the idea of metamorphosis.

She's beautiful
I look on with such envy
Remembering the days you held me
Full of self pity
Feeling empty
Wondering why I need a man to feel worthy
I spilt the milk and cried myself silly
Leaving the mess to remind me of my folly
Note to self : I'm sorry
As I wipe my own tears missing my stability
He never even loved me

I catch fleeting glimpses of light
in this estranged wasteland of fight and flight
The streets are winding in circles and I am mindful of the cracks
As I walk alone experiencing turbulence

Though I have a lot of endurance
and chase the dawn in pursuit to advance
I have grown weary in many ways
Those fleeting glimpses maybe illusions of gain

Faces morph and contort
taunting me as I pass
and I keep my gaze grounded
For the sky knows nothing of heaven

What is this place that I've been disgraced to?
I wonder how many see the world as I do
but there is no one to share my thoughts of despair
So I keep treading along fully aware

It's as if I've been shocked
My mind a live wire
I wonder how and why my dreams expired
For a cynic I never dreamt to be

But against my best
The darkness found me
and pierced my sight unwillingly
****** me of all tranquility

Who sold me this rotten seed?

I wish for a ****
not a ****** mess
but to shed some skin
and expose my finest
because who I am
reflects inside my eyelids
but when I open to see
I can't face this person

She's crippled and mute
I try to reach her but when I do
she cries for the treason
of scaming me out of any quaility of life

She's controlling my body
while I am caged inside
using a view that lacks any vision
hellen keller could do better

In this struggle
to face the music
I want to dance
but my spirit has fallen
I try to pick up on the steps
but I harbor so much resistence

It almost feels like I am split in two
wanting to sing but lacking a tune
and I do have courage and I am strong
but the person who has surfaced
after this terrible fall
is nothing I stand for at all

I tell her day in and day out
get up cause your worth it
you know you are
but she stares back at me in the mirror
her eyes telling me
incessantly I am wrong

And I want to **** her
I want her gone
but she believes more deeply
I was made to fall

Media-
Pesky little fear spreading reporters
in an active attempt to spread information
That serves a specific agenda or resolution
such as getting the masses to consume or creating false images
to benefit or cover for some political figure
while masking the truth and only giving half assed
explanations and half of the facts
Most of us believe in everything we're told
at face value
This has to change

Eyes popping
in distant stares
I wonder if a soul inhabits the pair
red hair, bombs,guns
and drugged?
The second killer nowhere to be found
but was seen yet disreguarded and most unaware
of the eye witness reporting
Why cover the details?
Something fishy lingers in the air
Something remains unshared
Motives so unclear
but I heard holmes had an obsession
with mind control
The neuroscience student
that spread so much pain and fear
conspiracy surrounds like a think cloud
like Sirhan Sirhan
The scenes shrouded in mystery
yet similiar
Ever heard of the illegal CIA human research program
Rockfeller Commission?
Did you know he had a Neuroscience University?
Fishy indeed

I've never felt this vital before,
as my knees shake with each step into the unknown.
A place where I am forced to grow,
standing tall with an iron backbone,
and of all the seeds that I have sown
none are comparable to the magnificence that is
just beginning to show.

There he sat
right across from me
under my roof
uninvited
His presence alone triggered a rage
that before him was never known
His words slithered from his lips
Far from anything genuine
hanging in the air heavily
incessantly striking and pressing me
and I flinched at the notion he's been here for years
I saw him before through my families tears
It's surely the game that I oppose
but when you can put a name to it
this illusion grows
that you could take the life from it...

