Grief is a tough customer.
very demanding,
never satisfied.

A debt collector,
with letters in caps.
How do I tell them you’re dead?

I saw you blue.
felt you cold,
smelt what replaced your blood.
Now you’re reduced to rubble.

Kiss your urn,
warm in my hands.
See you when I blink

I can’t wait to see you.


Oh, you’re not in trouble, baby.


You know I love you, don’t you?
I love you forever.

Since forever, on.

do you still feel it too?


How could I dare wake you
from this, most peaceful sleep?
Selfishly, and cruelly.
easily. I would.


This pain is mine now.

I am happy to wince when remembering you;
in fact, I refuse to forget.


Grief, violent as our joy.

it wasn’t a secret
that I meant to keep from you.

it was something that was mine,
I was still guarding.

•

I spent the vacation dissociating.
wish u were here


As far as I could go,
my thoughts do follow.


An echo reverberates
til it rattles the canyon.



meanwhile

I domesticate insanity.


Xoxo,

Everything in my life is great
and I can’t touch it.
A hundred million miles away from you,
from gratitude -
my mind can’t reconcile.

I don’t learn.
I don’t think.
I dissociate.

My astral body
has anxiety.

There is no such thing as mindfulness

-


I am Pavlov’s dog
and I am famished.


I wonder if Maslow’s pooch got
free run of the food bowl.
I wonder if I will self-actualize.


I think of the paradox of quantum superposition.

I wonder about the rules for the evolution of a system.

Simultaneously, I do and do not understand quantum physics.



I bet Sigmund Freud had a rabbit.

ring ring

just cuz ya
want it
don’t mean that
ya get it

& just cuz ya don’t
doesn’t mean
it’ll stop

It’s love!
   or something

   it’s probably not