I found this love
like playing tetris

Anxiety at the falling of pieces
too fast

There are still holes in there

And I stand like a brick wall now
full of peep-holes
and glory holes
all places to let the cold in

And maybe I held you like a blanket

And maybe we played each other like Jenga
pulling out bricks
to restack somewhere else

A smaller structure
But stronger than we are

you're a
soft one, but dense/
(packed full of thoughts)
and i mean that
in the best way possible.
i can see us floating away
in my favorite direction

"Keep quiet
why do you always have to yell?"
If I kept it down,
I fear you wouldn't hear me
well enough
"Just slow it down.
You're talking at a mile a minute."
If I talk fast it's only because
I fear I don't have enough time
to say what I need to say
"Do you have to swear so much?
it sounds ugly. It doesn't sound smart."
If I swear
It's only because I fear your loss of attention
"Why do you always sound so sad?
Just smile.
Lighten up."
If I sound sad
depressed
upset
it is only because
I fear for you

"I think I'm done drinking and smoking."
He says to the near empty room
the lights all off and the blinds down.
suicide is easy if you have enough time on your hands
being the devil's plaything isn't all that bad
The left side of his index finger
the right side of his thumb
stained yellow by oral fixation he never quite shook
More of a skeleton than a person
with hands that don't stop shaking
until the liquid sterilizes his soul
"Yeah man,"
...
...
"I think I'm done with all that ****."
he says between **** rips
"Hey,
if you're going to the kitchen,
could you grab me a beer?"

You spend lone enough waiting tables
or washing cars
or standing behind a register
and you feel a part of you
that played thumb wars and jump rope
die just a little
yeah I know the plight of the proletariat is cliched
but that doesn't mean it's not there
you feel the disdain grow
and even more so
you get hungry
and no ham 'n cheese can fix that
hunger nor nutrition
but for any small sign that all of the toiling
might just pay off.
Well if I go another day without eating that meal
I might just crack
drive my car into oncoming traffic
take as many suckers with me
then they might remember my name

And I realized
with burning cheeks
with my head
above water again,
lungs full of air.
My life vest for
when the sea is
over whelming.
When the shore
is to far to swim.
I realized
when you grabbed
my faded blue
porcelain skin
and the flash
of my life
you drew me in,
between
life and death,
I realized,
that I need you,
So much more than
you need me.
I'm okay with that
as long as you
never outgrow me.