The fixated smile.
My mind turning vile.
Bottling everything in just to keep this smile.
Anxiety attacking each breath.
Wishing my body was at rest.
"Stop!"
Can't you see, that I no longer have the energy?
No longer to keep up with this fixation.
Frustrating, the worst frustration.
Aching bones, peeling at my flesh.
The happiest thoughts in your head are death.
A way out of the situation.
The final destination.
Bottled tears you've been holding onto for years.
On top, my decision doesn't make him stop.
Coming home again dealing with the man.
Blood rushing through my head.
I'm better off dead... better off anywhere but instead I deal with the pain.
Consuming me.
Am I sane?

Spilling myself out.
All you do is scream and shout.
Listen, please.
My last breath.
The unforgiving.
How can you leave your daughter alone.
You left her with the same man who tortured you.. left her in his home.
Calls of distress, yet, your boyfriend is whom you rather impress.
You are supposed to love and protect.
Neglect.
Fourteen years old.
No place to call home.
Cannabis a girl's bestfriend.
Avoiding "home" when He was alone and drinking.
Avoiding everything.
The last breath.

Seven years old, a small child and burying my friends.
I realized life will eventually end.
Ladybugs and butterflies.
Finding friends that passed away.
Nature.
We all die, someday.
Flowers blooming such a beautiful sight.
I never understood the concept of life.
Picking flowers, placing them in a vase.
Petals falling, shriveled dry.
Death surrounding, feast your eyes.
Such a beautiful thing.
Misinterpreted into fear.
Death is beautiful.
Embrace what is near.

The way you look at me and tell me it's okay.
The way you kiss me, upon my cheek, gracefully.
The way your heart beat corresponds with mine.
Falling asleep, losing track of time.
The way you look at me, moving my  hair out of my face.
It's the little things you do that take me to another place.
Kissing and biting along my neck and breast.
When we kiss and you are short on breath.
The slight gasps, when you flinch.
Wanting to kiss you, all over, every inch.
Laying next to you.
Looking you in your eyes.
You make me forget about any other guy.
The way you giggle when I kiss your neck and chest.
Giving me security.
Letting me feel at rest.
The way my insecurities melt when I am with you.
Wishing I knew more, so much I want to do.
The way you wrap yourself around me,
holding me,
ever so tightly.
Making me feel like everything is  right.
How you have me so emotional.
Opening my scars.
I'm not used to bleeding through.
Slowly losing myself in you.
The way you make me feel is so hard to explain.
The little things you do, that drive me insane.
I hope one day I'll be able to tell you how I feel.
Until then,
let's just live,
let's just feel.

I thought everything would be alright.
Maybe If I had passed away that night.
Look at me mom.
Don't you care?
Am I the only one who sees the blood everywhere?
I can't get up.
I'm drained.
I'm weak.
And to think you barely gaze upon me makes me think.
Was I just an annoyance?
Was I just another sin?
The water is still running and my throat is shut.
I can't speak mom.
Can't you see my blood?

You look into my eyes.
I feel as though you gaze upon my soul.
Hair aside.
Touching lips.
The slightest touch, what lies ahead is untold.
Slow breath.
Hand and hand. Placed upon chest.
Heart beating.
Everything at rest.
Sudden seconds, feeling like eternity.
Flesh to flesh.
Heavy breath.
Arms caress.
Endless.
From bite marks placed on the  cheek to the attempt of tickling of the feet.
Untold.
Tiny giggles, trying to hold back.
In balance, everything I lack.