Compound eyes
Astonishing spectacles
Clairvoyant views from above
Wings glistening in the light of the sun

Buzzing long bodied mystical stories
Dragon's breath of spiritual eloquence
Releasing the bugs eating away at conscience
Skeletal spine of an egoless monk
whispering harmoniously the simple remedies
of cleansing thought

My snake doctor
Quick witted unmasker
your view 360 degrees
Focusing on the movement
and pesky mosquitos that feast
That leave us scratching our heads

I look on so enviously
at Lady Dragonfly
as she hovers angelically
In an eternal sky

It saddens me that the great one's lives are
always cut too short
but her legend lives on timelessly
Dating way back to Permian    period

In a moment of complete and utter despair
The only thing able to cut through the thick air
Was a small dose of laughter
A giggle shared  
As inappropriate as it may have seemed
It was undoubtedly a necessity

The moment came
and I drifted away my breath reduced to a quiver of chest
" BREATHE "
...no I cant
I needed to relax
my mind regressed
the lights dim
there was a peace there
until basic instinct kicked in
" BREATHE "
...a gasp
one head rush and I am back
Sometimes I wish I had left
I guess that just isn't right

During a vow of silence
I heard for the first time
While standing
I learned why so many sit,complacent
Through attempts to break me
I learned to deflect
As I carried great burdens
I learned the value of friends
And waking each morning
reminds me to teach it

Remember one of the many things on this earth
that is infinite and never to be measured is a womens worth
It is so great that it is unfathomable and is never to be forgotten.

Tomorrow anew
Tonight no less than a shadow
of today's downfall or accomplishment
Yesterday is gone
a tear soaked in my pillow
Theres always hope on the horizon
May you wake to the sun
peaking through your curtains
Smile

Hands pressed against grey glass
Tinted by cloud coverage and streaked with rain reflected her dismay
She remained restrained by her sorrow apart from the world
Reaching but unwilling to open and gain
She waned and lessened
Her mouth curved sullen and streaming with colorful frailty
A scream was merely a whisper beyond what her narrowed view could see
That glass that so easily could be smashed
Held her under guilt filled illusion that it would be an intrusion

The heat left a haze of illusion
As she walked the line between breakdown and motion
The ocean yielded it's breeze
She staggered through hell or so it seemed
Yet around her there was peace

Eyes cast down due to blinding light
That takes so much from her
Yet she's still game to fight
For she knows soon there will be night

Oh distant sun
I ode to thee
While sweating out my impurities
Where once I'd flee
I now welcome rays
Please carry me off to another place

She walked along the side walk slowly
watching the cars go by
All the while there was an unshakable feeling
that she was held in someone elses design

Since she was young like everyone
it was engrained how to think
how to act
how to dress
and with in such a vast and astonishing world
there were so many limitations

She stopped for a moment and took off her shoes
but could only feel cold pavement

Its just a smile or a one liner
The stranger who holds the door
It's waking up to a kiss or being sprayed by
a cool mist on a hot summer's day
It's watching the sunrise or the moon eclipse
The baby passing you in a stroller on your way
As insignificant as it may seem
these are the things
that make it worth starting my day

If I were brave I'd speak my mind
consequence failing to enter my sights
just let it all go and know that I am right
but my mouth is silenced with reason

At times I wonder if I have too much consideration

Why conscience?I suffer so

Never acting on emotion
knowing it would feel so good...

all my anger
all my fear
all my sadness

filed away in tiny cabinets

Is it strange that I hate my logic?

Wrenching lonely hearts plunge into the abyss
moaning over sleepless nights
With concrete weights attached to their wrists
and they cling to the tapestries of days spent
Coming up with endless theories of how or why
they were reduced to this
Beating their chest hoping the ache would forfeit
and the physical stain leaves the worst hunger pains
Graveling for a crumb of red velvet cake
Shaken to the core in the wake of a bed that's occupied no more
Twisting in the sheets
on the hooves of love's defeat
Playing beats to ease the tension
in desperate search of redemption but
within those late hours there's nothing but darkness
Wishing endlessly that they could depart from
the trials faced in rejection
Perspectives blackened and scorched
by a lover's torch

Looking through the lens
everything seemed so perfect
I snapped the shot
and captured the moment
So it would never be forgotten
Now it sits in an old dusty album
Under a stack of newspaper
and I havent looked at the **** thing in years

The sun set fire to the landscape
In rasps of velvet orange brilliance
and I got lost in the strokes of time and consideration
Picturing how many hours passed honing in on every detail
I saw waves of peace caught and sunken into canvas
My imaginative eyes and ears hooked to the shells
Though I tried there was no escaping
I was hopelessly lost at sea

I am unwitting when it comes to Love
The ways are just too stunning
for my disfigured hands to clutch
and I hate to see one bare my wounds
Their lies and their mistakes have become
your misfortunes
The past has consumed,erased,and displaced me into
an endless cycle in which it rules

Love in the keys is like a mosquito bite
Its an itch you just have to scratch
yet in the end there are no traces it ever exsisted
But if you dig at it deep enough
it leaves a scar
every now and then
You'll hear a faint and haunting buzz in the night
Its a pest!

