Through rays you touched me
Burning my skin
Changing my color to crimson
Where once I worshipped
I now live in shadows
impulsively muttering your words

To see is to defeat

Though few make it out alive...
and I can feel all these splinters sinking into my mind
As I try to resist the temptation and habit
slipped to me by some pesky rabbit
What of my mind?
Was it ever my own?

Our reception for suggestion has killed reason leaving us most vulnerable to deception
As the media promotes mass hysteria creating a platform for deliria
I sit in silent disbelief wondering about Nigeria
A bomb is more valuable than a life and no one cares unless it's their
own strife
I fear this war machine may never run out of fight

I have tried to give birth to a new and improved version of my vision
Exulting blips of exactitude and ambition
Flashes of pretension on a screen of pending dreams
Lacking mobility and projection
Inertia writhes

I'm mainly advertising trying to sell and intrigue
To those who have enough eloquence to persuade my predilection and schemes
Endorsing me providing lifelines and pure consciousness
Lacking the force of extorted themes and exulting worthiness
Cleansing my mind of the mocking bird's trash heap
Help me dissemble the falsified declarations and professions of fiends

I want to be pristine
I beg thee to teach and galvanize me
Endowing me with inexorable sight
Keeping me keen and full of bold might
I am willing to fight

Bring me to the surface of these turbulent seas
No need to mention my frailties and anxieties
All I ask is a breath from the surface of true realities

The urgency constrains my needs for rejuvenation and appreciations
For all those little beautiful things that once meant the world to me
Like pink carnations

Sleeplessness morphs into spells of insomnious hauntings
Stunting my contractions
It's completely and utterly exhausting
A labor deprived of true initiative and wanting
It may sound silly but everything is contradictory

It is these pains that leave me incomplete, ineffectual, and in paralyzing omission
Excluded and feeling great depths of oppression
Despairing and kept in solitary confinement
  
Suffering more than I'd like to profess
Distressing the matters that cave into my chest
An infiltration of insurmountable anguish
Abolished
Untouched by a shoulder or hand of accommodation
Is it selfish to push for this magnitude of isolation?

I crave cultivation
I want to grow into the Giant Sequoia
But the fires of self doubt leave my branches in ruins
Smoke signals sending sirens
A constant affliction
It's all my own doing

Contingency pleading for nourishment
Somehow knowing thee and ye could constitute for something of legends
Tell that to our reflections
Or maybe it's the fear of fire that terminates our pregnancy
Causing us to introvert instead of projecting
Withholding both you and I from mastery

Spare me the moves
of a sligh tongue twisting
and contorting vague riddles
excuses of promises left undone
wit misused as the shadow's gun
a sad recollection when the problem was solved
a web of lies a tomb of wrong
how eloquently crafted
the lies dealt and spawned
I see you now
a fake a fraud
but no good sir I will not run
after all the fun has only begun...
and the winner takes all.

If love truly conquers it all
Then I will Fall for everything
Stop playing with mysteries
Gaining faith in the unseen
If we could be saved by a feeling
Then why would I choose otherwise

I cling to our sheets
grasping your pillow firmly
catching faint traces of your scent
My body bent and curled into its smallest form
and I think of all the circumstances that left your promise torn
The unpredictable has robbed me once more
of all the contentment I  had held in your loving arms
and through the tears I find a way to grin ever so slightly
Holding onto the faith that carried us through our struggles previously
Your face for now remains so far from my reach
I close my eyes in desperation hoping you'll come to me in my sleep

I am open to falling from grace
My insides misplaced as I accelerate
Free falling further and faster
antisapating the bottom with tremendous fear

The enlightenment sure to leave me breathless
Knocking the wind right out of me
But I welcome the shock
With awe

I never had trouble admitting when I'm wrong
Because I am only human we are destined to fall
while resisting this notion you seem arrogant and small
A matter of the sun and the moon

We can't always bask in light
We must delve into our darkness
and find our heart through challenges
A change in perspective is always progress

In an instant it dissipated
Dissolving into regulated patterns and cycles
of heart wrenching battles that always brings about the rain

My distain falls short for I am also at blame
In his name
His name...
I see something untamed
It is a beast of burden that ignites me into flames

Motivating and tempestuous
A storm to be famed
It knocked me for a loop
Guiding me on my path and waking me from my stoop

Hawk eyes with a diamond mind
He is a predator disguised
The lines become faded
I must be jaded
Is it love or hatred?

