If I'm quick enough to smile
before you do
at me,

you straighten,
then relaxedly
soften
to touch.

I love you so much.

Is it possible

I could tell you,

when my mind is

a mess,

it is still you

I think to

?

I will break my own heart
just fine
thank you

I am a heartbreaker
don't
you
know that?


thousands of hearts
and each of them mine
every time

every night
I will break my own heart
now


maybe I should
break my own heart
now


I am the heartbreaker
Watch as I go

•••

half-illuminated day,

are you raining, i wonder



the blank space stretches

between the windowsill and me





even through the curtains,

when there is sun, it feels so sure.

why is its absence obvious

any less so?

I want something to feel.
so bad.
I'm having
pizza guy fantasies.
Looking through the peep hole,
my hand on a crisp 20

I know it's the last thing
that you want to hear
but he made me feel
like you make me feel.

It's not that I'm trying
to hurt you, I fear
though, that he made me feel
like you make me feel.

I need to know
what I'm feeling is real
so, "Get out of here,
do not bring yourself near me."

(I'd rather stay quiet
and cry myself out
if I'd otherwise cry out
while no one could hear me.)