Through the bars I could make out your face
and I began pacing where I'd once lay
Chasing you endlessly in my dreams
No longer able to fall asleep
Out in the yard
I'd trail behind
As we walked the dirt paths carved out in time
and although I was trapped
I didn't mind
As long as I had you in my sight
I imagined us digging our way to freedom
The rain kissing our flesh like it does in film
I could envision us rejoicing and retreating together
Where we could forget the trails we've faced and weathered
It was a summer day in the midst of winter
It was hope found in hopelessness
We could entangle and enrapture eachother
Our tale a constellation told amongst other star gazers
We'd inspire them all to revolt
they'd sing our song while mapping everything out
You've made me believe our time here could be worth something
and a believer I was not

Attention!


How funny and ironic
It is! (lighten up)
That we have tickle me
Elmos

We thought it was safe
but now I think the behavorial
message is a bit
Crude

Oooh that tickles!

Panic kept my heart and adrenaline pumping
I told myself to never look back but the temptation was overcoming
When the realization hit that I had come so far
and could no longer see the start
beads of sweat shaped my brow
A physical confession of complete and utter fear
A psycological obstacle that rang loudly in my ears

I gazed at the steps willing my eyes to see the end
Itching for hope or someway to transcend
But reguardless of the vigorous time spent climbing
Into the heavens the staircase kept winding

My mind begged to cave
Desperate for an escape
From limb to limb my muscles twitching,tired,and shaken
I couldnt help the tears from flowing incessantly
While I searched longingly for some kind of reason or deep meaning to drive me

I dropped religion along the way
I pushed through the treachery of tongues leading
I threw my backpack over the rail so my possessions
couldnt weigh on me
I fought the false antedotes
I stopped blaming others
I grew to great heights yet still I wound up seated and flustered

Uncertainty haunted me
Leaving my head in my hands
In a world of illusion the next step is always difficult to determine
I looked back up to my challenge
Questioning the means
and learned that with enough curiousity
anything can be achieved

What of love?
A longing tear
of a moment which passed
lacking understanding
and all the things left unsaid.....
leaving holes in my heart
The memory
left waiting for a hand that never reached
but pushed until my back was to the wall
accepting my stance which felt so small
and I turned to the world alone
rejecting any rejoice of that sweet little song
Apathy took hold of my soul
which I sold to the grind and to the smog
All that entered my vision were ferrel dogs
left howling for something they've never
truely know
blubbering at the realization unrequited love kills
left with a shrill of dizzy jaded mutters
of the man who cast his spell
and pulled me under
defining my days in past-tense
Faced every john with resistence
counted the bricks furious
because it was easier than feeling the exit
but I'll never forget the day he came
and changed all of it
...I refuse to feel foolish
because without love all light is extinguished
and without mistakes we are simply not human

Dreamers are forever chasing
Forever asleep
Lost in pursuit
yet more awake than the average joe
sipping black coffee off to work
I am forever sprinting
breathless
and alert
Awaiting the day I wake to find
My reality reflecting  my reverie

I love you even though we've never met
for sharing these moments with me
and relating to my lines

Even though we've never met
I feel so close sometimes
My fellow reader I cherish you
and I hope all your dreams come true

Because by reading and enjoying
my work
You are fufilling mine

There are always pieces missing
Something left unknown
To leave one reaming
draining the fruits left forlorn

Turning stone to find bugs as if the plane was rigged
Creepy crawling scarecrows up the stage inside my head
As I begin double taking every passing thought
An inception reflection hurling me to push on
Changing every pattern in the hopes for true starts

An opposition forms inside my bleeding heart
A rejection for the progression of doomsdays little songs
Trust that when you're not looking you're a part of catering business
and in our world today it truly is survival of the fittest

In breath taking moments clarity strikes me hard
In setting myself apart I feel less hallmark
I do not adapt to the world at large for I am small town garb
I'd rather adapt to space than aim to please like stars

He sat fogging up the glass by the window pane
Watching the aftermath of a great white storm
and as he sipped his hot cup of tea
He remembered his youth with his bride lucy

When they were fresh healthy and bright
They'd sit by the fire on a cold winters night
and cherish the time spent in laughter drinking wine
But oh my friend how time goes by

Lucy's hair had changed it was as white as the snow
and her laughter had change into untangible moans
and Lucy couldnt remember those old fiery nights
Lucy was always confused and full of fight

No matter what the doctors say
The man waits for that very special day
When Lucy turns red blushing with smiles and says
Oh my Love remember when...

