it's a little bit like
waiting for your mom to pick you up
and then you see her car
but it turns out to be someone else with the same car

with all due respect,
your unspeakable beauty
is being overshadowed
by everything else you do

i'd love to claim the name
of somebody a little less to blame
but it seems i'm scarred and mamed
for i attempted to tame a lion
that doesn't play the same game
it really is my own fault
for believing the flaws i saw
could be brought to a stop
dropped and rolled in salt
oh god, when you come across
the padlock to the box that contains
my demise i pray you give it a nod
and a wave as if to say you'll save it
for another day
and allow me to apologize
for trying to play...well, you

i set out to exercise
or exorcise the demons
of the weekend
they were sleeping
they thought they got away with it
what i found in the
earliest hours of the day
was the world glazed
over with golden rays
that say good morning
to the joy and love
and hate hiding in the shade
and scares them all away
as they disperse with the shadows

i believed in seeing candles
i paused to hear your breathing
flames that faint and flicker that way
don’t have the heart to burn through ceilings

i'm not okay
but it's easier to lie

a dream, it seems
a whimsical gleam
head and heart form a team
a tyrannical regime
with an evil scheme
an atrocious deed
teach your eyes to see
something just out of reach
it leaves you as you scream
on the edge of your seat
*please, let me keep it
it's all that i need

as i pace from this wall to that one
undone with this phone call
i sat, fun was gone and so were you
and you have no clue the solitude
discovered in discovering smothering
can be flattering when your mother
didn't do it enough. another media
for me to subliminally expand on
attention span drawn out and drawn on
i'm gone now a new dawn is sawing
the boards off the window

the message received
from mother to me
do you have a girlfriend
i laughed myself to sleep

this moment is screaming
for you to reach out and touch her
t-rex arms

i've never been a hunter
far too content to watch and wait
for the perfect opportunity
to do absolutely nothing

the sky rolls it's weary eyes
almost as if to say
he's watched me make the same mistake
day after day
and he's tired of seeing me fail

the impairment without the drunk
unconscious and subconscious all at once
a fleeting in-between of clarity
and feeling floated in a fog
in this space i meet the things left incomplete
and all their less familiar friends
like marbles underneath my feet

you sit under the sun
and the golden shine is one
with the beauty of your skin
and you don’t believe
how beautiful you are

all the flames and all the fun
you can’t deny the nights we’ve won
i wish to live forever here with you

too sober to feel
too drunk to feel
no in-between

i am making every attempt
to become more numb
to feel less
for all the darkness spent
the tip of my thumb
a spiders web

in clouds
calming down
climbing the walls
of the compound
louder now
but still,
without a sound
commence the countdown

i spent a day away
and after that, all i can say
is i felt the distance like a scab
itching for a hurt you never had

how tucking dumb of me to think my absence
would make your heart grow fonder
imagine my surprise when you found
delight at the sight of me underground

hello,
this is a letter
i write alone

he broke the harsh silence that had
weighed the most recent seconds down
like a ship's anchor and beseeched
why do you keep showing up unannounced?
giggled, shrugged and dispersed
her memory avoided his inquiry

so what will you do when you're dead
will you find someone else's bed
a softer place to lay your pretty head
a easier way to release a ****** day
or will you make it home again.

the sky lights up brilliantly and my eyes right the wrongs written for three weeks. the only piece keeping me on the street is my feet tattooed to the shadows and shoes. the only figure at the same altitude as my head will be my expectations. any doubts about us not wildin' out will be squashed when the bottle starts passing around. voices tell me that my choices will give me hell but my buddy Bud light, he'll yell back too loud to be drown out. senses weakened, we smoke beer and drink cigarettes til we sneak into cemeteries and the ghosts leak into our socks. we speak in shocking dialect that we'll regret when the sun is met by skyline but tonight we shine like the stars that nod their heads to the music of a good ******* weekend and this feeling, i hope i never lose it. love will be our beacon.

