Sadness is dwelling in my mind
Anger is swelling in my heart
The thought of suicide sounds like a fantasy
Almost close enough to touch
But yet too dangerous to hold
As my heart melts into nothingness
and my desire to communicate diminishes
My walls of safety have been stripped from my soul
As my happiness begins to swiftly deteriorate
With every ******* blow of rejection bruises me more
screaming I punch the brick wall till my knuckles bleed
angry at myself
how could I be so **** stupid
My innocence and yearn for safety completely obliterates those thoughts of logical thinking
I am becoming this monster with open wounds that he keeps lashing at with his steel whip
As I whimper crawling towards him
But he keeps hitting harder
My body shaking, trembling
The wound deepens and gushes out blood at an intense rate
but I still am crawling as fast as I can to his arms
in hopes that he will hold me when I reach him
hoping he is satisfied that I took each intense beating and still crawled to him
hoping to be wrapped in his warm arms against his stone cold heart
Praying as hard as I possibly can that he does not drop me as he has done numerous times before. If he drops me that recurring painful crawl to him will begin once again.
Tears soaking my body and his black t shirt.
And when I look up his face, it is hard and emotionless, I push myself as close as I can into my creator. The one that turned me into something so vulnerable. Something so monstrous. But at this point there is no turning back he has every part of my mind controlled. With the snap of his fingers he can have me down on the floor begging for his attention.
My grip around his torso tightens as I feel his muscles twitch. As I look up to his eyes they begin to show the soul of the devil. As his head tilts down to mine and kisses my lips hard. With every part of my body coming alive for those brief moments, screaming with short lived happiness. He releases and looks into my eyes. For a moment, I see hope but then his eyes turn to hate, and he shoves me back to the floor, bruising not only my body but my soul, but the pain only makes me need him more. He runs towards me and at this point I think he is going to help me and hold me. No more crawling to him with open, ****** wounds. But just as he gets to me, he throws the steel whip into the darkness, and starts to batter my body with his fists. Breaking my bones and cracking my skull, blood gushing from places all over my body, but the pain is pushed away by my need for him.... but now he is leaving me ****** and broken and when he Is finished... I just crave him more.