I hope this poem dies
I hope this poem is a lie
I hope this never comes true
I hope this poem dies

Am I under
the breath of death?
At it, at it again

Leave me a sweet taste in my mouth
Turning sour, bitter afterwards
Make me feel sure and at home
Then the big hitting - or none at all
Comes!
And that's how it comes - unseen, undone
And next thing - he's gone

I had higher, higher expectations for you
I broke what we had...
We need a resolution - what shall we find?
The runaway, you try to settle down...

Are we another story to be told
To strangers and not us?
Something that passed, nothing more than the shadow of a scar
A mark more in the gun.

Both of us hurt in our own very ways
A rose in a vase, a girl in denial about herself
A tulip away from the rain
A spinster in the make
A drunk ****** in the nights
Laid on the floor hands below clothes
Waking at 3 o'clock coming alive withering slow
In a way, or not

The world is well shut to us
But we got men from the other side
Pelle, The Lance and Björn
singing our dreams that we don't have

Each of us collected to herself
Terrible sins terrible times we can't say
Guarded into our chests

This is what we were
When the world didn't speak our names
Or we rather didn't speak his
And it wasn't like we cared - we'll never be them
But crippled we were
I could have had it better
But I was stunted instead

And now I am still metal legged
but we dance, we dance

She's stuck on a man
I could be her
that's why I sing
all of her torture and her pain

She fell in love with him
in an inner spring
He's a habit hard learnt
she just can't leave
Comfort in the shape of a kiss
A kind of deep hit
She's so used to him
So many beds she's known
but none of them overcomes
what she's felt in his arms
And he binds her hands and thoughts!

"This is a dysfunction",
she knows too well
She's rotting away slowly
while he never cared for her
He wanted her body
She harboured the world instead
Which was his body...and his eyes
and his glasses
and his beard
and his lips
and his voice
that will **** her in the end
Self destruction at the hands of a man
Oldest tale

It's bitter to taste
after all the sweet syrup
she fed herself via his hands
why he has snatched the bottle
nothing in return because
it was hers all the time!
I was not made of ashes, I was made of fire
How to recall the ****** rhyme?

Her therapist says she's stuck
oh she's locked
locked on a ******* ****
got stung on her heart!

Her ****** focus
the death of her
small death in the bed
death of all she could have been

Is the spring waning again?
Am I to cherish this as a *******?
I burnt well without him
Why can't he accept his place within me
Why he resists death
like the little imp he is

Am I to be locked
in his ****
the same way my fella
does now?

There's no God when there's no fear
Yet his true face does appear
You can be sure; if you **** fear
you won't **** a real God
(s)he is everywhere
(s)he is love

I am off the ward
The lights - they kind of
blind my eyes
but I am so high
Kisses all over me, rushes late at night
Tears sometimes - part of the pack

I am witnessing the world
Never, never, never stop
And to witness is to know
To know, entails to hold

I got out after I was healed
but getting out was part of it
I've got a lot of things to live
"Time ticks away like a bomb"
I am not missing anymore

I am off the ward
I bet I'm going to have fun
Keep a sword by my side
The shadows lurk around

His voice makes me high
His eyes make me fly
He speaks my world of ache, despair
And coats it with piercing beauty instead
My world of black, my breathless world
He was there when it crumbled too
Yet I could not see through
I am behind the veil now, so I do
Existential boredom and hunger for some relief
from everything
even *** seems sickening
Yet I can't stop having it

He is not ****** - but he is a pleasure too
He is an angel - from **** heaven
He is beautiful - he doesn't have to try to
In a bodyless world (what a blessing,
what a curse) I'd be with him of course

Hey what are you going to tell me I haven't been through
Some of you read and some others make the books
What are you going to show me I hadn't swallowed yet
What are you telling me I haven't heard

