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It's 4 pm and I haven't eaten yet.
Again.
I didn't notice.
Again.
This has been happening
Again.
When I love someone,
Really love them,
I need less.
I'm not kidding, I need less.
If I think of them, I am not hungry or thirsty or tired.
My body stops asking me for what it needs
Because of what my mind and heart are busy needing.
It's a mindblowing concept.
And I can tell you this:
It is 4 pm, and I have not eaten since 6 pm last night,
And I do not feel hungry.
When I get my plate of food in 15 minutes-
As I intend to, now that I've realized this-
I will not be hungry then either.
I have to be careful, when I fall in love.
This is why.
I stop needing things. I stop noticing.
It feels unsafe, it feels insane.
I haven't eaten in nearly 24 hours, and I feel no different at all.
It kind of makes me think a bit more seriously about that phrase,
"Love consumes you."
This girl,
With her magnetic eyes and her soft touch of a voice,
She's gonna be the death of me.
I murmured it into her hair the first time she kissed me,
"You're going to **** me."
I said it like a prayer.
Sometimes she says things
And the certainty bursts upon me all over again
That I'll be dead and buried, by this
Girl.
Her mind is like... like the way the lights reflect on the water at night,
So dazzling and fiery, so hard to capture or comprehend.
Sometimes she'll say something in a flash of light
And I will feel it hit the core of me
With a sound like thunder
And my heart will actually stutter in helplessness
And I'll think,
*This is it, this is the moment...
She's going to be the death of me
And I will die
Smiling
I suppose we’ll get drunk
Maybe that’ll drag me out of this funk
Of television screens and cheap food
An oh, so unforgiving mood

Fretting about the smallest things
Of raw chicken & bankrupt kings
Avoiding sentimental ties
I’ll settle with the unkempt lies
So many lines peel off my mind
Like the **** coating on a succulent clementine
You remind me of everything good

Hope abounds

And every sentence is with exquisite reason
Each word branches from the great waterfall in
Shimmering intent

It is not coincidence that we fit together perfectly in our hugs

Just a note, wavering softly in the darkness
A pure, beautiful sound
Open your heart, close your eyes
And let me breathe you in
What is there left to write?
There is nothing left for me to say, so why do I now need to write more than ever?
In a poetic sense I am blank, so do I just want to give the world a message?
Losing the numbness all around me has caused me some pain, but I am really happy too.
I can't help but just want to take in the world, looking out over the hill I live on to change my perspective.
I can't imagine a brighter sight than those lights of the city from this point.
I can't imagine a better place to be, other than with people who I could share it with.
My chest swells with anticipation just wanting to see everyone again, to claim the world over again as a happy person.
I can't wish pain on another person, yet I can threaten it with my friends, playful or serious, because I know that I don't have it in me to hurt them again.
I hope I can have the courage to step outside my bubble, and to help others do the same.
I want to be an inspiration to someone, whether it be by writing what I feel, just being a good person, or advancing my field of work whatever it may be.
I just want to make the world realize that pain is a part of life, and that people shouldn't hide from it.
Sure it may bleed you dry, but if you let it take your personality away the only thing you will have left is your interests.
Whatever the case may be in your life, needing pain as a reminder that you are alive, wanting someone to share your pain, wanting the world to know you are there.
It doesn't matter, you just need to live to get it done, you need to chase after everything you want with an ambition that you feel can't be matched.
You can slow down your life to help others along the way, whether it hurts anyone in the process is just their willingness to move on with life.
I want to help everyone, I want to care for the people with no one, because I have been there too.
I want to make the world an easier place to live in by helping people with the pain life brings.
There may be some who don't want help along the way, their pride hasn't been shattered by pain.
That is the time in your life where you build up the walls around your heart, keeping your ego and your pride up on the top shelf so no one can knock you off your high horse except yourself.
The only real way to stop yourself from becoming that horseman is to let people in, remember how the world feels.
Let yourself remember all the times you enjoyed your life, no matter how far back you may have to search there is something in there for everyone.
A life with no happiness found in any crevice hasn't tried to experience anything new.
They haven't explored what they may or may not enjoy, they can't fathom being happy for any reason except the end of their suffering.
Whoever has reached that state, where they can't even remember being happy in their lives just needs to start over.
No one should try and exist without experiencing some form of joy every once in a while.
Give someone a hug, ask someone for a hug, apologize for whatever, make yourself aware of your problem, whether you can identify the cause, or if you are just a mystery to yourself.
I can't stop these words from leaving me, I just want my message to the world to be seen by everyone who can understand that locking yourself away isn't worth the price of hurting everyone.
Locking yourself away can't be the answer, because if you lose the key, you can't ever make it back to the ones you love.
You can't ever love anyone else in your life, and you can just become lost in the pain that you made for yourself.
Eventually I see those people start to only be able to feel again when they abuse substances, or when they hurt themselves.
Which I know they don't want it, but they forgot what anything but pain has felt like, and they want a reminder that they aren't just in hell, they are living it.
People who are alone, whether they fear that loneliness or if they relish in it can't really learn to express how they feel.
I learned through watching other people, I became a mirror until I lost that numb feeling that consumed me.
I know how people think again, I can see who is sad by their eyes, and it pains me to see people hurt when I feel like I have the power to help them.
Most refuse me, whether it be fear of pain, lack of trust, or excessive pride.
I want to make the world a happy place with the acceptance of pain.
I want to make life easier for people, whether I love them, hate them, or don't even know them.
Can I write the whole world a song so I can help people move on, or will the lyrics fall short and leave the people in pain with more questions about why they are suffering?
I want the people in the world who are hurt to remember that there is someone there.
You just have to look up and see that outstretched hand.
You can't often see them because they are far away, so you have to take the first few steps to them on your own.
Yet now that you can see them, you recall they were always there, you want to apologize to them, but they just welcome you back to the world.
I want this for the world.
I want acceptance of pain, and relishing in joy to be things that everyone is capable of.
Even if you feel like you have been shoved into the dirt to live alone, you will always have someone there.
Whether you know it or not depends on if you want to see the person who is there to help you, or if you just want to keep a firm grip on your pride.
My message to the world isn't as long as it could be there is no way it will be seen by the eyes of everyone, but if you like my message, just pass it around.
Maybe we can help people out of their pain, and back into the lights of the world.
Maybe, just maybe, we can help the ones we love the most.
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