I feel galvanized and shook
Lost in his book
Each chapter leaves me breathless
Hanging on a word
That's blurred by my tears and fears

The kind of events and plots
that will remain with me for years

In everyone's life
There comes a time
When we watch all the pieces shatter
The shards find their way into many feet
and the blood seems to signal a defeat

The scars remain but eventually the pain fades
The stains however are a constant reminder
Of the challenges faced
and the strife that has been conquered

The beauty is found
When the pieces are thrown out
and the mess that once troubled us
Is renounced and without

Through perseverance and unconditional love
There is no telling what we are capable of

The shock of the unexpected can be
debilitating
sometimes it feels like we are just
strapped in for the ride
Its hard to accept the facts of life

At times we just arent ready to
catch that curve ball
but it barrels twords us none the less
you either play the game or die in the process

That shock places you beside yourself
forcing you to examine from a higher plane
how do you deal with the hands of cold fate?
feeling like your mind is at stake

The only solution at the end of the day
is to rise above the change
much easier said then done
especially when your coming apart

You can only hold onto your heart

The sun sets
Leaving whispers of the days events
The night brings freedom and enchantment
It is your time to dream and relinquish encumbrance
No longer hindered by obligations
May you rest
In a guilt free slumber and peaceful meditations
Meet the dawn in your boldest form
and take a moment to appreciate plus adore
The gift of another sunrise
Because everyone eventually dies

I hate the way your eyes cast down upon me
Belittling my stance and placing me underneath
I hate the way you assume and are consumed by your own ego
The way you try to shelter me and tell me where not to go
I absolutely hate the way you try to project a certain image onto me
Your expectations repulse me to the point of sickening rage
and leads me examining society wondering how the hell it got this way

The door is open
you're free to decide
to keep this love floating
or leave and sink it with time
I wonder
Will you think of me?
Dream of me perhaps?
Will you wave a pretty lady
with the thought of my hand?
Or will it be so easy that my face fades all together
and when someone mentions my name you relate it to
some other flower?
I wonder

She crept through the bedroom
and tip toed down the hall
carrying a secret
no one knew at all

When she saw result
hands trembling
she began to sulk
wasnt ready

Feeling hijacked
and at an end
her morals collasped
beliefs shaken

In a twilight she woke
having to face the day
Knowing deep down
nothing would ever be the same

I fell into your arms
After tripping over stone cold fact
You held me for a moment until the shock wore off a bit
Giggling warmly at my clumsiness
and I couldn't help but share the laugh
Just then I realized how long it had been
Since someone reminded me to do that

Clinging to the edge of sanity
I allow my anger to cradle me
Robbing me of the sun shine
but keeping the pain from
engulfing my mind
you have pushed me way too far

And you are my blood ...
At times I curse my veins
and I strain to maintain
Balance
but your nonsense out weighs
my patients

So badly I wish to leave you
but I am trapped in your web
Woven in scars
God ****** I do have heart!
Even when I dream of writing you off...

I tied my tongue
and the knot salivated with anticipation
My lips twitched
as I fell mute and desperate for expression
An ache grew with every passing thought of you
Wanting to reach so badly forced to cut off my arms
I couldn't trust my needy hands
Though I try I can not silence my mind nor stop it from
entertaining words and plays in which you star
If only I hadn't learned your name

Its the line we all dread to hear
and once the card is on the table
everyone screams *******
but in some cases
it holds true
I was always the one to step in my
own way
preying upon my mind
illuding myself at every turn
I regret this matter it leaves me cold
shivering at what people may have felt
left wondering in an after thought
But I can assure you it was never you
it was my twisted mind and bent will

Nothing but a shred of hope
That is surely something

When I push you away
it means I want you
When I laugh in your face
I'm feeling for you
When I scream loud
I'm feeling small inside
When I'm missing you
I pretend I'm made of unbreakable pride
The truth is you have me so vulnerable
To an extent I'd never want you to know
and while I curse and pretend to hate
I'm really hopelessly in love masking my place

Love can feel like a plague sometimes
infectious and sickening
I've never felt this type of fear
Will you be coming back to me?
My mind is spinning but my world has
stopped
It's so exhausting and crippling
and your a thousand miles away
yet sitting right next to me
Don't go I beg of you
I am reduced to this....

I wish my light could dimish your darkness
and heal all the wrongs done upon you
I wish my love could prevail
over every nightmare
and leave you resting in peace
but most of all I wish my love was enough

In a moment of complete and utter despair
The only thing able to cut through the thick air
Was a small dose of laughter
A giggle shared  
As inappropriate as it may have seemed
It was undoubtedly a necessity

I was born in a hole
in a cracked foundation
beneath the surface of the earth
with tiny over grown windows
in which the light of the sun
would come only in small doses
at the time of the waking dawn
through the blades of grass and tiny weeds
that covered its pane and hid the sky from me
as a child I'd chase that tiny stream
of light
that managed to escape somehow to grace me
I would sit in those tiny rays
and taste the world
Finding happiness in something so small
Now I can step out into the sun
but seldom do
my inner child crying as I sleep
steadily through
That moment in which the light had finally found me

