I've been trying to imagine what you'll feel like
Once you've hiked to the peak of my
Demureness.
Tell me how many times you've envisioned that expedition
-Dreams and Reality
Fantasies and Actuality-
Lets make the transition.
I want you to feel what I feel like.
I want you to feel me.

when i was
thirteen
i remember whenever i went over
to a friend's house
who had a sort of get-together
with a whole ton of other kids
about once a month
i'd sit on the rug in their basement
with twenty other teenagers
looking at
socks.

there are ten kids
in my family
and two ****** parents
and we had a whole bathtub full of socks
and if you could find two that actually fit
you were golden
never mind matching
or nice and white...
and sitting
looking at all the other kids' socks
i felt like ****
they had the nicest
whitest
socks you ever saw
and mine were grey
worn
dilapidated
specimens
that i'd dug out from the very
bottom.
and somehow i decided
that this was a failure
on my mother's part
that she didn't keep our floors
clean enough
or she didn't wash my socks
right
and so i spent my thirteenth year
feeling like ****
over
socks

and today
i was folding some socks
(do you fold socks? i dunno how it works. whatever)
and i was looking at them
colorful
silly
but
grungy still
and the white ones
still grey
and i thought
well
i don't have a mother anymore
and my socks still aren't
white and
nice
i guess that's one less ****** thing
in my life
i don't have to blame her for
anymore
another nice thing
is that i don't give a ****
about socks

Up in the attic
Under the bed
Inside the closet
In the boxes in our head

All the things that we were doing
To try to hide ourselves away

Old yellow pictures
Yesterday's news
Seeking catharsis
In a twelve-bar blues

All the things that we were doing
To try to hide ourselves away
To hide ourselves away

Mummy will be angry
And Daddy will be drunk
"Be careful where you're going boy
Or you'll end up like your Uncle
As the black sheep of the family"
But Daddy - the black sheep ran away

Over the hill to freedom
He lived to fight another day

All the things that live to haunt us
All the needles in our heart
The shadows on the bedroom wall
The things that make us start
Out of our nightmares
Cold and frightened
In the dark

Go to church on Sunday
Say prayers for the dead
Confess your sins to Jesus
(Though he knows them all already)

Oh for Jesus is your saviour
He will wash your sins away
Jesus is your saviour
He thinks about you every day



But prayers remain unanswered
And Daddy still gets drunk
And I remember Mummy
Stealing candles from the church

All the lies our parents told us
To try to keep us in our place
To try to save their face?

And I think of all the baggage
That we carry through our lives
I think of all the times
I've had to run away and hide

Sometimes I find myself believing
I'll be running all my life
So angel hold me tightly
And say that it will be all right...

The chiropractor
Manipulates my weak spine
Like you do to me