Its not that I'm intent on killing myself
Its just everything I love is bad for my health
Like the potions you can buy from the shelf
Party to death with precision and stealth

"baby,let's have ***"*
To reply,what comes next?
I want to talk deep about me and you and trust,
About marriage children,hopes and dreams and us.
To taste your skin would be bliss,
But to be entirely open?I want this.
Just me and you with no boundaries,
And because of this I'm glad you found me.

Why does having a child make one fear for all life on earth?
Are our offspring plugs to the "great what is"
A shift in perspective
Allowing us to care for all life.
The dark side of this glorious awakening is...
...we had to have something too precious to lose to see it.

I traded cuts in flesh for the needle & ink
It still hurts it still marks my skin
I now have marks that make me think
Rather than memories of self destructive sin

No longer do I get looks of disgust
But remarks on the pretty images
No more acts of distrust
No more strangers and stitches

I do miss the danger
the claret and pain
I feel like a stranger
Without a blade in a vien

A single phalange bringing her to greater moments in a lesser time than she as a solo could achieve.
Ego swells,"I'm doing it",as I work out the the correct rhythms to the perfect woman.
I define this as intimate success.

Slip me betwixt your lips
As easily as your hips
Cyanide a couple drips
Haemoglobin a couple rips

Blood thins
Pace races
Death pins
To your faces

Easy exit,nothing more
For those who get it,here's the door

Logic & reason
Can be a shield & sword
But without emotional balance
You shall reap no reward.

Rule yourself wisely
Through action & word
Elseways you shall scream silently
For lack of voice never heard.

I'm struggling really hard,
With all the thoughts in my head.
From the untruths about me,
To wishing I was dead.
Id like to think its fine,
With no affect by what's been said.
But I know no good will come,
From the lies that you've been fed.

So I stayed awake,
And think thoughts of you.
Who would be dishonest?,
And come between us two.
I'm fading faster than the sun at dusk,
Will I rise again brand new.
The ins and outs of what is,
I hope we can pull through.

I was graced with life
But always longed for death
I strove a strained for strife
Waiting with baited breath

I had the world in the palm of my hand
All I could ever want
But it slips through like grains of sand
Because my darkness loves to flaunt

I give my all with honest intent
Knowing its never easy
The pain is always inward meant
And I'll **** myself if need be

For all that I have done
And all I'll ever do
Know that I'm the self destructive man
And I never meant to hurt you

When it comes to feeling though
I'd rather be left the **** alone
Memories I have,I can't atone
Knowing love,I should have shown
And the chance,I had blown
Since then,I should have grown
Being honest,I should have known
It's ******* lonely,on the **** king throne

Not to long to go now
Til I can be with her again
No words to explain how
When we spend our time,zen

Its like a form of meditation
To have you in my arms
Your presence though it does excite
My mind it also calms

All my troubles float away
Look into each others soul
But for now I shall wait
The need for you takes its toll

I woke up today with full blown anxiety
I don't like the feeling that some things frightened me

It could have been that dream that was incredibly deep
It may be because I've had speradic/minimal sleep

All I know is today will be drawn out and hard
So I'm getting drunk as the wild card

Stitch by stitch I built a sacdsack replica of you
So that little creepy has someone to hold on to
And baby I can't stand to lose you its true
Because each day together I feel brand new

Washing machine whirrrrr
And its obscene that I'm obscured
I did what I did
As I do what I do
I hid what I hid
Now what am I gunna do?
It taste like it felt,so good
When they find out,trout pout,I wish they would
Say something more than nothing
Amount to something
Maybe a few more words
Like birds
Flying
Lying dying
Any more than eating alone
At home
They come
And take it away
My way
My day
Without asking if I'm grey

Meddow
Light breeze
Blue sky
White trees
No one knows
What no one sees
Never showing
Anxieties

First word
Fist kiss
One shot
Don't miss
Intertwined
Become bliss
Described as
Happiness

A moment
A held hand
From there
Wedding band
Soon time
Grains of sand
Then old
Last stand

You
Are etched on the tablet of my heart
The muse of each line of art
And there is no thing more painful than to be apart
I have loved you from the start

One look at you
And I fell
Clean into
The seventh circle of hell

I am but a creep in shadows living
Plagued by sorrows caused yet still forgiven
I'd like to stop yet I keep breathing
A life desired that's worth living

My insides hurt from troubles past
I'd like to think that the time elapsed
To move forward and its the last
Yet knowing self pain will be back

I could run and hide
Across rivers far and wide
But no matter how I tried
There'll still be feelings left inside

If looks could ****
I'd be full of stab wounds
Face burried in the concrete
But my heart would still beat

A leer is no more than daggers
Flung from the mind of the broken
For all the things it haggers
Much less than words that're spoken

Ten years between me and my brother
We got the same mother
We agree with one another

That high focus bring that real raw ****
Whether you high,or stuck in a pit
This is it

From ****,and keys to the scissortounge
Outside their peripheral nothing is done

When you think you have the one
Or a situation to stun
Drop heavy beats on you like a ton

If I could fly on borrowed wings
I'd fly to whom my heart sings
I would list one thousand perfect things
And cover her with gold and crystal rings.