The sea was black and the sky ran red
The blues rang out in different hues
Of emptiness and revenge
If only his eyes could conquer this
However I know not of my other half
Nor how another's iris could decipher my soul's fire
A girl grows bitter
In seeking him
A woman changes her tones
Defeating her own demons

To believe that everything we encounter
is formulated and manifested
from our own subconscious
Is to believe that we have complete control
of our own destinys

Never being a victim of another
rather attracting them with our own
need to percieve a message
As if looking through the eyes of your true being

We are all projections
of ourselves and only this
and the more we reject this notion
the longer the suffering will persist

Life is a journey full of questions
uncertainty is found in each persons heart
wavering in what can be trusted and
what can not

But this secret this law has no alternative
goal other than catering directed to spirit
it ask not for your money nor your soul
it only reflects an ultimate goal

To answer the questions that are not easily found
such as Who am I?
and What do I want?
The soul is infinite and the universe unbiased

Not everything we find will be favorable
but take it in stride and trust that you needed
whatever is bestowed upon you and your sight
Each day a reflection of spirit

I live in my own fantasy


Where insincere compliments are accepted
and sincere compliments are rejected
In my own little world I can always escape
the true realities of myself there by
mirroring myself
always in opposition of that which is I

During a vow of silence
I heard for the first time
While standing
I learned why so many sit,complacent
Through attempts to break me
I learned to deflect
As I carried great burdens
I learned the value of friends
And waking each morning
reminds me to teach it

The snow came down silently
flickering underneath streetlights
and although the night seemed quite serene
my feet dragged across the ice
I shivered uneasily uncaused by winters spite
but rather the notion of saying goodbye
A grief I cant disguise
I saw your figure approaching me
as my heart let out a sigh
little did I know that vision would
haunt many long and lonely nights
I looked into your swollen eyes
and tried my best to make it right
But we both knew all to well
that if that pain was withheld
It would explode and poison our minds
That last kiss was greatly missed
my lips ached for weeks sometimes
and as I watched you walk away
my heart was locked in dismay
unsure of how to survive
to this day my mind goes back to that
place much like a sad tune becomes entangled in your mind
The night when the earth seemed to stop all together
The very worst night of my life

What does it take to wake and break your shallow ends
into great depths
Must I will the earth to quake or can you simply take suggestions
My reflection of your perception and lack of action leaves me guessing
As sweet nothings lose their charm and fade into a life lesson

I noticed my wing was broken
when I started spiraling out
in a frenzy I tried to mantain balance
but my imperfection weighed me down
and as I watched the ground approaching
The exceleration picking up
I wondered whatever made me think
I could fly with the rest of the them

I looked into the sea
and saw a thousand faces reflecting back at me
The cries of many men echoed bouncing off the surface
Sound waves were rippling carried away
Like a whisper in the wind
But gained momentous strength when caught by the current
Pulling and shifting the sands of time
My heart possessed by my mind's third eye
The force of this nature was so sublime
As if passed to me straight from the divine

Don't let this hour pass unnoticed
Don't you dare fall asleep
Don't let your life slip through your fingers
Don't ever stop searching

Like a girl
I clung to your sleeve  
Holding your hand as we crossed the street
and you spoon fed me during breakfast
( I have to confess how much I ******* hated that)
As I'd listen to your latest business accomplishments
In complete and utter indifference
But when it came to my turn to speak
You disregarded it serving me another bite to eat
Interrupting me
My words can't escape a mouthful of spoiled, slighted, belittled, moves
The truth of what you thought of me was defined
Clear as day and as black as night
It was once benign but now I'm infuriated and livid inside
I spat my chewed bits back on the table where we'd dine
And left without speaking a word
Do you think he paid it any mind?
If you do you are absurd
He didn't even hear me walk out the front door
I had prince charming waiting outside
I bid thee Farewell
And I'll pray for you

We had our time
Hot summer nights
Dreaming under the stars
Kissing scars and getting completely lost
in eachother arms
We bloomed like vibrant flowers
and wept tears of joy
May showers
Talked about our love for endless hours
It was us we entangled in unity
But too soon we experienced the fall
Inevitably we reached a flaw
and those petals withered in the chill
We died out and lost the thrill
This winter has lasted far too long
You're far gone yet I'm still here musing along
Waiting for spring

Pretty reckless
discerned
unmasked
Anna's reflection
is the opposite of mine
duality noted

Shes fanged and raged
held within her cage
which just so happens
to be my flesh
and I cant bare her mess
Die Anna! Die!

