pained & broken
bruised & scabbed
but not defined,
by my relapse.

hold me tight
soften the blows
treat me so,
too many now know

10/24/16
you can do it
you are worth it
I love you dear,
scars included;

sunshine pouring through the pane
clouded air, foggy brain
cup 'o chocolate & warm duvet
cover my head and hide away

now a cave where creatures lurk
darkness seeps through
creeks and smirks
pained delirium through tired eyes
dukes up now, patience thin
fighting sleep, leaded lids

all in the end
to give up and make friends

Haha blow my nose
Now i cant hear
No more condescending, irritating,
Buzzing in my ear
But now my ear
It seems to be underwater
And my lack of balance
Its pulling me under

Teary eyes
No im not hurt
Allergies-let me tell ya
Theyre the worst.
My nose it runs
but doesnt get far
Before it stops cold
Waiting fromafar
For this wheezing bag of bones
To catch up
Maybe make it home
But God its so fa.. *sneeze
Stupid ball of fire
And pollenated breeze
Grass grates against my feet
Everything irritates me

Yup. This yard looks nice
Close enough decided
Mouth breathing now
Logic stopped up ahead
 with my nose
Close my watery eyes
As my breathing slows

Suffocated by the silence
The bitter atmosphere
Hindered by compliance
To thoughts once said
Now held dear

The silence
Where my thoughts are overrun
By this sleek proverbial gun
Blasting off in
3
2
done
Reaching the moon, to tread upon
The screaming in my head now upset
That i am not yet gone.

But ive never been that lucky
Now a circle of self abuse
The pen my favorite dagger
The world my favorite noose

The suffocation now controllable
Panic replaces fear
Oh what have I done?
What am i doing here?

It seems no more composure
But ive also lost my nerve
Maybe ill just close my eyes
sleep through this ending verse

And maybe if im lucky,
Itll weaken all the hurt.

My biography, is shabby. Yes I am aware
but there are things you don't want to know
and yes I do care.

I really am a nobody ... not many read anything I write.
That's ok. I wouldn't either
I have issues... and because of these and the fact that the lot of you won't be missing much- I'm going to stop writing. maybe for a bit, maybe for good. not that it matters.

I am "that girl in the corner", and I barely know myself. But at the moment- it's extremely hard to realize I'm not a complete waste of space.
I'm sorry for the poor quality lately, and this lame post. I'll leave you be now.

Right. Thats who i am.
 Who ill always be.
Just do me a favor and lock away the key
But like usual
I forgot something else again
Worthless trophy locked away on this dusty shelf
Used to the darkness
And the shadows of doubt

Scattered pieces lie about
Bleed me dry
tear me apart
Do it correctly, inside out

But even with that dusty key
I would still be stuck here it seems
Too afraid of what lies beyond
Paper thin door
Memmories never vanquished
Never even gone

They play with my concious
Twist and pull those strings
Making me flinch and panic yet again
The wounds run deep
Your words become mine
Oh dont worry, my demons are pleased
Theyre having a great time

The scars? Forget them not.
The stitches were better used on others
The ones not forgot.
But hey, thats ok.
I never wanted them anyway.
Newly healed hurts more to break,
Than the skin always broken anyway.

Coffee here.
Drink me black
Bitter still- my favorite snack.
Food and sweets long forgot.
Replaced by this energy shot.
Through my eyes.
Reverberates my tongue
Just one sip.
And now long gone.
Wearing off too soon.
Never could replace sleep.
Bitter laugh. Bitter tea
Only a short sweet reprieve
Blackened lead doors slide closed.
Too bad that in my dreams
I am there left alone.