The seasons interchange
Replacing the next
Bringing forth new chapters
as I reap the past

I find myself reaching a new rebirth
Every year I die
Every year I am reborn
I take moments to look over
What this year has brought

I've noticed I'm more grateful
to be with the ones I love
and my faith is rekindled
by the fires of my soul

Time gives clairity
We lose we gain
and we learn too quickly
Things never remain the same

But I've found it with in me
to form and to shape
The very mold which is life
I've mastered destiny

I hate the plays on my weaknesses
It's one thing to be manipulated and another to modify
Becoming mutated
Were we ever truly organic or have we been designed ?
Predestined to these predispositions since the dawn of time
No one wins these types of power plays
and I stray to isolation pondering for days
Can mind overcome these matters?
Because the experts don't seem to believe
we are capable of advancement
without these artificial enhancements
After all they have to practice
It's ****** hidden in plain sight
A quiet killer seizing and thieving life as we sleep
In broad daylight

Pretty reckless
discerned
unmasked
Anna's reflection
is the opposite of mine
duality noted

Shes fanged and raged
held within her cage
which just so happens
to be my flesh
and I cant bare her mess
Die Anna! Die!

What lives behind your eyes is a sea of mystery to me
I chose to take a dive
swimming through blackened history
I try to wash away the pain and distain
The hate that life deals unmercifully
but I admit regretfully your tides crash in so far from me
and I know you'll never heal nor listen to an outsider like me

I lay in a bed of sighs and give in
my pain balled up in my throat
taunting my eyes into tears
Apathy sets in as I watch the hours pass
Christmas specials screaming of cheer
as I look on faithless
unable to give or forgive myself
for the time wasted feeling this grim
As my soul growls and turns
begging for a smile that was meant
A deep hunger strengthens
When did I become this?
How did this happen?
What will it take to extract the thorn?
I watch the symptoms spread into the ones
I love
As I selfishly plunge into the abyss of forlorn

Gavel in hand
and eyes that cast shadows
on my face
Who are you?

The world is full of double standards
unforgiving
holding ever so tightly to
a false image of god
Hateful
Inhumane

Curse you robots accustomed to dogmatic belief
Your counterfiet
Half assed
Rehashed
Evolve already!
my mind trails....
down different paths
curse me
crucify me

I love to love
built to need another
to feel
to think for myself
to love being a women
and the power that comes with it
My conscience
clear

How's yours?
Guilted into life
Worshipping death
**** off the ones that disagree
metaphorically
and play your role "right"
In the big machine

I am more than rust or grease
a lever a pully a tool to please
and the day I die I'll rest with peace
knowing I operate differently

The shock of the unexpected can be
debilitating
sometimes it feels like we are just
strapped in for the ride
Its hard to accept the facts of life

At times we just arent ready to
catch that curve ball
but it barrels twords us none the less
you either play the game or die in the process

That shock places you beside yourself
forcing you to examine from a higher plane
how do you deal with the hands of cold fate?
feeling like your mind is at stake

The only solution at the end of the day
is to rise above the change
much easier said then done
especially when your coming apart