We are rewriting history with our Tumblr
We are showing the hidden side of the game
Empowered nymphets in the sun rays
Our life speaks volumes, I am not who I was then
I was a teenage wreck in the hands of a man
He was a Humbert at the thought of my body and my limbs
I keep it outside as a badge of my life
But don't get me wrong, I am not that book
I change the meaning of the words everytime I move
I make them breathe, I make them come alive
In my own terms, in my own sense
And everything I do is trying to get through
this message that I've bled, this message that I spread
We are the girls, we know what's up
What are you telling me - I know it all
Still at it - with my man who is older than I
Still rocking that summer wind in al
I am breathing mythology, I am breathing testimony
of what they don't dare see
I am an unwanted presence in the room
because I know it good
I learnt it at 16 - my teenage hustling
Your dad shuns your older lover - it's our daily bread
Never be sorry! For fulfilling your dreams
Girls from the world raise your voice high
Men with us help us wear out our lungs
our body, weary in pleasure, all of us...

But I am 24 - my time is over, I know
But I breathe the Lolitaesque still
I live the Lolitaesque!
A tough path to tread on.
But rewarding overall.

Love and soul, that complicated scheme
we try to understand
do we?

You have to choose!
Ophelia or Queen Gertrude
draw blood in your arm
lose your mind for a man
or
dry your tears and be blamed
because you've done

Ophelia - broken girl
never a woman, always less
Ophelia are you my fate
I refuse to wear your name!

Queen Gertrude oprobium,
hate, and guilt upon you
Because you dared to be yourself
Give up the chains, simply reign
Rocked yourself to ***
You dance at life's pace.

But I feel Opheliac this morning
and I know it's not the deal
She died young and had no fun
She's no role model to me
I've already had my share of her ilk -
I've already lost my mind and gained it back

And I felt Gertrude yesterday
and I felt such shame
But to be on fire kills all blame

But ah, maybe real women are not
black and white schemes
we carry the rainbow inside
you can't put us into boxes and if you dare to do
I will indeed be Queen Gertrude,
because I am not going to die anymore
I am not taking blindly what comes,
I won't accept the idea of doom
I am not mourning for you, I know more now, I do

May it looks hectic and hellish
May is rotten away
May is a triumph of love against world's face
But oh, the battle
May - pain
Fading from black to grey
And back again.

A crown of thorns
May tastes sour, bitter
A bad thought! A new doubt!
Why does it come

I make the weather
And the weather makes me too.
Who does who?

The eyes of the world are a strain
They increase and excite my inner pain
But I have come to see
that once again
the problem is somehow me

May is going to be hard
But let's trust each other's hand
Let's trust the flow that nourished us so far

I always see a problem come
but never see happiness when it does
I am attuned to disaster

A hiatus - not really
we'll live in the margins
but we will live
though

Desire frozen
what a fun, ironic way to be
the waters, way too cold
so they freeze, their flowing stops

Desire bound
Would rip his clothes off
A crazy broken vessel in my brain
or what?

I ****** up again - myself
Never smothered, this fire
working with wAter even higher

Dry waters - what could be or what it is?
running inside me
paralyze me
move me to this

Would have kissed you
Like a teenage schizoid girl
In a stupor herself made
But let's not lie - I'm not the ******* same
This hunger never stops
I'm like a hungry, hungry Wolf
for love...

I am not looking for your ****
as much as I look for love
I crave skin on skin
I crave sweet sweetest things

Little boy, my big boy
He's so beautiful it hurts
but the space between us
makes us dizzy
makes him feel aimless
makes me feel stupid

And I go away
without a Kiss from your lips.
And I leave
with a taste bittersweet.
And I wonder
which are those things I feel
I wonder about my Friends
the mess, sometimes beautiful, we are in
I wonder about we pull away from
what we love the most.

I have to walk along with this wound
turning to scar sometimes, at last
I didn't choose it, but it seems to be it
I am not my illness; but it walks along me

And I have to come to terms with it every morning
It sabotages me and makes me strong.
I can't kick it. It is like a smothering rope, around my chest.
I am not my illness; but we are united bitterly

Lover or nurse - don't make me choose!
My illness came to make the most of me
It was something I had to touch with my hand
She's a topic to explain,
She's something I can't explain quite well
Yet she is there
I am not my illness; I will get free
Drown my hands in this rabbit hole
till I reach MY SOUL

There's something dead between us two
I killed it. Or did you? Did we?
Things are not the way they've been
Although I fought till bleed

There's something dead between us two
You're here, but I'm still ******
You're here, but the problems still knock
Is it true or do I Project again in you?
There's something dark between us
But not comforting as the night

Can I saVe it? Can you?
There's something dead between us
we better acknowledge it
before it spreads up

To know I know now
and I pushed you away back then!
Like a little girl with the new toy
between my legs

To see the truth clear
that I love you, I think
but I do not dare say
now I know it is real

To have your vision blurred
by a million mists
yet knowing you've witnessed
something at last but not least!

