today should be one of those fun
mundane take the lords name in vain
again and again kinda days

there is an uneasy contentment
in knowing exactly what rock bottom looks like

it's like pre - gaming really hard
being way to drunk before you even leave
some people need to throw it all up
get it all out and let you know what they ate
others, perhaps the more important bunch
just need time

those aren't skinny jeans
she painted them on
just like her smile
and every other emotion she dawns

it starts with one
one touch
or glance
or voice heard
across a crowded mall food court

then it becomes two
two people
in sync
or harmony
or a hand-me-down car
with hearts convulsing and palms sweating

eventually it becomes zero
but we'll cross that bridge
never if god permits

she exchanged heartfelt hugs
with her friends and i had no clue why.
i wanted so bad for her
to just stand next to me one more time

i'm having trouble finding
a more suitable picture to
convey anonymity. sorry
you'll have to just accept that
this is me

i could
rhyme every word
it would
be absurd
but i could do it
to sound fluent
and appease
these more traditional fans
of poetry
a theme i'll never understand
it seems the mainstream
will always be a dream to me
so i'll stick to my style
and what i've learned
the quickest way to get
my misled emotions on paper
a little bit of obscurity
with a rhyme here and there
to keep myself aware
that i am mediocre at best

i hate you
splitting beds with me
spitting lies through teeth
gritted against other men beneath
your sheets, uncertainly
lack of self esteem. in me.
you never denied it
when i said you cheated

and then it hit me!
like a truck or something that hits hard
you are the fly
a figment of my imagination
manifested through lack of sleep
and surplus of cheap german beer

look how their eyes follow your every move
dead, judging eyes telling you you're wrong
their insolence rotting your bones down to the marrow
the lies you told
the things you stole
all reanimated in this
hallway of souls

feverishly i
check my inbox for any
sign you are still here

i found a home in your eyes
where i could remain til i die
the colors that surround us will be
as gorgeous as you are to me

i felt a breeze
for a brief, squeezing second
beneath the leaves
of fall, led to believe
you felt the same
and maybe nothing came
besides me
alone with my phone in the other hand

three days
since i last painted your face
without your grace
this whole place
is turned a darker grey
the way you say
you can't wait for may
to be gone, it's okay

home is where the heart is
that's the expression
the lesson in never forgetting
everything you've been blessed with
but memory is a funny thing
it's not always on your side
it doesn't always abide with the changing tides
sometimes it writes it's own rhymes
and flies it's kite way too close to the sky

i wanna die
straight up
earth undisturbed by me
paradise perhaps
i’ve search and can’t find
a solution more free
less expensive and freeing
thought the feeling was fleeting
but it’s diggin deep and planting seeds
it’s got feet
to stand on
unlike me
on my knees
the perfect ratio
of one death to one ****
don’t worry
i don’t think i really will

with filthy, unkept
bloodied hair draping his
gritty, weather stricken face
glaring through frozen
torn eyes that have gone numb
into the punishing sunlight
of the unfathomable wickedness
a question was chained to his
morality dragging it through
nostalgia and the unknown

sold all of my ****
at least in my head i did.
i want nothing to do with it
cause all of it feels like you

i’ll play make believe
at a pawn shop on university
i feel like the slate is clean
and now i don’t know what to do

despite everything
i've frivolously expended
you remain resilient
hang in there, little guy

i don't like romantic movies
because i know that the end
isn't really the end

Our love
is the dry sighs at dry jokes
at a high five at five in the morning
lacing dreams and subconscious snoring
no more exploring the subtle scores
if i’m boring, you’re boring
found a little soft sound brown couch cushion.

i relish these nights out
tongue and hands dance off
she smiled the lights out
*and my pants off

the curtains give this room an orange tint
I sit
cigarette lit
I told you I quit
but sleep soundly, on your pale moon,
as the second of two
bad habits I couldn't kick

you died upon that pedestal
because i wouldn't let you down
until you stopped being beautiful

my eyelids seem to be obese
yet tonight, under these sheets
i'll wait for sleep to find me
i gave up looking for it a while ago

there's a wall, standing alone
at the top of a mountain
eight thousand and one hundred
seventy three polaroids pinned to it
some of them still yet to be developed
you can't teach an old dog new tricks
i'd like to meet the old hopeless quitter who coined that phrase

rigid skyline
crossed T's and dotted I's
that wink at the night
inspite of what i know is right
i accept the invite
and wake up in the afternoon
my pockets light

my father lied on a bed of death
sicklied over with the ailments.
he had given up a long time ago
and now was waiting for it to takes toll
and when his finally breath spoke to the room
i was not there.
i was not able to bid him farewell
and express everything he meant to me
before he traveled to where ever
it was he was going.
probably heaven
it would be the lord's loss not to accept him.
i cried as his head rose with life
my eyes flooded with tears were diminished
as he whisper to me
that he couldn't leave
before he was finished
and then he was gone for good

embellishing my relevance
your eloquence is heaven sent
the aggressive postulant’s sentiment
flattered, yes. accept my dissent

can't we just be friends
no
i respond to my own frivolous inquiry

as i search to you
for answers, i find them
unfortunately, it's not what I want to hear

we walked through smog
and fields of unfamiliar flora
and something similar to rice
the judgement of korean farmers
failed to pierce the pure happiness
possessed in every tiny step you made
five fingers grasped firmly around one
and a cup full of cheerios

often i wonder
if i would know
when tragedy strikes
fight or flight
or cut my height
in half in defeat
would my knees become new feet?
would i just beg for mercy?

i'd like to think
that if one of my heart's share holders
was greeted by a gunman's greed
his devil commissioned deed
my name would be in the papers

there
a light pole looked back at them
from the top a hill
that's where you'll wait for me*
little did he know,
that's also where they would deliver his eulogy

i can see your castle walls
from my bedroom window
i've been hiding under the mattress
counting the lines in the corner
only to put everything in perspective

no matter how much you talk to him
*you'll always be the pam to my jim

inhale.
a pale pail
sent through the mail
exhale.
inside written in braille
the crucial details on a sail
and a crudely drawn picture of a whale
they were on sale
we were derailed from the start
but my next tale will not fail
to impale your ailing heart

you left me obsolete
to lie among the flip phones
and rounded tv's

i fall asleep tonight
with my ability to articulate this moment impaired
just know i had many good moments tonight
we were alone together
i don't know if you were alone with me
but i was definitely alone with you
thank god for auto-correct

turning bread into toast
peanut butter and jam
the part I miss the most
veraciously out of hand
I’ve been tying to slow it down
I’ve been counting through my breaths
distance found it difficult
to dwarf the pain that’s left