You can only hold onto your heart

Temptations have left me forsaken
but my will was only shaken
shortly leaving some mistaken
that I would falter to the poison of my generation
I seek salvation
In a place built upon degradation
I pick at the foundation
Wishing for a system malfunction
The gears have given me an allergen
The pushed solution cut with acetaminophen
To numb the blind into oblivion
A wise man seems much like an alien
Corruption rises as the population lays down
Praising kings without a crown
Pasting plastic smiles over the town
This massive break from reality has really paid off
The fruits we'll never see and rich we'll never be
No matter how much cash you receive
Consider your soul far out of reach

On my wings I carry a message
I am the wind through your hair
lifting hares from their holes
Look folks it's magic!
Now come waltz with me in
this newly found court
The judgement is yours
"To be or not to be"
I have so many questions
Now that we've reveiled
The night's endeavors
Why do we allow History to repeat?
We the people who are sacrificed and silenced
Who out there has the eyes to see and
is also infected with a "knew" type of fever?
Cabin fever folks
How can we be content with the way
our earned cash is spent?
I say it's time to find the means and
make it end
Can you see rock bottom yet?
Let us breed rapidly our ideas
I bring this to you a silent prayer

His eyes are woven like dreamcatchers
within them lay my deepest desires
hidden messages and captivating images
The rythem of his heart
is like the ****** of my favorite song
The kind of note that leaves an impact
on the soul

I am running through the woods
away from the paths and into the brush
white ribbon unravels in the breeze threw the
branches and the trees
my white dress trails behind my
fleeing legs
my chest beats wildly
the suns rays escaping the canopy
kissing the floor
a bed of leaves and little creepy crawling things
Slow motion scene
calling like a crow
For the lost love I once knew
reaching grounds my feet dont know
foriegn the feeling of searching for you
I hear a loud beeping piercing the forest
and I stop dead and look to the sky
My eyes open breathless and shaken
and I turn on my pillow to see you sleeping
so sound and sweetly beside me
I swore just then in the early dawn
while shutting my alarm before disturbing you
That I'd never loose you again

Swept off my feet by merely a broom
I sought romance
only to find a mess miscued
As I lay there in the dust of ruined dreams
I pondered all the little bunnies that went unseen

We spoke
like a light mist of rain
quenching the thirst of these grounds
and I reached out my hand
and dragged him away from the blood hounds
stripping away his ego
along with his clothes
which masked his vulnerability
I teach one to let go
he said I can't help this feeling
through his tears and mental exhaustion
with whispers of fear
the darkness had consumed him
and in a moment of clarity I spoke with honesty

he had decieved himself

everyone can help whatever feeling enraptures them
feeling down and out is a product of your own resolution
each thought we have can be chosen
and the world around you has no power over the mind
unless you allow it

Chasing you is like racing the speed of light
I am left in the darkness never able to keep up sprightly
Leaving me fighting for air while my lungs erupt painfully
Gasping for breath spewing the words enough is enough skeptically
Accepting the fact I can't capture your love
The pain pierces my back in the night with the realization
that things between us have come and gone
It all seems like vivid imagery of my own imaginary creation
Of everything I dreamed you to be hoping to fill the void left by my last devastation
I want to be held with a firm grip and devotion
I need a connection with a depth deeper than the ocean
A romance so hopeless it leaves others disgusted or in admiration
Was it all a dream built upon no foundation
or did you find yourself lost too in moments of infatuation?

At times we must lose it all to gain
The pain only fuels our pace
As we race reaching and breaching
the lines we must cross to roam freely
It's a slight that allows such brevity
Embracing necessity  
Death is the only inevitable destiny
Hold onto nothing
and you'll obtain everything
A moment is fleeting
Embrace the reality
If you lived each moment as if it were your last
Only then could you possibly grasp
The beauty of a breath

Lately everything has been speaking to me
it started with the vines along my fence intertwining
I thought of all the paths it took to grow
up to the power line
and all the pieces reaching nothing
and left hanging
dieing
a reflection of the decisions and paths we take
some sending us higher
some leading us astray
never finding our way

The ocean spoke to me next
waving at me so inviting
telling me theres so much more to a surface
another world unexplored worth trying
dangerous and enticing
yet gentle and leaving me weightless
like a new infatuation or the love I'm currently riding