To yearn for you in a way I had never felt
it breaks my heart, but I can cope well
I won't die anymore, but I can tell
if we don't survive, it will be a bit of hell
In fact, somehow it is, and has been
Paradise and hell - so close in a way

I don't want the past back. At all. I don't.
I want to create something that blows our minds.
Do you love me? (Or have I killed that)
Do I love you back? No anxiety, no fear of abandonment
this time?
Be careful - but do not fear too much
Beware - of yourself, but do not fret
Do not stifle yourself!
Stay tuned to the possibility of mess - but please do not stress

Talk a lot
eat a lot
**** a lot
This is the path to heaven
get born!

Be excessive in your thirst;
all willing, all open, all craving
all juicy, all glossy, all big
if you have to be addicted
let it be to this thrill

Sing a lot, laugh a lot, sleep a lot
and wake up next to the one you love!
Grow roots while rooted in now
be a perpetual teenager
in love with the things you've found
All you have is this match - set it on fire

Be happy!
Talk to God!
In a late party talk
in a midnight ****
in your ice cream bowl
go ahead and find love

The doors have opened wide
in front of my eyes
I see a future bright and scary
I have to step inside

I will never forget the days I spent with you
I won't forget you were the first to see through
I won't forget your sweet love and *** in Berlin
In fact me and my hand haven't so far

But I have to say
it's getting too much to stay
too much pain too much nerves
And I don't want anymore to depend
I feel a peace I can't explain

Can we solve it?
Can we keep on trying?
or is it reckless senseless persisting?
What do I want? I need your body close
Without you I'm an empty box
You are the distiller of my thoughts

But I see, I need this to be
I gave you too much of me
To the point where I would break you
I've got a vision I can't see
But I have to try at least

How to say goodbye
when the gods whisper in your ear
and you still love the guy?
I want to cry in your arms
over this beautiful mistake
will meet you again in another life

What if there is only back to black without
It's not okay using you as my layout
Am I simply entertaining myself too well?
If I do, why do I want to stay there?

I feel vertigo
it seizes my guts
yet I know this is life
what I dreaded for so much

I was sick today
you were sick too
Sick us two

But lying in your arms while sick
is pure pleasure to me
instant healing
or at least instant relief

Do you love me the way I love you?
First it was good because it was ******* breathing
******* true
The pain, the pain in me
I do  not know why I get so sick
To know I wish

But have no doubt inside that I love you way too much.

I am the alien from the 108
You are my cosmic bound
We met high up above
There is a layer of God on top
That's why this thread around our bodies
this golden thread that will make us choke

And sure I changed your life
and sure you changed mine
I am the alien from the 108 - pink hair
turbulent eyes, a explosion of chaos

Now we can really join - we are apart
This universal force takes a toll
on unexpected passengers in that road
those who live through it but did not know
Those who can see but are still small
smaller than the energy generated
that confuses and clears the vision field

Now I am broken down
and full throttle!
We are bigger than the world
we are fire, we are a unmissable link
this doesn't rhyme now
no need for it
we rhyme perfectly
our needs they used to meet
we rhyme to the point we bleed

Bitter taste in my mouth
Growing like **** rather than grass
You love me but just in your bed
It's what I fear
what holds me still

No one will shut me down
Not a lover - at all
I need to get this off my chest...

