My Dearest Lost Love,
Not a day reaches end without the thought of you
Your smile that kept my heart beating
Your laugh that kept my lungs breathing
Your warm love that kept my life living
I've Hurt you through my own Selfishness
I've Lost you through my own Foolishness
I long to hear your words again
I wish to hear your voice again
To see your smile
To hear your laugh
To hear your voice
To feel your love
To have you again
My Lost Love will I ever Find you Again?

there's nothing like being young
and starving,
living in a roominghouse and
pretending to be a
writer
while other men are occupied
with their professions and
their possessions.
there's nothing like being
young and
starving,
listening to Brahms,
your belly ******-in,
nary an ounce of
fat,
stretched out on the bed
in the dark,
smoking a rolled
cigarette
and working on the
last bottle of
wine,
the sheets of your
writing strewn across the
floor.
you have walked on and across
them,
your masterpieces, and
either
they'll be read in
hell,
or perhaps
gnawed at by the
curious
mice.
Brahms is the only
friend you have,
the only friend you
want,
him and the wine
bottle,
as you realize that
you will never
be a citizen of the
world,
and if you
live to be very
old
you still will never
be a citizen of the
world.
the wine and
Brahms mix well as
you watch the
lights
move across the
ceiling,
courtesy of
passing
automobiles.
soon you'll sleep
and
tomorrow there
certainly
will be
more
masterpieces.

Skin against skin
Lips wrap around mine
Your tongue slips into my mouth
And pushes to the top
A hand creeps down
Rests on my hip
Fingertips dig into my skin
Pulling me closer
Skin to skin
The rush to remove clothes
How to get closer
Hands pull at my hair
Lips brush against my jaw
Teeth graze my neck
Can't move faster
Can't continue
All stops.

The want.
The urgency.
The need.
Won't stop.

You tell me I'm lovely
You tell me I'm thin
You tell me to come over
But you never say when

You tell me I'm different
You tell me I'm pretty
You tell me to get dressed up
You want to take me to the city

You tell me I'm quiet
You tell me too much
But you never did tell me
You were feeling out of touch

You told me to go
You told me to stay
You couldn't make up your mind
So I decided to leave anyway

You told me you were sorry
You told me you were dumb
You told me that you over think sometimes
And that it isn't any fun

I told you I would be here
I told you I would stay
But don't think that you're my lover
We couldn't last a day

Now you're broke and sorry
Wishing it was better
But "sometimes things happen that way"
I wrote you in a letter

I miss you everyday
I miss you all the time
If only you had known our love
Was always first in mind

I think about you
and I think about me
and I think that we both think too much
And I know that you'd agree

You told me you were happy now
You told me you were having fun
You told me to come visit soon
I could even meet your son

I was ****** and I was tired
I was sad and I was cold
This life just flew by us both
Too fast to grab hold

I am happy too you know,
I never needed you
To tell me that you needed me
I'm a shadow, I'm anew

You won't find me around here
Don't even come and look
"I'm long gone away somewhere"
I wrote you in a book

Now I only see ocean
I can't remember land
For time has passed and I am just a soul
Holding life in my hand

I remember you
from your beautiful smile
your cinnamon scented hair
your contagious laughter
your nail-biting addiction
your pointless insecurities
to our silly inside jokes
our dumb little fights
our peculiar bets
our goofy text messages

through tears and smiles
you were the only one who understood
my unspoken words
my concealed pain
my unexpressed happiness
my puzzled feelings

counting your days
we recalled our mischievous memories
when we danced in the rain
when we rang doorbells and ran away
when we pranked the gullible ones
when we stole Ikea pencils
when we fangirled over stunning guys
when we were together
everything turn into excitements
moments with you
I remember them all, Grace

it was a week before December twenty-fifth
when the monstrous cells stopped your heart
a glimpse of smile
appeared upon your face
as you're being taken
far away from us
skin turned pale
body stiffened
tears flooded my sight
there were wailing across the room

time flies like a bullet train without you
it's a rainy day today
you've always loved rainy days
sinking my knees in the dew-wet grass
raindrops whisper in my ears
as I brush off the gray snow from your stone
I still remember you, Grace
I still do

I long
                    like
something plush weeping
         into a pillowed hug

of empty oxygen

though I try the Brave Game,
                                         (and usually win)
               flakes of me run
           off my arms and face
and scrounge around the corners of the room
          
                                                           looking for your mellow sting.

supposedly,
“heartache”
is figurative.
                        But I definitely feel
a              s t r e t c h i n g
mush
right where
the Doctors say my heart
                       should probably be

a slight tremor
(      echoes      )
      through every joint
of my toy frame,
              like a thousand elfin voices talking
                      about your favorite foods,
                      and the color of your hugs.

    the tightening
muscles of my throat
        send their regards to your
amicable eyes

              2.5 is a smallish bird
when one observes
             the blue expanse of my ocean life
but it pecks my most tender tissues
                     when I sit [flat] inside Today.

I miss
      like
someone resized my skin

                                            incompetently.

though I am grateful
for your delicate absence
                      (the elusive Good deserves you most)

I feel as if
the petty bird’s wing tensions
        won’t be satisfied
with the look of my dappled shoulders
till you stroke them densely
with your matter-of-fact fingers.

The smell of cut grass, cigarettes, and vanilla malts will always bring you back

The other night sitting by the fire, alone, the smell of smoke and musty flannels, I could not resist remembering that bitter fall night

But that's just the thing.
I can't touch you, hear you, or love you anymore. And I'm not sure I'd want to anymore.

You've changed to much.

I have created a new you in my head. One who thinks about me and everyday, listens to the song coming home from work, and tears up, and searches my name on Google.

I know that's not true though, you've became like a different person. You don't think about me, you forgot about the songs. The hot, sticky, and humid summer nights yelling at each other through the teared screen door. you forgot about us at the counter in the no smoking area, smoking, drinking vanilla malts. I hated that I loved you and loved how much I would so often,
end up hating you.
I loved this love roller coaster. It was exceptionally thrilling.