I do not speak much

well, okay I do, but I also don't
I can tell you about the weather
engage you with a story

but this

is me trying to say something real
this is me screaming inside my years of silence
realising I need the world to know I'm here
if I want it to change for me
if I want it to change me

this is me screaming
inside my silence
trying to break it
I just need real words

we use poems to mask our silence
and then also speak about the poems
hé Daniël, I got
another thousand views on hellopoetry
like it would matter
like we would write less, if no one would ever read us

I would, anyway
and if no one would read me anymore
I might get honest
I might start to be vulnerable
I might open up

maybe one of these days
I'll find the curage
to tell you
about your name
and what it means
to me

I carry my heart around
like a balloon
filled with rocks
and somehow... the rubber ain't breaking

and my heavy heart may slow me down
but it doesn't stop me
because i'm going to where they sell helium
and then i'm going to fly

take another breath
it's poison
and you know it
but every day
you let it win
cause long-term doesn't matter
if right now it's happiness
let it in

I **** at living
imaginary weights pull me down
hold me prisoner
it's s hard to leave my own bed

I **** at leaving
it's like i'm standing at the station
watching trains go by
not knowing how to get in

I stuck at staying
my mind wanders of
creates enough distance to be
alone

I want a moment
a few minutes of your time
I'm not asking - I'm demanding
you'll have to listen to my gun
perhaps I'm crazy
psychotic - insane
but I'm sincere
you have to listen
I need to tell you you're in danger
you'll be protected by my gun

I created the sea
a thousand years of crying
of staring at the skies

Now I'm swimming
trying to learn
a way out of my pain

Do not open your eyes
convince yourself it's night
just stay in bed
don't think too much
keep the world at distance
you can't be blamed for being asleep

my biggest fan is off
gone somewhere
other people are cooler now

i see no longer
his turning blades
but this new silence makes me concentrate

i lost someone
but it's okay
a fan just moves air anyway