my timing is always wrong
i belong
to a select percentage
of men who consented
to a whole life tormented
by you

words are like the squiggle in your eye
just out of reach and then they wiggle
then they die

beyond the safe i thought i made
i found a place to ******* die

demons seeping into
my sleeping mind
the bleeding kind
the serene thoughts
deeply caught
fearlessly fought
tooth and claw
til he too was lost
fearfully sought
assistance from heart
a kindling to start
a fire to burn
a desire i deserve

suspended in a deepening cold
incessant, never ending
seeping into my bones
you begged me to let you love me
but it's safer to freeze alone

through the ring
and previous string
sewing together
these things i feel
a crestfallen sting
why repair what is
already rusted
why abrade soil
when it's already crusted
you found a home
for the words i entrusted
a corner in the ceiling
to one day be dusted

i can feel this rage making its way through the blood in my veins, white hot. incinerating every other thought or feeling my body might send in to calm and counteract this anger before it manifests into something more physically painful. it's too strong. there's too many factors investing in this fury and placing bets on the things of himself he'll destroy tonight. let's go, corona, we have a show to put on. what a shame it would be if we let these people down.

i don’t know what i want
but i think i know what i don’t
slowly lowered six feet deep
without a soul to see it

fist to cheek with a bouncer, dodging tabs
or stuck to a cedar stool
eye level with a rocks glass

dimly lit circle of chairs with strangers
sharing stories of some substance
and it’s dangers

christmas  with no gifts
and explaining to my son
why mom and i are taking shifts

these deepest fears feel like reality
and i know my life will lead me
to being slowly lowered six feet deep
without a soul to see it

beneath the golden iris
blue glare shared between
waves of a luscious green
more stars than i've ever seen
the beauty i can see
everytime you turn to me

all this time
and all i got

it’s all i am
not what you thought
but what you bought
not what you sought
distraught.

i was meant to be something else entirely
but i forgot.

my last mistake
will be to make
the women in my life
carry me in casket
to my grave
so that they can let me down one last time

when the sun set on this
tiny german town we set out
we were forced to believe
nothing could stop us
and there was no sadness
or anger or madness or danger
then the sun returned
making a liar of that
recklessly whispering liquor

underneath the thick layer of lust
exists a thicker layer of something more
i'm not like the others
he pleads
she doesn't believe
she hasn't for a while
she is too scarred to walk through the hallway
and open the door that contains what's true
i don't want to *******
he just wants to peel back the scabs

where asphalt meets paper mache hearts
i'll stand amongst the cattle with a loaded
deck of cards. at the corner of content and 35th
watch me make money off of people who
don't have it and laugh at cabbage patch
kids in their graphic deaths
their parents' massive debts is probably the problem

these shoes
were battered and bruise
far before my feet called them home

you hold my attention
for ransom, long after
you've walked away
your laughter lingers
dancing on my fingers
in a way that's so seductive
i forget everything i learned in school
whenever your name is mentioned
if only i was lucky enough
to be cursed with dementia

the highs, the lows, the overdose
the nights alone, the empty phone
i wish i'd know where this would go
i would have got off long before
it broke the wings i used to sore
and left my heart an open sore
you don't know what you're in for
hey, what's your favorite dinosaur?

minutes i'll never get back
have been contracted to a cat
erasing the possibility of being fired
i'm constantly tired and haven't had
a good moment in months
i often reminisce on the days
before i gave away everything
that made me me for a pair
of beige boots and a high fade
memories are usually accompanied
reluctantly hand in hand with questions
why am i really here
was it worth it
will i ever get a return on this investment
i'm pretty good with numbers
but no matter which way i cut it
the answer is on the inside of a magic eight ball

maybe i can do this
maybe this is a good fit
maybe i can glue a few
of these shards of broken mirror
together to make something new
reflecting.
good morning to you, too.

last night
a drunk man spoke
"it makes sense
if you make sense
of the things i'm saying"
in the moment
i didn't understand
but now
oh but now
i still don't

everything that comes out your mouth
comes in with autotune and reverb
repeat transmission. again.
i want to hear and believe
it's just hard to conceive
that someone like you could love someone like me

oh, how the floor boards creak
they screeched words like
ooooh this place is either haunted or old
and
yeaah you should be startled
but i'm not
i'm brave
i have the heart of a lion
you're my light in this cave

between your hips
licking and living
until i can’t feel my lips
is exactly where i want to exist

i have yet to decide
my favorite vice
they all taste like the same spices

she kept talking about larry david
it was destiny for me to give in

keep thinking you're never wrong
while you sand down your pedestal
to stand on, you'll stand alone