Bitter to see
how we drift apart
And it breaks my heart
Probably it's just my mind
But I am justifying you all the time

It hurts...to be away
Shame on my name
Must I endure this hurricane
Will we be destroyed or will we walk out sane

I need you, close to me
The words choke, dying on my throat
Digestion gone bad, you pay the toll
In your hammering thoughts
Growing anxiety, the wrong side of love

It stirs me - the whole thing
Always sweating a fever - or feverish
We are good, I must learn to see
The devils calling out my name
Are not voices to believe

In memory of all those broken children. Don't let them win! Win back your soul! Stand up! Fight!
PS: All you ******* could not **** me.*

That girl in the corner of the world
Shoring up the waste and the beauty of her soul
She died, but oh her corpse
I carry it some of the time

That girl that can't believe her own worth
That she's not utter **** or something worse
That she's human, has got a heart
and a body, and it needs to be loved.
The girl bullied anytime she speaks,
anytime she dares to merely be. In her ugly sweater and unsexy jeans,
tangled up hair, deadened stare,
her fear to breathe, for fear the air will choke her.
(It will)

She's dead. She had to die. Otherwise, I would have.
But that girl carries corpses and demons inside!
She smiles, so wide and bright
and gets high
on stupid compliments because she still thinks what she was told
or shown
or punched to accept!
The venom seeping deep in her veins
how to forget the dark in the middle of the day?
A goodbye when everybody has just arrived

She's dead. But I am not.
And now I flaunt my weirdness all along
and people love me
and most of all: I can love myself
and the pills they do help
but the path is carved by myself, I guess

You think you can hide
who you are from my eyes
But I see for miles
what others can't perceive
I see what I can't speak

You think I don't see
but my eyes are cat eyes
You and I are each other's worst fear
I see in the dark

You think you can make me angry again
Throw my life down the sink.
I know it wasn't what you intended it to be
I cannot be flooded out by you
But I cannot let you win

Your little obsessions
that talk of your world
your authoritarian ways
that you can't easily stop
they flow out your mouth
like the air you expel with each breath

I paint a picture of you that's distorted
but not much more than mother's
I paint a picture of you shaped by
all the disappointments you made
only healed by time and efforts on your side
(what is right is right)
but you are who you are
and I am who I am

The devil was you,
I used to think to myself it was true
but it was growing in me too
It took on my soul
And no matter how much I rioted
or acted up
I was hostage
of a sick world
In fact, I acted up because I knew I would lose
but I wouldn't have lost maybe
except for you
You aren't poisonous but you and I
like toxic waste react
And letting you take over me
is to lose again a created war

I am a scared whole new girl
This is who I am, then...

I haven't seen you yet,
and I haven't seen myself
but this is an anticipation
of what you might get

First things first:
I never went to Sweden with him
but my dreams still live,
whoever wants to, can join me

My man left me; I left him after
I became queen Gertrude, and it felt good...
It takes courage to do what you must do

I am not all addicted to his drugs no more
I am kicking the vice...and I have a new one
***** the tears and the pain I had
It just takes new shapes, is he willing to abide?
I am taking a chance, I am moving on
I am happy - although I don't really know

I know only 4 months have passed
what you'll find is a different lass
(I am closer to me in every step I take and
my crazy style ain't going ever away)
but a lot more...grown up, about to crash
about to explode
like fireworks in the sky
like overheated dynamite

But I enjoy the blows I'm given
I am scared as ****, but that won't make me
ever stop

And I am ready to join you again
Because I am not obsessed
with making friends this year
I don't think as much as I did:
that's a strong point for me

This wasn't planned at all
but sometimes life plots ahead
showing you what it is about
but rarely letting you down

I sign off; I do not know
what you will find
but you will find something better
than I was last time
Uncertainty at its peak
But I can put up with it

Psychotic Poetess (you don't really know
who I am)

Matt Smith
in the computer screen
lights me up
Doctor Who and bowties
My mind wanders, my heart flies
And is distracted from itself
do I find myself that way?

How to know what the heart wants
and what the body wants?
every leer carries inside
the germ of something more
every ***** thought
is the cleanest of them all

Everytime you are desperate
seeking for a stranger's embrace
you are looking for the eternal source
to fill your empty space...
You don't need a man. You don't need a girl.
You need a lifeline
to the core of the earth
something that I can barely express
(his love...in his mattress)
you are not in need of ***
you are in need of all it takes

And I have this feeling
that times comes and goes at irregular intervals.
That we are (un)stuck in time,
and it reappears but never goes back.
(I think too much)

This skin will also die.
My love reincarnates.
Like the Doctor does.