Then I saw the bee
working constantly
carrying the flowers seed
designed to fufill the flowers need
and make sweet honey
perfect for my tea
I realized everything has a purpose
including you and me

Then I saw an old man
at the end of his days
He was a brilliant writer
and would be remembered beyond
his grave
I realized that we are never finished
legends live on and never diminish

Finally I saw the stars
burning bright
millions of them held in the sky
and past them is an infinite space
and I am part of such a small
miraculous place and the world
is my oyster and I am one
of many pearls from the many walks of life
of all these beautiful boys and girls
and the feeling that engulfed me was eternity

I knew it wouldn't be easy but they never told me it'd be this hard
I trace layers upon layers of scars
Remembering each lesson carved into beautiful trademarks
I seek not revenge but rather to transcend
and at my wits end I find time to make peace with the screams
While watching the stream ever-changing shaping the banks of
caving earth
Dispersing tiny dismantled pieces into a deep ravine
A place unseen but the depths taunting
Muffled whispers and glimmers stir and discern all visibility
The waters reflected the chaos that plagued my reckoning
As I sat tossing stones watching the ripples fade and form
My small attempts to redirect the current seemed insurmountable
The rush and persistence of endless resistance surpassed my will
Swallowing my feet in mud and dismay
Beside the stream I'd forever stay

Bright city lights flickering
casting shadows along cold cement streets
dreaming of the ocean's breeze
sirens sound in the dead night
taunting visions escape it all.

I look to the traffic
humming by and then
to the moon which consumed me
in stolen thoughts behind loving eyes
together two will reach blue seas.

An epiphany shared equally
waves of anticipation wash over our feet
and we began to flee
free minds bounding awake
open our eyes on shores smile wide.

Moved in unspeakable ways as
the sun displays a peak of a waking dawn
crawling over us
paradise in a sunbeam
is like a star of hope in the night sky.

We followed that hope
as distant as it may have seemed
we found each other
as we knew one another
in the city two together.

In the moon light
Our faces glow and show another side
Bringing out a different kind of primal desire
For what's done in the shadows of the night
Is not always exploited when the sun shines bright
If we avoid the all seeing eyes of our street's design

I am dancing naked under the moon
Out of touch but in tune
Howling to consume
Every last shred of modesty
In all honesty
I've been yearning to unleash the beast
Death rolling inside of me

Hair raised while eyes dilate
You cant sedate this lusting
Confounded by the sight of her majesty
I melt and cave
To the awkward drum beat
Calling me

Immobilized I gaze at the ceiling
Remembering the moments that led to this evening
I choke on the words I dare not say
Forced to deal with the pain that plagues me each day

Piercing each nerve
Giving way to exasperation
Resentment hangs heavy
and I feel suffocated  
Another day alone plotting my reparation
These fantasies could end my senses and reason

I wish I could inflict the same anguish upon him
Wounding his pride leaving him with nothing
If only he could feel helplessness and shame
To a degree in which he would never be the same
Only then could my hate begin to wane

She was dancing on the edge with a giggle
Teasing and taunting him
with the danger of all he loved to be lost
Careless
Reckless was her exsistence
and he looked on wearily
but kept his distant
Pleading
"Please let her fall I've grown so tired of this"

I weave through the crowd
realizing how tiny I am
faces blurring together
my smile jaded
watching people unwind
and ditch their clothes

One of many Key West festivals

I can feel his eyes hateing everyone
looking at me
his hand firmly wrapped around mine
hes not used to this kind of thing
and like a pit bull he looks out for me

We watched as outsiders
and it felt so good to be with someone
I  love
I cant help but see duval as a sea of lost souls
A place where paradise took too many drugs

It's so heavy this fascination
forming an obsession to pick your mind apart
and take the feeling into me
make you a piece of my puzzle
so full of charm and mystery
if I could only reach out and touch
what I see

