...what you thought was a frisbee turns out to be a boomerang.

And the flies tickle my skin
As the last glimmer of hope
Drops from a stationary eyelid

She is dead.
She is dead?
She is dead!

No one to save her
Not now
When it matters
She is dead...

Take them with you,
The parts of her
That you loved

If you're an
Apparition
Then why
Is your ****
So hard?

You remember
So many things
I wonder
If you remember

How

I

Taste

How I wish
And wish
You cared enough
To say hello

But I realize
You are a free agent
Unto the will
You choose

And you choose
And choose
To not say
Hello

And you realize
I am a mess
Plagued by
Your absence

So that
Should tell
Me
Something

Years ago, now
Clean as a whistle
Sober as a Mormon
You poured into me

My head spun
My hands shook
My heart raced
My whole world melted

I stopped you
Because I was afraid
Of overdosing
And dying beneath you

The way you guide
The frenzied wanderings
Of my heart

Will surely make me
The next great
American poet

Is this it, then?

A salad with tiny bacon bits?

I wanted the bacon cheeseburger!

Words and words and words
And not a single one
Fits

Ineffable

But neither does that one
Because it's a word
And you're a vision
And I'm pathetic

Ineffable

As if you meant it
But you run and hide
When the lights come on
You were never there

Ineffable

I'll shut up for now
I don't think
You'll mind

All these words
Trail behind me
Spilling from my fingers
Gently pressed to a screen
What do they even mean?

All this time
With nothing to show
Laughing at Forever
Hardly noticing at all
How far I'm going to fall

All them nights
Lightning in the sky
Flattering a stranger
Poorly masking all my craze
I've got scary **** for days!

All that love
For different boys
Add them to the kite tail
Lightly floating in the breeze
Until the lighting finds the key

You were the song
On repeat
But I didn't mind

All along
Your goodbye
Was a sad crescendo

My dissonance
Rang clear in the night
To interrupt your aria

Maybe it won't
be so bad
if he hates me

But you thanked me,

And

The night
Wil end
As all
Nights do

I'll always be
In love
With you
<3

She smiles sweetly
Her nametag reads
SOLITUDE
And she follows you
Through crowds
Whispering in your ear
Quietly
Yet drowning it all out
"I am with you"
She smells so sweet
As she gently places fingers
Around your shoulders
And you stiffen
"Relaaaax"
You relaaaax
Where did everyone go?
Her fingers tighten, tighten,
Massaging away the crowd
"I am with you"
She turns your shoulders
You walk towards a blackness
Blindingly bright blackness
That burns the eyes
"Here"
She is hissing
Fingers around your shoulders
Digging in and biting down
Fingernails slowly sinking
In and down and in and down
"I am everything"
The blackness deepens
The blackness thickens
The blackness burns
"You are nothing"
Something presses to your back
A ****
A hard, sharp, thin ****
Pressing to your spine
Harder, harder
Growing against and into you
Slowly piercing, ever growing
You cry out
"I will ******* to DEATH!"
Her **** gores your spine
Searing and scrambling
Your guts and lungs
"YOU ARE NOTHING"
The bloodied, pointed head
Emerges from a burning hole
Up through your chest
Pointed to the blacked-out sun
This is the end
The end
THE END

27, coming right up
But I'm feeling Amy
Feeling like 27
Might be the end

Nowhere feels like home
When your heart won't settle
Won't beat
Won't swell or even thaw
So
I
Guess
I'm
Homeless

For days past
For touch
For your fingers
And lips
And all the things
Out of my reach
For steak
And potatoes
And strong drink
For God's sake
For tomorrow
For us to exist together
And cease
The games
For life
For death
For salt
And sugar
And blood
And sweat
And tears

For you <3

Roll
Stretch
Yawn
****
Ugh
Bloodshot
Eyes
In
The
Mirror
Empty
Can­s
In
The
Sink
Glitter
And
Dandruff
Cover
My
Pillow