Ah, sweet urge.
Won't you come and see me more?

Watch me! I ain't who I was
I am who I've always been

You turn your head - you can't believe it's me
I can't either believe - I got freed
Watch me proud in the streets
Watch my madness gone sweet
My madness gone the right way, finally

Seven months of love
Of kissing in the mechanic stairs
in the gaps to fill of the day
we would flourish
Late nights at the keyboard
"I'd love to be at your side"

Seven months of wondering
what is all this about
Seven months of doubt!
of being pushed against the wall
and loving every minute of it
of going back and forth
waiting impatiently for your call
Your love, your love, your love! Oh
Seven months of paranoid thinking
"Will you cheat on me
Are you hiding something"
Usually, some of the time
of lit-up poems - you set me on fire
of waters in a roar - whole lakes that I own
of your steaming glasses - when we're steaming too
How you take them off
How I see you filled with love

Seven months of asking myself questions
that life throws to my face
they would never have showed themselves
hadn't you came

Seven months - that I spent telling myself each day
"This is not gonna last"
Yet here I am. Writing these confusing, life affirming lines.

Seven months of
psychotic
love

I've been drowning for hours
those are the thoughts
wanna peek into my broken home?

So out of my element, so stressed
My glitter water, my magic powder
I will create something out of this mess

I am one of those freaks
I am one of those wild meeks
Can't let this get to me

I've been drowning for hours
in a puddle
of my own undone pulsions
of something I can't name
but it ******* ached

I felt it coming back
all of that crap...
Thin guys - thin desire
That heartbeat rising and dying
at the same agonic time
Closed mouth - hands tightly shut
in that famous knot
Thin mentality - beauty in an urn
But I smashed it the moment I felt the Sun
Is it up to me, for the Sun to burn

Trust nothing - not even your mind
in fact, that's the least reliable one
trust your Soul, your shining Sun! it lies in your Heart

The tragedy is I might love you
we created a monster
that comes and saves us in unlikely moments
but you might not care about this poem

What about him? I love him, too
it's a work in progress - it goes good

but yesterday I just ****** up
on my actions
and my world is a weird puzzle
where everything connects
no internal logic yet
but synapses going nuts instead
so enlightening, so sick,
sometimes, so great

But what do I think now
it makes no sense
I am drowning,
once again

My mind - sharp and clear
I will die for this
for the afterwards bliss

Oh dear I got tired
but I don't know why
Do I?

Was it my pain in the chest
every Saturday night
was it paranoia
or was it God shedding some light

Was it my insecurity
playing tricks on me
or were you tricking me
with these chicks
I don't know - all of this
A part of me feels
like it has been heard so it doesn't scream

And I am not sure - but it's not us
I just feel overwhelmed, don't want to
be unright
We are coming to our end, and there are no tears in sight
I cried much before this came.

I can feel it in my bones - a new era comes
and it's up to me to learn from the rabbit hole
get bigger, never small
But the words freeze when they come to my mouth
I want to sing but I just blurt
Words get lost...so
I get lost, I get lost
Everything so critical, everything so strange
Everything so distant, everything on the edge
I just want to lick the blade...its taste
Don't let me die here, in a world so contained.
I don't want to cry, I just need my inner life.

I am one or I am many
who gives a **** as long as you are happy
What you are looking for - the everyday carries!

I am one but I have shards
I polish them with a million words
a million songs, a million hugs

I am one and I am I
That's the only thing you shouldn't hide
So let me at least have a guide
that I can fully make mine

How to put into order my crazy travel
all ecstasy, wonder, and mystery unravelled

Uncomfortable on your skin - might be the case
if such is, then get some rest, and you
will beam colours, your true self
now go outside, get fed

I know I have some wrong ways
but so do you, babe

I am at the beach - you are the water
soaking my feet and my legs
and I love it, but ah what comes after
Change something, it can't work other manner
I can't get out from your spell - but your water
has a bitter aftertaste