I've been wandering aimlessly
in search of serenity
The scenes are evanescent
Time forever fleeting
Recycling the seasons
As I grow...
Uncertain whether its love or fear
that fuels my pace
As I race with the downward wind
sure to hit the pavement and curse it
On my way I pass fading faces
At a glance or by the bump of cold shoulders
My unsettled heart can flee to great places
but the scenery can not correct the loneliness
which plagues it
A lovers touch can fill this void
but its nothing more than a temporary placebo
An illusion of a cure that reminds me of no more
Than how impermanent everything is

This reality is just a dream
in which one can change and reshape
the way they percieve
anytime they should choose

I've come to realize this

The error of my ways
I cant say sorry anymore
I can only hope you wait
for me
while I work on this

You bring this out of me
the thoughts that could change
everything
unfortunately we share the growing
pains

My dream is to find happiness
first on my own
and then with you
I cant rely on you for this

I should've never looked to you
in the first place for self fufillment
a childish outlook and expectance
I will not ask for forgiveness

Just stick around
and we'll get through this
I regret pushing you away...
I mustn't make the same mistakes

As I walked
I focused on the pain
exploding through out my body
my legs begging to cave
but there was no stopping my pace

I thought of everything
the decisions I've made
and how I couldn't stop the motion
The events now unfolding before me

It's like watching a tidal wave
knowing you can't stop the destruction
nor save the ones about to be hit
all you can do is brace

Waiting for the power of fate
to unleash the course that nature
will now inevitably take
flooding the streets you've paved

Fallen she screamed at the disgrace she faced
and at all those terrible things she couldn't change
Remembering sharp if onlys and could've beens
Presently watching time slip through her fingers
The price of one more lesson learned
One more burn
One more unspeakable discern
To derail or sink the remains of a ride stocked full of
lofty declarations and false pride
As she wrenched toward the sky questioning why
All feeling died
and from the ashes something sinister was born

What lives behind your eyes is a sea of mystery to me
I chose to take a dive
swimming through blackened history
I try to wash away the pain and distain
The hate that life deals unmercifully
but I admit regretfully your tides crash in so far from me
and I know you'll never heal nor listen to an outsider like me

Even our struggles invoked harmony and understanding
The pain we've suffered and shared sang out epiphanies
Bringing out legacies
Moments that reminded me incessantly
To live as though there were no tomorrow
To seize each day and make it my own
To stand for what truly matters and sit no more
To never be told and learn to be bold
If anyone wonders how I am living now
I'm living as though everything I love is buried in the ground
Digging my way out of this unspeakable distress
Turning the pages to write something epic

Wells overflow
due to black stars
Wishes falling flat
Leaving traces of tire marks
Fate treads upon a corpse
and I wonder how long I have
to play dead
Before this mauling stops
Fight or Flight
I'll surely depart
what a shame
to fancy the otherside
of the moon

When the roof caves in
Threatening to give
He hovers above her worries

Her head cradled in his lap
He gently strokes the hair from her face

Helping her fight the tears
     Easing her fears

Whispering so softly
Words so sweet
Only meant for her ears

I wish I could paint it
I wish I could create it
I wish someone's eyes would meet mine
As I watch my roof cave in

Now when I close my eyes
I see them high in the sky soaring like angels
from above
I see them in every sunrise and sunset
those beautiful doves

Although I can not reach them
I am no longer sad
because those beautiful white wings
Are free from all the pain of this world
Something I've never had

Building steadily momentously Epic
Lighting my stem electric transmission
Mind
Body
Spirit
atoned
Vibrating to a distant realm
My eyes like fire as sensation rises
I am that I am
A soul freed from night

Love in the keys is like a mosquito bite
Its an itch you just have to scratch
yet in the end there are no traces it ever exsisted
But if you dig at it deep enough
it leaves a scar
every now and then
You'll hear a faint and haunting buzz in the night
Its a pest!

When that little voice tells me to give in
I have given up
Succumbing to the weakness of my thoughts
With these odds
How could the ends ever meet
But still I find my eyes opening with a sunrise to greet
A new dawn
A new day
Another chance to compete
No matter how many times I face defeat

Bright city lights flickering
casting shadows along cold cement streets
dreaming of the ocean's breeze
sirens sound in the dead night
taunting visions escape it all.

I look to the traffic
humming by and then
to the moon which consumed me
in stolen thoughts behind loving eyes
together two will reach blue seas.

An epiphany shared equally
waves of anticipation wash over our feet
and we began to flee
free minds bounding awake
open our eyes on shores smile wide.

Moved in unspeakable ways as
the sun displays a peak of a waking dawn
crawling over us
paradise in a sunbeam
is like a star of hope in the night sky.

We followed that hope
as distant as it may have seemed
we found each other
as we knew one another
in the city two together.

Eyes surveying the scape
desperately
barely breathing
I huddle down
motionless

something's rustling in the distance

can they sense me?
my heart bursting from my chest
a time of hyper vigilance

A snap tingles my drums from behind
I flee
flinging earth from under my might
taking in air swiftly
exhaling with no relief

but the beast lunges forward powerfully
caving my knees
I fall to defeat
as teeth sink into my arteries
I feel the blood rushing from me

Embracing death
and natures design
never knowing it would be so benign