carcomeindo mi corazon
llagrimas de llama
del fuego que incendias por adentro

algunos dias eres la abeja que da la nutricion a una flor
que es mi alma
algunos dias eres la mano que empuja el viento fuerte
que son mis emociones
algunos dias eres la luna que controlla la marea del oceano
que soy toda yo

un dia terminaras desmonarando mi corazon
pero te dejo el priveligo
mi lindo amor

she was the most draining thing i have ever known
arms made of paved streets, no potholes, no stories,
identical freckles aligned across her face
similar to zero-lot-line houses

clothed in green,brown,grey, no city billboard neon,
her breath was humid, her body radiated warmth,
her eyes resembled those photographs of the sea
her skin tan, rough, dry, grainy like beach sand

she would never leave, a tight grasp around your neck is what she felt like, her constant security of what will happen next, where we will go soon, like a body guard who told you that you could only go to two or three places. those who had the strange desire to be with her were lured by her blue eyes, the tan skin, and her constant "i'll be there for you"

she whispered ideas of smashing the window and running away,
or drowning in the bathtub
my first dictionary vocabulary oozing out of her glossy gossiping lips,
words of a braggart, spewing, spitting, sputtering on how beautiful, advanced, polished and intelligent she was,
when in reality all she was, was ***, drugs, blood, cuts, aluminum cans of alcohol, and suicide.

everyone was so into into everyone,
but the apathy towards each other outside the screen said otherwise

so i guess everyone was so into seeing everyone fall?
yes, that's it.
everyone wanted to see that the rest of the population had faults,
sometimes worse than their own, so they can be convinced that there is someone out there as bad as themselves

some simply yearned to get a taste of what those peoples lives were,
what secrets they held,
what things they've done

and here i too was pleading guilty,
but pride, or strength, or maybe morals
were weighing me down.
i did not need, but i so wanted.
the temptation of the dog-eat-dog world seeped into every one of our veins.

the fact that the whole world has so many individuals,
and each individual has their own story,
their own secrets
their own quirks

the number of grains of sand in the world
the number or stars in only the piece of sky above my rooftop

the fact there is so many things unknown,
yet so many things known

the number of unknown species available

how many gallons of water would it take to fill the ocean if it was drained?

my soul is a city
it looks like glistening sky lights, picturesque advertisements, and phosphorescent open signs
its sky contains twinkling constellations of stars hidden behind pollution and street lights
it has it's 5 o clock rush hours, 1 am parties, and 3 am sleepy time
it is divided into areas of charm, abandonment, and shabbiness
it holds crime, but there also innovation, prosperity, and thriving ideas
it is abided by eccentricity and idiosyncrasies
it is accepting of a variety of colors, beliefs, and characters
it holds unknown places, discovered by those who were willing to explore
it is visited by millions, but only some dwell, some leave an impact, some fall in love
and it is open for people to call it home

I could not take it any longer,
all i wanted was sleep, but that would be unhealthy
to sleep with all these thoughts, worries, anger, and sadness bottled up inside,
i don't know what to do anymore.
they always told me to stand up for myself,
to say something if i dislike whats going on,
to do what makes me happy.

its more like
stand up for God and religion and honesty
say something if its against christian morals or is ******
and of course, do what makes you all happy.

it makes me wonder how often you realize your contradictions,
your irrationality,
your irony,
and the fact that you don't even make sense at all.

so now,
do i chose what pleases you?
i'm stuck in a chasm,
and there is a ladder made out of mazes on the way out
my patience for mazes is not enough
i do not wish to stay

there are countless moments
when i know i could've done it
where i know i could've taken it
where i know there would've been an end
there are countless things i cannot say
things that would bring me to a basement
things that would bring me to the church
things that would make me seem crazy
things that they would never believe
things they'd be embarrassed about
things they'd be disappointed in

lately its felt really bad
everything is coming back
things i used to feel are reappearing
worse
worse
worse
worse
worse
its drowning and exploding all in one
i'm bursting with everything bottled up
a shaken bottle with carbonation boiling inside
spewing out every time

words aren't enough anymore
there is no escape