And here I am, talking to your walls
What am I running after, or running from?
Your kiss, let it rule and ride along
Let it seize, take control
But I can't hide the depth of what you make me feel
I love the ******* as much as the caress

I haven't forgot you a single minute.
Did you, did you?
But I can't go on the way we did
it will surely **** me
And it will **** the ****** flower
we killed ourselves

So again? No, not again
Not ever back there
But your kiss is powerful
like a thunder in the silence
like a furious frenzied tune
in the amidst of noises
that clears up the doubts
that sows thrills and chills
a call from the Devil
or God - I think it's God's

Not to feed
upon
pain
rage
bad vibes
but onto
that free flowing movement
the waves
Remember them?

The waves carry you everywhere
You just need
to let 'em
But it's not easy, I agree

Not to die
Not to fight
Not to obsess
To trust
-hardest stuff-
To think well
and not too much anyway
To live
it's art
you need nothing else
if you get it
you need no further

To drown yourself
in the sound and the love
in your million doubts
hold them close
do not let them eat you up

To drown yourself
in waters only giving access
to other realms

Amy you could not sleep
when heartbroken by Blake
You dreaded sleep, because of him
All I do is to hide between the sheets instead
to forget this pain in my chest
"To sleep, perchance to dream"
To sleep, be suspended still
And wake up to find
He's still missing, he ain't still here.

So hooked!

I can't make up my mind
this drug kicks in too much!
So hooked!
It's such a rush
that ends up in hell's town

I haven't gave up on you yet
you're my cigarrettes!
So hooked!
Sparkles of him fly on the air
and crash against my man's face

So hooked! So caught!
So scorching - but so hot
So tiresome - why can't you let go?
Why can't you let me walk?
Towards my new road

I wrote my final words
slowly but carefully
now the charade
now the life gone away

A ray of light
before death
I won't lie to myself
At the city I am lost
the gates of Babylon closed
words from my heart
not easily they come

In freedom you can thrive
you can expand these wings and finally
fly
in freedom you'll reach your peak
but freedom could make you
bruised and a bit
confused, (you see)
but you are free to be,
so just be

freedom is the sweet risk
you need to find what you need
so don't yearn for the chains
instead, run wild till your feet ache
only in freedom does love grow

Reality seems to divert and distort
- when you and I speak
I am confused and can't see straight
but reality never died away
him and me exist

He loves me - I love him back
So what? So what?
Armed with that peace
I will pave my way to the stars.

Everything's gonna be alright
I will slip through the cracks
to meet you at night
They never understood - it's okay,
I'm fine

"Choose life", but what is more vital?
To follow the dead beats of biology
or go seeking a star?
or face death bravely?

Life is saving your neck
and those you love to death
Life is not selfless,
unless selflessly you live

Life is not easy
Life is an affirmation daily

"Choose life", they say
But no one would win
And beauty is always different from
bourgeoisie's
And I have this fear deep down in me
And I need an excuse to shake it off
Choose the bright side
and never be sorry about
life is beyond words

His smile is wide - he does as he likes
he's not like the rest but he couldn't care less
He's me, if I ever was unbound
He's unbound - that's why he smiles so much
He's been heard - when he dwelled in hell
He's loved! He's beautiful! He's true!
He's free like the wind and no one clips his wings
(but I am untying my strings
no matter how strong blows the wind)
Unlike me, the broken bird
writing a poem about a guy I met.
He's just a man. I make the rest out of him.

Another broken Saturday
I remember when all your time was for us
I remember no strings attached
You're slowly getting bored of me

Another broken lonely Saturday
I won't try to act something I'm not
I miss you and it's what it's this about
I'm lonely and it's because of you
Your watered-down Emojis, all the things that I read

Why won't you talk to me
where do we lead, where do we go
from here
What do you want from all of this?
What is the natural progression of it?
I want you, I want you but I love you even more
Can't you see what I'm feeling now

Meeting in the morning to have ***
Your interest in me sometimes I certainly think has changed
I remember all our plans
Watch out for the signs, Cosmopolitan warns
It's bringing me down, it's tearing me apart