I wish I was referring to a movie
but in all reality an operation
we all see the dangers of automatic weaponry
It's in a painful Christmas story

Did anyone hear about our mission
to send illegal weapons down to mexico?
no?We placed tiny battery operated gps systems
inside every single gun
and down they went into the hands of drug lords
Right under their governments nose

However we forgot to tell them to change
their batteries
and we reclaimed these guns through fatalities
and explicit crime scenes

Obviously this mission was a failure
but in the end it was plain to see
who the true gunrunners are

So now I move on to our right to bare arms
and for those who want to get rid of them entirely
come and ponder this with me

Does anyone ever shoot up a navy base or
a texas bar full of cowboys strapping?
No they go for the places that lack
any kind of defenses
The problem in my eyes is this
NOT the Right to bare arms
but not enough guns in the right hands

Fear deepens and plays
on insecurities
like the shrill of a violin
it leaves your heart on edge
taking and blackening bits of the soul
contentment such a far fetched goal

The night gave off an uneasiness
There was a static storm looming
I closed my eyelids in eagerness
Hoping for sleep to consume the feeling

I saw him walking beside me
A memory endlessly creeping in
Once again his step falls behind me
Filling me with pain and panic

I turn almost instinctually
Grasping a blade tightly in hand
Striking him with unnerving velocity
A reoccurring dream of killing him

As the fire dies
Revealing the last shred of it's light
I focused on the last burning ember
Struggling to survive in the midst of December
In awe of it's last heated fight
To keep warmth and bring life to the night
I watched as it came close to diminishment
Then quickly fed and nourished it
With the arms of trees that will only see life in spring
As for me
Life waits on nothing

Time seems to change everything
People,places,things
but you haven't changed a bit
and for some strange reason
I'm in love with that fact
It's good to know that time can't
diminsh a great sense of humor

I've been wandering aimlessly
in search of serenity
The scenes are evanescent
Time forever fleeting
Recycling the seasons
As I grow...
Uncertain whether its love or fear
that fuels my pace
As I race with the downward wind
sure to hit the pavement and curse it
On my way I pass fading faces
At a glance or by the bump of cold shoulders
My unsettled heart can flee to great places
but the scenery can not correct the loneliness
which plagues it
A lovers touch can fill this void
but its nothing more than a temporary placebo
An illusion of a cure that reminds me of no more
Than how impermanent everything is

I look into your eyes
soulfully
my mind at times falters
to insecurity
I just knew that if someone
eles could see what I see
They'd try like hell
to steal heaven from me

I woke to a ghost whispering in my ear
Telling tales of the days
Reminding me of lips I'll never kiss again
As the rain splattered against a grey window pane
I rose with a startle trying to rub the thought from my eyes
As if someone else had placed it there out of spite
Through out the morning toxic tears swell
Burning my cheeks for I have failed
I wonder how long I'll sing this song
I'm still lost at sea and far from shore

Once she was called storm
her wrath was pure fury
yet cleansing and vital
her nature can be unforgiving
but she would always settle
At times her calm was just
an illusion
The eye of a systematic
cyclone

Once they called her raven
feeding on dead sheep
coercing with wolves
adorned in mystery
hidden behind her long black hair
whispering messages from the gods

Once they called her firefly
her interal beauty shinned in the darkness
although by day she looked rather average
by night her light was pure inspiration
and many tried to catch her as she passed

Many names
many places
many loves
many decievers

but even at her worst they rendered
her beautiful

she's "Too crazy to live,too rare to die."

And all aspects still live
in my heart and mind
a spirit that never dissipates
with time but morphs
into a new name or kind.

