here I am,
breaking every promise
I've made to myself.

Why am I thinking of you,
in these moments.
Knowing, there is no chance.
smitten.
Infatuated.
dying for your attention.

Maybe if I dress up.
Curl my Hair.
Make up my face.
wear a dress to hug all of my curves.

Maybe if you look at me
and only see
the ****** thoughts
That have consumed me
for so long.

maybe,
you'll push me into
that wall
and slam your body into mine

Maybe the heat between our bodies
will be unbearable
and you'll finally
succumb to me.

or maybe,
I will show up in sweats,
with my hair thrown up,
and I'll cry on your bed
while you cook me some
Comfort foods.

and everything will
be like it always is.
While you think
I am still crying over him,
and not you.

Monsters, hiding in reality.
I see the face of jealousy.

Two dollar ******,
your words, not mine.
but that's fine.

Cowering, hiding, whatever the word.
Men to save the day.

Bacon feeding,
"that was hot"
drinks on a later date.

Little things in life,
showing where I need to be.

Four in the morning.
Marlboro packs.
walk me home, please?

Building memories,
with new friends.
falling in love with life.

monsters.
not always a bad thing.
Not all bad, anyways.

I am falling madly in love,
with your hand,
holding mine.

Isn't it how every girl dreams of being looked out?
the way your eyes soften,
as the word 'beautiful' escapes your lips.
isn't it love, when I know the sound
of your heart beat,
as it races with my own?
the way your hand is never too warm too hold,
but always warms my entire soul when you touch me.

anxiety consuming,
sleep deprivation sinking in
more coffee than I care to admit.

attractive men
passing
without a passing glance

still flustered from security
bobby pins alarming.
terrorism, undoubtedly.

still people watching.
hoping some man
might look my way.

remember I look 12,
not 21.
maybe I am just ugly.

doesn't help that I am
holding onto Oliver,
my stuffed turtle,

as if he is
the life
hiding in my soul.

coffee, coming back to me.
every emotion intensified.
bladder swollen, nervous.

only 9 hours,
to home.
if ever there was.

10¢ on the dollar
but it is not about money.