But you must have the ***** and guts
to tell me what's up
If something's wrong
I won't be your *****
Will I?
I will be anything for your love

I'm not in love - he's not my crush
But I have never wrote a sad poem for his cause.
Lately he's been creeping up into my heart
slowly dosing himself in my blood
Giving me his shoulder when I need to cry
what a fool I've been all this time
to despise the man
That reads me so well and so much

He's just a friend - he has many shadows, well
he is a pain in the *** sometimes
but he genuinely cares
and that solves everything
and his advice resonates in my ears
when he says cry no more for this
he's a Little laughter, a sweet thing to be found
and I need no more confirmation
of the things that really matter in this life

Got close to the place today
The place where it all began and died
It's like coming home
but coming home with a drain
coming home with a pain
A home that was only a house
Isn't everyone the same?

Tears come to my eyes
I wanna curl up and cry
when I'm back
to the place where I used to die.

Never kissed, never loved
Never listened, never grows
This is how you break a soul
Got far away, but always close
This is how you sew the hole

So much death, so much life
I was confused, but I always knew
"Why don't you kick dark off you
I can't kick myself off me, it's true"
And darkness always holds me
when no one does

Now I stand there, healed but still stirred
Because there is nothing pills cannot make
nothing love cannot save
(and I'm not ashamed; still insane!)
I could walk up there
to reconcile my love and hate
Makes (a little) sense in the light of today
Still you'd all choke on me and my man
And I would happily take that! Like you - I never was!

This is the coda to a bitter song
This is the progressive healing of the heart.
I am back - but I won't ever be.
You'll see me rise - I see.

They raise you
as a baby, they put mosquito nets
around you not to get stung
because they care
they want to cry when they first
see your face

but it's easy to love someone with no identity
a potentiality, someone without eyes
it's pure, indeed, but I don't want it for me
I see the cracks on the dream,
because the cracks are in my skin

and also, they are deeply afraid
of who you become
when you acquire these eyes
of your own
they are paralyzed, in shock
the tales they bought for you
with their guts bought!
and you need no prince,
and you just need to be free...

Our worlds are light years apart,
but this is it, what it is like, no turning back
So away. We'll never be friends.
Let us not converge. Too much at stake.

Yet they celebrate undercover your smile -
even if they don't really get why
yet they care, still, in a very strange way!

it's true they were your kings most of the time
when you were a baby, you couldn't imagine
this would be your life
and neither do they, in fact
but now we are the same, and we can look each other
in the eye...and you thank them for the effort,
the love that led you astray, the love that wanted you safe
even if you never aspired to such
even if you are the challenge they never asked for

I left a hole in you.
You left a hole in me.
I could walk afterwards,
maybe you never did
Massive explosion
Ghostly still

Tracing back the path
Who won and why?
What forces lied behind?
How does it affect
what happens now

Were we made to last
and did I **** up?

What did you mean for me?
Much less than him
now the rain falls
The mist comes
And I wonder about me, about us

Ramsdale
do you hold the answers?

Am I falling sick again?
Can you spot the patterns?
Am I going back in my steps
Is my brain battling back
How to swim this tide
That smothers and chokes
I will be lost without your love

And I look back, I look back
into my wounds same old schemes
so obscene
I look back to find an answer
in the past
What made it break that time?
Old lovers coming back at me to haunt
Patterns, can I control?

Tarot cards and omens fly
I have a million lenses for a pair of eyes
They impair my sight
My body is reduced to my mind
And I cannot put my wings to use
And go to Earth - only truth

I forgot the path
was tough but always with a smile
I don't decide
Although something breaks inside
stirs up
refuses to die

Why I kiss death so sweet?
I have no control of this
But going back to hell
Maybe it's the only way

My brain is no good
Save me from
I am shredded to the core
And every bandage cuts more
Give me a kiss if we have to go
Don't leave like that - you made me ***

Sometimes I can see
The shadow of all we've been

Lost and confused
Separate and diffuse
You are pulling away from me
Is it, is it true?

