i've been waiting for this night
this very specific particular night
as long as i can remember
since i saw you in december
at first, i was surprised
when your head met my shoulder
and somehow your eyes met mine
it was probably just right place
right time but it felt so perfect
you are so perfect
i still hear your laugh
as everyone was more drunk than
you and i

evasive sleep
i’ve been awake since three
i pray the way i’m thinking of you
is the same you’re dreaming of me

blown beyond
but not between
believe in our best

everytime
it never fails
i wonder if you're this way with every guy you know
pleas tell me you're not

slave
to the skinny white
staying by the wall
all night

im sick of slamming
face first in drywall
crimson liquid dripping
now, my nose is a waterfall
those words ricochet without fail
when all you have is a hammer
everything looks like a nail.

in my indulgence
i dove inside
her scent of home
i felt justified
to be alone.

when she broke my stride
i tripped and fell
and i watched the scabs decide
which bones to reside in

there was a very, wise owl
and one day he spoke to me
he told me that approximately
350,000 people die daily
and today, you were not one of them
so shut the **** up

yo peep this froyo
no thanks that's a no-go
all i see is a jeep logo
in a cheap snow globe
stolen from a sleeping hobo
yo bro sooooo
you don't eat froyo?
or what.
holy ****

the impending ending in sight
together for one more night
i can't pretend to know
how the rest of the story goes
but i do know this was the best
weekend of my life

with the demeanor of a centipede
you intervene and impede on everything
interpreting what i mean
your sympathy is a foreign thing
i’ve never seen an evil being
be so in touch with what i’m feeling

make babies
into daisies
not crazies

i guess that's what happens
quick **** then cue the dancing
the game we play
before the sky is raised
i fall back
to my room
and go through
the routine like
i'm supposed to
despite how
close to you
i get keep these
feelings in the eyelet
of my shoes
miscues laced with
dreams of second chances
that won't come true

i'm sure it was exciting for you
i only wanted to feel something
the sequel is never as good
everything was sold at auction
cold cement my only friend

i never dared to call when you're asleep
another knife next to the card inside your sleeve
your laugh like cyanide everytime i tried to make you see
the darker half that conceivably convinced my wrists to bleed

sometimes i feel like that
like an extra in a movie
like i'm standing in the background
with a blurry faced stranger
making words just for
the sake of conversations
not really saying anything worth
hearing because there's no one
worth telling. there's so much *******
that is shoveled out in bulk, myself
not excluded from this club
it's impossible to know what's truly important

the waves keeping crashing
to make a sandscape kaleidoscope
despite the dashing young man
vanishing and politely asking
*stop

i've been having this problem
ever since i signed next to the X
superiors jealous
because my combover is the best

my dreams are outlandish and inscrutable
and in no way can they be interpreted
trust me, i've tried

i wish to be a faucet
the water my obnoxious wanting
as it falls i watch it
wash away your subconscious
and all the frivolous caution
you so obviously flaunted
i'm more like a kleenex
a tissue unworthy to be issued
in the box whispering pick me next
maybe being used is better than being kissed
abused but so cute til you scream
with your eyes you're dismissed
the others will be so confused
as i smile amongst hollow mountain dew
bottles and torn paper with glue
because you cry when you laugh too
i'll take what i can get

tripping on floorboards
the door tore open once more
if i could sing, i would
if we had wings, we'd soar
*let's get naked
and explore

my toes sweat inside the blanket
but far too cold on the outside
you couldn't fake it as a pirate
with the right line in your downtime
you couldn't take it

so you abandoned the ship
before they knew you were captain
then you handed me some ****
you said you got in the hamptons

i expected a mislabeled can
filled with tap water
i expected to hold hands
when i met your father's daughter
i expected stuffed animals
at the zoo
i expected so much less
and then i got you

let this page be my escape
let the paper make an umbrella
let it scare away the rain
let me only hit my pillow
and not a bottle full of pain
let me wake up in my own bed
let me feel less insane.

the stitches
a constant reminder
that fun turns to pain
a caricature of my life

i want a love that likes laying in my bed
wasting time but never losing tread
i want a love that can play me in pool
lose a game and then play it cool
(but in a cute way)

i want a love that will love me
when i’m too drunk and hug me
let me know that everything will be okay
let me know there’s another day
when this one’s done
and the rising sun
isn’t something to run
from but something to see beauty in

i want a love i can reciprocate
i want to be ready while i wait
for you to get ready for our date.
i want to love the way you hate
the toppings on our pizza
or how the Uber was late

i want a love the loves me
that feels the things above me
realizes I’m more than
my mental fallacies
and looks past all i am
to see what i can be

a doctors breath can mean a thousand words
i felt myself exhale and proud,
i think i sold it well
well…

the ending’s never easy as the lies we tell

there’s a street in arizona
that feels like candy cigarettes
and skate park days drenched in sweat
we always said
that’s where the **’s go
a chihuahua named jojo
a bozo that forgot to remember
all the moments that made me
me.

i saw them watching and thought
what a curse
they probably think they thought
of it first
but i've been leading this cavalcade
long before it had a hearse

can i sleep here?
soundly i would
and have divine dreams
hibernating on a hammock hung
from the corner of each eye
oh and darling, if i die
this exactly where i want it to happen

fragrant flavors of autumn
fallen leaves the flotsam
of summer. spelunking
and plunging into the aesthetic

it would be pointless
to piece this broken canvas
back together now

nostalgia is a bitter town
its playground once plagued
with tiny giggling clowns
now swings a somber gold
and sings a soliloquy of untold
stories pinned to a plywood crucifix
the building which housed books
that usurped the position of absent tutors
are now antiquated password protected computers
and the potholes mapped out on my bike tires
are now paved over and the roads are called liars

you asked if i had a window
i do but it only opens at the top
so people don’t jump out of it

boxer briefs



not boxers
not briefs
barely reached
the space for *****
call of duty
winnie pooh
oversized stained gray tee
shirt from an old team
maybe even summer league
half pint
ice cream
ben
and
jerry
and an entire bottle of irish whiskey

keep
me
asleep
the bones
play home
to a throne
where you sit
an endless pit
boys who lack wit
find themselves amidst
her critters and first aid kits
at the bottom of this
at the bottom of her world

i don't want to be around
for anything other than
to make you feel better
than you do right now

while i lay in bed, watching episodes
of the office for the seventh time
you and him stand in the mountains
firing a high caliber weapon
at silhouette targets that might as well be me

but i will wake up
on my own tomorrow
regretting everything

lift your chin, over encumbered soul
this is not the part where you quit
the townsfolk pray for you
the city folk prey on you

a spider in every corner
a crow on every street light
the golden sunset
its brazen rays on industrial style housing
the summer heat subsides this evening
and a breeze rides down, cool relief
in the land of the morning calm

you're only as drunk
as other people say you are

she's a dreamer
i can see it when she talks
her shadow couldn't keep her
from conversing with the stars
she became so far
out of my reach
the price of a peach

we watched a movie tonight
the interview isn't very romantic
but you sat next to him
slithering him who talks to you
the lies i would tell you with brutal truth
over his pronged tongue
with the lighFUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

you feel different, my love
you feel like remembering a password
you thought you forgot
pushing on the ceiling above
wishing it would all just cave in
maybe it’s the pavement i felt
erasing a welt, a bruise replaced
by embers just waiting to melt
my heart and my face
you pulled me away
from my personal hell