Driving me to madness
All is set to burn
I find myself playing with matches
Waiting my turn
Although at times it gets relentless
The passion is irresistible
I could claim that I hate it
but cant help but love the thrill

I am not examining your flaws
Nor restraining you with obstruction of laws
But you seem to believe you've broken something
Becoming troubled and overcome

I hold no Gavel
Not even an ill thought
Time is forever changing
Our rights and our wrongs
You have not been sentenced
Nor are you judged

I only require patience
and a natural flow of occurrence
Stop fighting the current and let go
The sands may shift
but that's something we cant control

Don't let this hour pass unnoticed
Don't you dare fall asleep
Don't let your life slip through your fingers
Don't ever stop searching

The winter has found a way to freeze me over
But I wont falter and reach for your warmth
You are December
and I am the Earth
You  ****
As I struggle to maintain life
Your reign is ill
and Spring shall fight

My eyes glazed as we sat beneath the warm glow
of a street light
In the very spot we used to kiss each other goodnight
I listened to the water flowing beneath the bridge
and thought of the days when we were just kids
In that moment my heart caved in

I remembered my arms in the sleeves of your leather coat
When we were in it together is when I loved it the most
I could never be too close and wished on you from afar
Through my eyes you were the Northern Star

Those days had some kind of magic
An irresistible charm that still sways me on
As I waltz back into days that are now gone
but the tears have yet to stop
I fear what it could mean if my mask falls off

I need you here so you can see me
I want you close so you can feel me
I'd love the opportunity to reject you
To spring my fiery wrath upon you

Slaying every misconception
In a way that leaves you in deep reflection
As I giggle with the warmth of a child
After while crocodile

The search for meaning leaves me uneasy
History is fabricated,rewritten,unauthentic
In the eye of the sky and it's timeless nature
We are stardust exploding into a void
Destroyed and insignificant
Like tiny working ants purely genius and intricate
but far too small to appreciate
On this grand scale I inhale deeply
to capture a moment to hold it
and with one reflex the moment is lost
Vanishing into thin air
Invisible even in it's birth
So what is the meaning?
Why can I capture the world in my spectacles?
What if I draw down the blinds or cure cancer?
So what I might add to the former and latter
I am simply a jungle gym
A step on a latter for children to climb on
It goes on and on until death dawns
Inevitably killing the human song

I stared at the empty glass
Imagining the sea
The more impossibilities I conceived
The more my mind streamed
Full and overflowing with such silly dreams

Fading the lines
Aside from my daily life
Lost in some delusions that lack any conclusions
Yet keep me trapped questioning and pursuing

Seeping into my words as I try to refrain
and detain all of my madness from my viewers
But sheltered time has left my social censor in ruins

and just then the glass began to sweat...

The ashes of love linger on my forhead
of burned up discarded thoughts
like old letters in a fire pit
incinerating to dust
and I watch the fragile remains
drift off onto the block
with hungry little hearts
picking them up
I didnt smile at the hands
who dreamed of pretty doves
I smiled at the children running a muck
Someday they'll know how I have grown
Someday they will drownd their dreams in that little wishing well
and I will apologise and tell them of Santa Claus
How beliefs can be magical
but beliefs they just are
I remember howling with that pack of dogs
but now it's just me the pack ran off
When they ask me, whats the meaning then?
I'll brush them off
like the ashes on my forhead
like the running wild dogs
The truth is it varies for everyone
You have to find it within yourself

I tripped a wire and
set off the bombs
devasted my skull
blowing out my eardrums
I wish I could escape the
massive flame but it burns within
My temple caved
as I march to the sound of a
broken war drum
The warrior has disappeared
lost in the smoke and fog
...I've lost the battle today