I rest my head on your chest
Feeling blessed
Mellow and at peace
Your arms reminding me
There was never a need to worry
Your heart beat lulling
A sound of pure beauty
If I could have stayed for the rest of my days
I surely would have
Enraptured in that moment so far from the world
and the burdens of should have

I have no palate
for the colors of the rainbow
beautiful yes
meaningless to me

The color I love most
is grey
the uncertainty within it
the lack of say

Its where wrong and right mix
in a stormy display
no need to argue
the subject is grey

Pupils like pins altered in transmission
A lump in the mind jumpstarts to life
It's only a matter of time before the malfunctions occur
For some tests and trials the result is cancer
Ask Moscow after fifteen years
Grasp your cellphone without an ounce of fear
Deny the facts right in front your face
or be a minority of one
Completely insane

Never will he perish
For he'll remain with me
Tarnishing my soul in the wake of his memory
Tangled up in my memories
Constantly blaming me
Incisively

Trenchant is his face within my mind
So hard to disguise or hide my plight
Wishing it was but never will be past-tense
His presence lingers
Pulling at my resistance
So persistent

The knots wrap tightly to my wrist
Bound to the same grounds
The thoughts place this as they manifest
Repetitious history
Evoking inevitability

I wish the tears could cleanse and mend
The taste of blood is too metallic for my pallet
As I descend bitterness fades leaving disgrace
I am not to blame but I bare the shame
However I cant regret knowing his name

I cant dismiss this aching uncertainty
It's wrenching my mind deceiving my senses
At best I half knowingly make it threw each day
My next step uncertain whether stair is present
Leaving my leg often stunted
My heart has floated out to sea and at times
I feel it emerge from such great depth
Back to haunt and drown me
I try to **** it and keep it without me
The cause of so much sleeplessness
Choosing not to feel the pain nor strain
Only to have it return with such vengeance
Leaving me breathless
I sat and watched the time for change grow massive

Silence
A reminder of years long since passed
gazing at the stars blazing history
counting the years
and the scar tissue

Fragile reminders of misuse
karmic justice and accidents
the uneventful days
always bring me back to this

Strength found in moments of exactitude
that only time can reveil
for the present carries on so quickly
the lesson concealed until its history

To revisit the spell of dizzy memory
is like floating on a cloud above the scene
in which you can watch it play
knowingly

The ability to change it
so far from reach
you must wait for the repeat
in the hope that now you'll
possess the eyes to see

I watch him as he's treated like a germ
behind his eyes there are whimpers
A secret held
for no one should know
because once its revealed
they treat him like a *******
My heart cries out and yearns
to console
to show him acceptance
as he struggles to do so
Death's cold breath raising hairs on his neck
At seventeen he faces this foe
Lost in a world that holds too many
Homophobes
Curse all of them
Curse his darkest taunting hours
Curse the creators of this Reaper
and when they walk in the fires
crying out
I hope the devil relishes every moment

You can find me behind a tinted window
This stained glass protects my weakness
Unrecognizable
I could be anyone
You'll never know me now
and I enjoy the strange in strangers
As my heart drifts so far from my form
I unleash my mind and dabble in art forms
There was a time when I'd hope to share it with you
but we can't hold on to things that aren't true

So insensitively you drain and ***** me
taking blood samples and injecting the chills
enstilling no trust right before you ******
foreign objects into my gut
I didnt ask for you nor did you ask for me
and with a situation that should be full of understanding
we just cant seem to meet eye to eye
you are the arrogant judgemental kind
and me I'm just a piece of paper
full of ineligible lines
I hate doctors or most I should say
I come in always in the worst of situations
For them its everyday
and the longer they're with it
the less humane they seem
I dream of a world full of humility
while I crumble
traumatised in hospital sheets

My breath short speechless and wrenching
as your hand brushes across my stomach
delicate and concentrated
Painting a picture
a step closer and your face is beside mine
I rest my face on your neck
eyes closed in acceptance
the way your hips move
slow and seductive
lure me into leaning in for the motion
your gaze dilated and glazed
full of lust and excitment
my chest beats so close to yours
as beads of sweat form upon it
The heat in these moments is
hotter than hell and
I cant seem to get enough of it
You pin my hands to the wall
and I kiss you in surrender and submission
The way things are going I'll fight the dawn
and delight in this night forever