The sunflowers' heads
hang heavy with beauty—
it would mean nothing to me
but I seeded the dirt.
I can stake them and tie them
and they will comply,
smile and greet passersby,
but I know how they hurt.

drill
. deep,
. drip
slow.

sweet,
. distilled &
. crystalline
flow.

outdid yourself, truly,
politely with neatness.
it’s yours now,
. the sweetness,
. please take it and go.


dark &
delicate.
deliberate,
. divine.

tapped some pure purpose
right out of my spine!

like sugarcane grasses,
from sorghum,
molasses;
congrats man,
. you did it —
it’s yours now, not mine.

Let me see your sadness

Let me play with
the shades of
your mind

Swirling
like paints
on a palette knife


You think of it excess
I find it divine

You can show me your sadness
It reminds me of mine

I can feel,
acutely,
the chasm in my chest.
Perhaps
it was Lewis
who thought and said it best.

My words are stifled echoes,
my mangled hands are tied,
and the heavy doors of Hell
are locked from the inside.

oh, it’s starting
oh it’s starting.
Oh it’s starting
Oh it’s starting!
Oh, it’s over
Oh it’s over
oh it’s over
oh it’s over

I can’t wait to see you.


Oh, you’re not in trouble, baby.


You know I love you, don’t you?
I love you forever.

Since forever, on.

do you still feel it too?


How could I dare wake you
from this, most peaceful sleep?
Selfishly, and cruelly.
easily. I would.


This pain is mine now.

I am happy to wince when remembering you;
in fact, I refuse to forget.


Grief, violent as our joy.

it wasn’t a secret
that I meant to keep from you.

it was something that was mine,
I was still guarding.

do you feel like
you have gazed
to eyes of God,
or do you not.


do you feel like
every ray of sun that shines
has now surround you?


do you long for it
in heavy,
quiet dark;

and do you weep?


and if you do: because you Know it,
or is it because you don't?

Hello and welcome
to Too Trusting Anonymous!
(My name is Elice)

I am The Sun,
and The Sun is Me:
Everlasting life,
in the blink
of a Larger Eye.

i understand an evil urge,
you can talk to me

i understand a binge and purge
of all of kinds of things

i'll do my best to soften words
hard to believe

i promise if you want that
you can talk to me

I am alright.
I have a face mask
nicotine stick
& a heating pad

I have lavender, in epsom salts
and healthy food & ****
and I am lucky
lucky
lucky,
I should tell myself I’m
lucky

I’m alright,
I will be fine
(and I am, guess,
most the time
besides
I am not going to die
and still have quite yet
so much time.

Please don’t leave those bruises on my thighs,
for me to look on fondly when you’re gone.

stillness or stagnance
collection of fragments
which stand,
but not weathered—
they're worn.
happiness staggered,
she talked herself haggard:
she thinks herself fragile
but she is the thorn.

sometimes, I think
you're a color,
that only I can see.
on ahead, there's a place,
in shades of you,
waiting for you and me.

recklessly but partway honest
careful with the pointed things
shining brighter light upon this
devil with angelic wings

broken (once) a promise
once imperative to keep
to feel so free in honesty
will sing us both to sleep

You've got a sense of gravity
that drew me into orbit.
My mind is spinning, spinning
so fast I can't ignore it.
I put my trust in you
like nothing else before
and suffer for it.


I gave too many chances
now we've made up a routine.
Why should we stay together
if you're somewhere in between?
I'd rather hear you say goodbye
than say things that you don't mean,
I mean, you're free to go, just know
when you're gone, my hands are clean.


You make a pretty promise
but oh, your words are weightless.
You get my hopes so high,
but when you kiss me, it's so tasteless.
You swear to guard my heart
and then you turn around and break it,
I can't take it.


I know when I am hurting,
you start to feel apologetic.
Once you know our history,
I don't seem quite so prophetic.
Such a constant state of disarray
surrounding us and yet it's
like a second nature:
Fall in love, forget my name.
Forget it.


You make a pretty promise
but oh, your words are weightless.
You get my hopes so high,
but when you kiss me, it's so tasteless.
You swear to guard my heart
and then you turn around and break it,
I can't take it.

use your kiss
as an elixir.

Let its sweetness
counter
the sour taste
my words leave.

Let its softness
knead my neck
and shoulders.

Let its calmness
soothe
my rapid thoughts
and breathing.

Let it remind me
I am loved,
and it is you
who loves me.

•
•

it is good that i was lying next to you
as you sounded your alarm.
quick and shallow hiccups
tiny gasping
shook the bed.
i swatted you
— 2:30 am


even more alarming when it stopped,
i crashed to life
half up-above you.

a nightmarish apparition of myself
a screeching, darkening
premonition of death.


your eyes rolled
your head
heavy ragdoll
I begged you
to wake up;
struck you,
screamed your name

and I focused intently
as, vivid surreal,
the reds and the blues,
streams and islets,
turned up violets
at some deltas
of the reds and the blues
of your face
and so i never even felt for your heartbeat.


much like in throes of passion,
the attempts to force
any inspiration
were my frantic lips
still breathing your name
against yours
cool, moist, and soft,
yet, this time,
unreceptive
to my pleading.
and i heard my disembodied voice
somewhere inside my hollow head
call help


This part hasn’t ended yet

Faulty filter,
fully-functional.
He waits for her
(poised and punctual):
Ascent-dependent;
she drowns on air,
aloof, alert
she hides in hair.
Her lines, off-putting
hollow hymns
of mind onfoot with
phantom limbs.
She garners courage
on the stairs,
and peeks upon
his lone affairs.

His untapped rhythm
beats persistent,
caged by ribs, but
closing distance.
It gives a pacing
to her thoughts
in lilting measures:
all or naught.
His feet can feel her
on the stairs.
"Only enter,
he who dares."

Waiting for her
near her door,
the floor won't meet her heels.
His fate, yet to be sealed.

Lately I'm so tired,
like an asteroid lost in orbit.
Set fire to a match
and now I'm burning for it.
But if there is anything
left I'm sure is true:
Honey, I am tired,
but I'm not tired of you.

Constantly so puzzled
when the pieces just don't fit.
Down the road, I'll work it out,
I feel so sure of it.
Oh, but when you kiss me,
who could care if that was true.
Honey, I am puzzled
but not ever about you.

For so long I've been in love
with no one but myself.
Hid all of the step ladders
and my heart on the top shelf.
The thing just gathered dust,
something I never meant to do.
But you brushed it off and now
I'm so in love with you,
so deep in love with you.

Well, no.

You  were  toying  with  my head, with
how   you   said   the  things   you  said
the  way   you   phrased  them   for  the
better,   then   much worse.    Walk  out
or    walk     away  ,  keep    on    saying 
what  you're  saying ,  but  all  I   hear's
c    o     m    p     l    a     i     n     i     n    g
and      your       echoes       in     reverse.

the angel on my shoulder
picked up smoking,
the devil on the other
took up yoga—

they don't know
how much they have
in common.

•••

half-illuminated day,

are you raining, i wonder



the blank space stretches

between the windowsill and me





even through the curtains,

when there is sun, it feels so sure.

why is its absence obvious

any less so?