i despise the time
—for it ends quicker
when we're together,
but runs at its slowest,
when between us,
there's a mess.

you made it worth it
—the time i thought was wasted
i smiled, laughed with you
while i hoped i was your favorite too

you were intrigued,
i was overly interested,
perceived your compliments
as sweet endearments,
you showed me attention
i considered them as affection,
while you were just being nice,
reminded me how it was

every night, i was full of delusions,
and hopeless conclusions
and if i could wish,
don’t walk away, that is
i should be the one to leave
for i came to you first

it’s scary how i’m scared
of losing someone i’ve never met
if there’s one thing i do not regret,
it was when you found me,
when i was down and empty.

i am no fool
but whenever i see your name,
i feel no shame,
i can forget about the rules

you've moved on, for sure
i haven't though,
—do you know it's a torture?
you have a home to go back to,
i'm just here and i still want you

we never denied it,
all the comfort
—and the happiness we felt,
never left a trace,
we needed it hidden, always

i know how it's a mistake,
that's why i took a break
but one beep from my phone,
made me feel eager once again

i will never look for true love
i am someone who will never find one
why?
i am a sadist,
not to someone else
but to myself,
who prefers hurting herself

i thought i made a masterpiece,
but i just ended up hurting my fist,
asking myself his worth,
of the spaces on these pages,
of the ink from my pens,
of the words,
coming from my head