I want to be happy while I'm sober

I want to be rested when I wake

I want to be strong enough to fight

I want so many things

But I'll have to settle for

Wasted
Weary
Weak

At least for now

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Writing these stupid things keeps me alive,
And, ya know what? Kinda,
So do you
<3

My roommate's dog is howling out back
Someone stole my garage door opener
So now I'm gonna get robbed
AGAIN
**** this city
**** sobriety
**** life
**** all of it
Because I'm alone
Always
Always
Always
Alone
I deactivated all of my accounts
And slipped quietly away from it all
And crawled into my first day of
Hell
The world
And everything in it
Can kiss my ***
Because I'm in a decided state
Of HATRED
And it hasn't even been
24 hours

****.

I've stood in this
Field for hours
But all of the flowers
Have an even
Number of petals.

During my endless
Crashing
Maddening dances
With pain
And exuberance
Will be
A light show
That lasts
Half the day

Who knows
If
I'll be able to
Work
Tomorrow

All I know is

The world constantly disappoints me
And liquor
Only
Seldom
Does

Everything swirling around me in ribbons of colored light, making rainbows in the air

I'm dizzy

I'm really actually pretty stupid when I think about it, but they tell me I'm so smart

Don't trust anyone

We can't trust the thoughts or feelings we hold because they are made of air and wishes

It feels good

To give myself to the feeling of longing and perceived need and lust

But
I
Get
Hurt
A
Lot

If you
Are the reward
For misbehavior,

I will scorch the earth.

Despite his incessant
******* and moaning,

he wanted to.

But...hear me out...what if I actually do die alone?

I know
I'm
Being
A *******
Child
,
But
Knowing this
Doesn't
*******
Help
Me
!

I'm just a weak person!

There are rooms full people
Talking small with large, gaping mouths
I want to stab them, one by one
Until they notice and scream
I suppose it will take hours
For the fear of death in their bodies
To outweigh the fear
Of life in their minds
I want them to scream in panic
Scream for survival so that they might live
And tomorrow, when they meet again
I want them to speak of the frivolity of war
Of the importance of animalistic copulation
Of the stench of the blood and **** on the floor
I want them to refrain from cleaning the floor
So that they remember the hecatomb
And speak of the martyrs
Who reminded them of their ability to speak
Of more than just the ******* weather

For all of your objections
I have a fierce excuse
A desperate justification
A bribe
And a curse

**** him.

**** his voice.

**** his touch.

**** his hair.

**** his scent.

**** his name.

**** his gaze.

**** his stare.

**** his arrogance.

**** his sweetness.

**** his charm.

**** his pheromones.

**** his bare chest.

**** his loyalty.

**** his lack-there-of.

**** his secrecy.

**** his mystery.

**** his heresy.

**** his history.

**** his Fox.

**** his Fix.

**** his memories.

**** him.

**** him.

(But GOD, how I wish I could)

**** him.

As much as I try
To pretend that I'm fine,
I know that I'm
Not.

I wrote you a letter
That I might just
Burn

When
Will
I
Learn?

I could be
Anywhere,
But I wannabe
With you

What say you?

And the scars tell their stories-
The punk who ashed his blunt
On my back, or
The guy who bit my right *****
So hard it made a hole

So many pounds gained and
Lost and gained
And lost
And nights spent drinking instead
Of sleeping
Smoking and turning my
Insides to Hell

Exacerbated by the bad
Lovers
Are the aches and pains of
My body

Red eyes, dry and
Out of tears
Dark shadows of a
Disease
That he gave me
The best of
The bad lovers

And finally-
A somewhat-desensitized
****
From the worst lover of all

Me.

Be.

Nope.

I can't
Find the
Words

They won't leave their
Amorphous shapes
As I try to
Catch 'em

I love you
You know this
It's stupid
You're stupid

Buuuuut

It's hopeless
We're drowning
The boys are out
Now, run away

Stay

Leave, I guess
Grieve, I guess
I don't care
You don't care

We care

We care too much
And we drown
And we fail
But hey-

You know all of this

how i wish someone would burst in and save me from my total lack of motivation to operate in this sphere