Sadly,like philosophy,poetry cannot pay a bill
But it can give a her a wide on during Netflix & chill

Got drunk
Drank bleech
Passed out
Death breached

Woke up
Stomach pain
Still alive
Its insane

Small cuts
Pass time
Shop opens
Drink wine

Body is
A ******* tank
I should
Have a...long hard think

Smoke lungs black
Cough up red
Buried in green
Once I'm dead

Pretty perfect
Can't stand to hurt it
Urge,to blurt it
But I won't say ****

Cut out the pain
With a deep contusion
Its driving me insane
Destroy me,the final conclusion

Each slice made
With phenomenal precision
Dermal lays wade
Depth the decision

I don't mind if I pass
I want you to know
I chose a good knife not glass
Ready
          Set
               Go

Casting out the line of indifference
As I fish for a meaning
Something of significance
To all others,daydreaming

Finding words to convey
Hear me if you may
I'd love you to stay
Given its A sad cliche
But if I had my way
I'd display & say
"You are perfect every day"
Lest you stray
& stay away
Forsake us for foul play
All we had left in decay
As falling petals from dead bouquet

He slams his ****
In a proverbial door
What did he do it for?
He's not so sure
He sits and thinks
And drinks
And sinks
The pain
Reaching so deep inside
Because he lied
He promised himself
He wouldn't slam that door
On his ****
What did he do that for?
He's not so sure
Clutching at that
Blood soaked swell
Even ice doesn't help
His hell
All others see and can tell
He shut his own **** in the door

Having a competent conversation with nobody is a lot less fun than slurring to the cat.
If you wonder why I'm saying this,its because its basically what point I'm at.

A single tear,
Rolls down the contour of his cheek.
Not knowing its origin ,
Other than that it had slipped from the duct.
Was this sadness?was it the beginning or an end?
He didn't know,nor did he want to dwell on it.
Attempting to fix the mind firmly on nothingness,
Assimilating thought processes to the black hole that stole his joy,his heart,his everything.
Focusing on the breeze rustling leaves,
Imagining the sound of a shaken soul.
Stolen by the thoughts he wished to escape,
Truely he was his own worst tormentor.
This was to be another day abscent of being free,
Trapped in a vessel that only serves to bring itself pain.

All the kittens
Soft and warm and catlike
Tiny wrestling,between siblings
Is too ******* adorable

Paint a picture so dark that it resembles the night sky without stars.so deep if you fell it would be forever.it ***** the oxygen from your lungs and breaks your bones with pressure.scared with nowhere to hide it feeds on you,you make no sound but only because there is no point.you cannot fight with a picture but it can fight with you,terrify you,break you.anyone else can see its just a picture but they aren't consumed by it,they haven't tasted its venom or felt its bite.the wanting to cut out your own heart or bash your own skull in with a hammer just to make it stop but yeah,they're right its just a picture.
Picturing depression is so much simpler than living with it.

Hello brain,I see you're having trouble,how can I help?
I see,you'd like me to drink enough white cider to dull off that intolerable pain in the chest.
Will that help you work through all these thoughts?
Oh,it will still you also.
Well in that case I'd be happy to feel numb for a while.
No,no,don't thank me,its my pleasure.

I am not a blanket,I am not there to comfort you.
I am the raging storm,I will weather you,I will try to break you and if you can survive being in my presence then you are a warrior.
you will be deserving of the warm sun that follows the rage of my heart and the ruthless passion of my mind.
I am a ******* hurricane.

Thoughts got me stone cold
Am I old?
Am I bold?
My soul,have I sold?

Is it supposed to be this hard?
Have I average yard?
Was I deserving to get pard?
Why is my emotional state easily scared?

So what's the ******* issues?
Aside from poetry I misuse?
Because I can't use a box of tissues?
I'd rather drink and hear the king blues

I'd rather be a well dressed *****
Not quite right and kinda thick
Work hard and get the stick
For not ******* blood like a tick

But do I want a tie for a noose?
A wife that's scumbag loose
With a face just like a moose
And the temper of a ****** off goose

Well maybe I'm better of here
Sit and drink more beer
At least my own life I can steer
And early mornings absent of fear

That's obviously apart from nightmares
I have real issues with those scares
I'm not talking being mauled by wild bears
I mean being nailed into funeral wares

Lowered into the ground
No exit can be found
Why cant I make a sound?
Oh that's right,previously I drowned

Fukit I'm just worm food
A self taught learned dude
More than enough years I've brewed
Its pretty clear from here I'm *******

I don't really know what to do anymore
I'm not sure I was right when I walked out her door
I just couldn't take that look she wore
So I walked,head slumped,stared at the floor

Got on my bus and rubbed print off my ticket
If there was a moment to feel it I would not have picked it
Heart broke in the midst of this ****
All talking did was make her want to quit

There's only so long I could give my all
And I'll tell you now it took all of my Gaul
Spending so much time staring at a wall
So now I'll wait instead for her to call

I gave her everything she asked of me
Would she do the same? Let's wait and see
I want this to work,perfect as can be
But I think she may quit,delete,and then flee

I am the picture of Zen
I know where I'm going
I know what I'll not do again

I am the picture of grace
Despite the erratic
I'll bare my face

I am the picture of calm
Though I'm hurt
I sound no alarm

I am the picture of apathy
Because I'll smile
While not happy

I am the picture of free
Because you won't see it
When you lose me

Like waiting for sunshine
In the pouring rain
Time,I've done mine
But thoughts still on my brain

There may not be
A sunny side of the street
But I am free
And got a kickin' beat

What god sits on your throne?
Will they save you when you're broken and alone?
Will they forgive you for things you can't atone?
Because my God produces endless love shown

His heart so big he adopted me as a child
And loves me despite being unruly and wild
He loves that I'm unique and self styled
He forgave my sin when I defiled

He believes in me even when I can't
He let's me talk to him even when its just a rant
He straightens me when my life is on a slant
He strengthens my faith when it is scant

He revealed himself to me and made me a man
Ask yourself is that something your god can?
Do you worship or are you just a fan?
When you need someone where have you ran?