i wish it were you
saying you're sorry
over how you never loved me
the same way
i loved you
but it's not
it's me
i'm the one who's sorry
i'm sorry i was never good enough
sorry i never tried hard enough
or caught your eye
i'm sorry i wasn't as beautiful
as you would have wished
sorry i was too ugly inside
for you to love me
i'm sorry that no matter how hard
i tried
you never noticed
you never took interest
and never seemed to care
i'm sorry you never felt
the same way
as i felt
for you
i'm sorry
and it should be you
telling me you're sorry
that you never
loved me back
and put me through
all those years
of pain
tears
hopelessness
and
crushed dreams
because you never
ever
took notice in me
or were gentle
when it came to
my feelings
for you
but it's me who's sorry
sorry i was never
good enough
for you
and someday
i hope you
can forgive me too

Made to wonder,
What I wanted of life,
What it wanted if me,
Wanting more is good,
Appreciating what is had is too.
Lost in thought of what will happen,
It may be contemplated upon,
Letting the thought control one is futile,
Time occurs as a series of wins and loses.
A mess of living things.
On the edge of remembrance,
A photograph I saw,
It brought back memories,
Memories, memories
Of a me who feels like someone else.
I know it was me,
So I try to trace myself,
Back to when I was
In this memory of light,
Following myself to now,
I find I was never lost.
Past, present future,
Love, loss, regret,
Hope, happiness,
Simple, it has been so simple.
Made to wonder,
You’ll find, you’ve been at your best place,
All that ever mattered was being content.

7 billion people on this stupid earth,
The one I want I can’t have,
Even as it keeps spinning making me dizzy,
I realize there is nothing I can say to keep you to me,
I can only say why I love you so much and do with,
Trying to keep count of every moment when in my head you’re in,
I wake up to the thought of you and smile,
As the morning sun blinds my eyes,
Between the times I talk to you and not,
When the big bulb shines bright,
Happens a disturbance called life,
The day slips away into the night as you’re in a dream,
Things not of you melt away,
I linger on the edge of sleep as your memories make my heart beat,
In the dark whispers sound in my sleep,
Each beat is born of something I love about you,
Heartbeats tell their stories of how you steal them from me,
They want you close so the stealing would stop,
So there can be new life in me.

It is hard to describe how beautiful you look,
Harder still to capture it by my hands.
Yet, here I am closely following each line of your face,
Like taking it in for the first time,
Almost like falling for you all over again.

Such is the fate that defines,
I have all I need, not what I want,
I will still laugh it off,
Tell myself I’m not the only one lonely,
It happens to everyone sometime,
Then I feel to me it happens every other time,
Unable to hate everything despite being in silent misery,
I’m afraid I will get used to it,
Where the world doesn’t stop without you,
But it’s not the same as with you,
In glints of light I imagine your eyes sparkle,
But then everything I call beautiful,
Reminds me of you.

This object from high followed me
all evening. Sometimes, hiding behind
giant reeds shooting from the earth,
sometimes behind mist sprays.

The sea surging in the firmament
conceals it in her tresses now,
She who weeps her agony out
late every season in bereavement.

Her tears have filled up the valleys
on earth, with brackish waters.
Tonight the grilles that paint
the distance grey are wet by them.

I took a secret look, turning away
blushing on sudden reciprocation.
In the broken mirrors strewn
all over my lawn, it dunks winking:

ripples on the mirror, awash abashed:
light playing with shades of
delight, dejection, elation, suspension,
pulsation, susurration, salvation.