If everything is going back in time
so can we
But I can't go back because
I am not the same chick

We are big but we come from the ground
My birth was hard but it was worth it all
Your birth was getting rid of your befores
I want to keep swimming with you - kiss each other not to choke

Are we pulling away
Each on our own way
I can't take this again
But if it comes, nothing left to say

I look at her leg -
I just can't process
it's not ***, it's not ***!
Then, what else?

A defectuous pressure over there
Nothing to do with him
But it's so real, so clear
You can't just let it pass you by

I've been particularly bad these days
Problems with my *** drive and everything else
Slowly slowly, things did escalate
I knew I was heading for mayhem
Did I care?
And here I am, again in non-pain

I look at her leg - I want to run away
The awakening is followed not by the Sun
But this life feels so odd, it's not my own
Everything upside down

The horror, the horror
has many shapes
but this one is the superb one

I saw tonight
Chests wide open
Waiting for me to grab 'em
Like fruits juicy and inviting
Electricity flowing

Beds of hair
lying on those chests
My pants are quiet
But my mind is already shaking
I could feel it in my bones
And then i got dizzy and cold
Lost myself, lost ourselves
(A lower, non upgraded version of me
All the **** I used to be, trapped in non-me
The one I was before all this)
Suddenly I broke down
Into the cheeks of my forbidden? lust
I saw tonight life
Opening its lids in front of my eyes
but I also saw
all the toxic fumes i used to have

I am getting away from death
But death is faster than I thought
I don't wanna be lost
Not again, not more
God don't let me die
Drown in a pool of lies
Drown in my own piece of inherited land
I wanna see the light
shine so bright

[And live in soiled beds
And never pay attention to what they say]
Björk will save my soul
Surely selling my soul will do not

Do I want to be with you?
Bunch of faces that I die for
I am the daughter of a strange race
Struggling hard to find my place

So uncomfortable, yet so wanted
All the things today I felt...

Poetry of the subway
Struggling to find a path
The dark, cozy path
Leading to the heart.

You are my Iago
You feed on my fears
You are a snake
A snake to me
You show me the ugly side of things
when you barely understand them
Filling my mind with **** taking me nowhere

I am starting to get tired
of you whispering in my ear such crap
Take away my glee from me
I am starting to get tired
because dear life is not an app
that you can test and you can try

I am starting to get tired
of having a second father
found in you
I am starting to get tired
of your rational stuff
You fooled me once
won't fool me twice

Familiarity is a *****
She's a very weird one indeed
She's the upside and the downside - everything!
To see you again and feel some of what I always felt
Even if it's dead - familiarity is the ghost that stays
So many people wrecked
because of familiarity's spell
So many people healed and brought back to the Sun
because of familiarity's hug
People kissing old lovers, folks lost in drugs

Familiarity - a small stone in my shoe...
Fiona was right all the time,
"I just really used to love him",
and familiarity
is what broke her then,
familiarity is the quiet storm
in a muddy heart

Be aware of the wires
isolating your soul
The wire is only a tool
not somewhere to hide
You've been hiding your whole life
Until right now you saw the light
The september moon makes me mad
But I help myself swim the tide

I buy my own tales
I fall for my ****
No matter what happens
I will always find a bad omen
on it

If the moon is darkening
my canvas this time...
Death is lurking in the shadows I know
It's been months I feel her close

Be aware of the wires
that tie you like tight rope
and seem to come from your true heart
but how to hike this landscape
without all my untasty vices

I feel so stupid
I feel so out of place
I feel so out of myself
Careful, careful with health
Careful with homeostasis
It surely kills if not handled well

I created this paradise
and now I feel weird on it
It's still mine, still nice
but there is a little yet itchy catch
that leaves me bitter while I write

But maybe it's the september moon
a wheel of fortune
in evil hands

Now you slip in and out
of mental states and thoughts
that you can't describe
but surely are breaking you up
You'll win in time
you can never lose that game
you never lose the bet
in life

There are things I should change
but everything changes
when contacted with hell
Now I am back home
with all its glee, all its hope
and some of its doubt

A mute again, I will be
But so calm and so still
And to grow up this time, I promise I will

Everything is a question now
But life answers them all
In ways you never thought

I had so many things to say
Now all them are left astray
Coming today from you, so sweet,
forever I would stay
but our love will remain