we sat in the cold
wet grass painting
the **** of my pants
the stars stared back
locked in a contest
at what point does late
turn into early?
this question resonates
too many meanings
for me to answer each one
individually
now
now
now

your. possessive.
you're possessed

it’s the discomfort
in the comfort drenched in sweat
i find so relaxing

ice against a lad’s legs
last mistake a crass shake
knees buckle and you’re *** quakes

still nestled in the night before
I dreamt of you driving
me wild

I could be better
But I could be dead
There’s a lot of things I wish I never said
I could be happier
But I could be mad
There’s things I never said that I wish I had

i feel this solipsistic need
to make you love me

it's still going
i stopped growing
scabs and started sewing
my wounds shut
she grabs at what
she thinks is love
and when it's not
it's tossed in a ***
with every other
thing she wants to be lost
*she wants to be lost

i hate seeing you
with them. we are good friends but
we should be best friends.

the incessant words
you find so necessary
they are not, **** boi

a defining moment
golden as it's rolled
in molten stone and
rose thorns
i'm torn apart but
can't be mad
i didn't see your horns
that's my bad

build this castle up high in the air
envision if one day the person or people
responsible for giving you life told you
there was no longer any expectations
or aspirations or goals to strive for
your parents don't want you to be a successful doctor
friends don't want you to be their giving tree
your siblings don't expect you to be some all knowing peacekeeper
you don't have to make anyone proud
you can't disappoint anybody
your one directive is to lie there and
enjoy the sunsets and sunrises
and low tides and high tides
you would be pretty **** happy too

22 years ago you bled for me
in the years that followed you led for me
never once have you fled from me
you would find yourself dead for me
before you would find me hurt
and for that i love you
more than words

deaf
dumb
lame
and ******* stupid
struck in the ***
*by a **** named cupid

what becomes the light
when the source is so sacred
yet so absent and an absinthe of fright
just beyond the clouds of human folly
volleying ideas off the wall
he trips on the same unanswered questions
they might as well be prayers

i want you to know that
everything i've ever wrote
is rotten to the core
ok? and i want you to know
that i want you more and more each day
and each said day is even more
beautiful when he wears your face
on his chest as a name tag
and if you're scared by a big mean dog
i'll bite him
and if someone tells you that you're wrong
i'll right him
and if someone says you're not that hot
i'll fight him

he walks watching like a hawk
for potholes he'll mark with chalk
for the next dude

soft, sweet
so curious
in my dreams
when i breathe
i hear it

i stood with my toes dangling
flirting with the disaster that could ensue
i confided in you that i write when i'm upset
you ask if there was something I could show you
*not here, not now
let's just wait this night out
in the comfort of not knowing
who i really am

a new sun’s lamenting golden rays
lay waste to cemented golden days
a fresh perspective levels everything
like laser beams careening  through yesterday
i realize now this is not
who i was meant to be

she lies with eyes
despising the skies
for their soaking surprise
and cataclysmic cries
under a canvas and metal stakes
hammering them with haste
so the wind won't blow it away
each missed stake a mistake
this great escape from the day to day
**was supposed to be fun

tonight
i may have fallen in love with a stripper

the siren calls out
each day we are reminded
why we are still here

blackout drunk and wrecked
a heartbeat felt in texas
a text, a match, a fire
a speck of ash that met an ember
and burned the whole casket

eager fingertips slipping
between the space where your hips
create a crevices against your jeans
and eventually finding those lips
oh, how your body crests on my eclipse
and finding pleasure like a photograph
sudden and immense and wet
i want to make you feel yourself again

it was so much easier to pretend
i didn't care when
*i didn't

sixteen sweaty sixty-something's
sitting around the sauna humming
mind numbing conversation
clever quips about the weather
whether it's just a trend
or an odd coincidence
tethered to a wheelchair
waiting to die
wondering why
amongst all these sweaty guys
not a single set of sinking eyes
not set sorely on teenage thighs
only mine, wide open and hoping
for something to **** this moment
of *******
no, phil, i don't *feel ya

i've always denied
the offered ride
i'm not sure why
perhaps it's pride
that makes me hide
and shy away
everytime i hear a stranger say
*hey, need a lift?

a steely-eyed stranger stole
the steamy headed anger
how can i be mad at frozen web browsers
when my minds full of aroused encounters

i don't believe in reflections
or the poisons that you're mixing
i do, however, believe that hobby
is just a fancy word for addiction

if i had been abused as a child
i would write about that
if i was a world war veteran
i would share stories of loss and pain
if i was a pirate sailing the 7 seas
i would sing songs of ***** and gold
if i was a **** selling dope by the dime
see "pirate"
but instead it's your guts spilling vicariously through my pen

wanna hear the secret
to having a perfect day?
don't try at all
and all will be okay

take a moment to save
the way we behave
take a moment to say
we're alive and okay
take a moment to crave
the things you deserve anyway
take a moment to slave
over friends through window panes
take a moment to portray
every feeling on a blank page
take these moments to the grave
because it's been way way way
too long since you've seen a day like today

i must be out of my ******* mind
the things you do are just divine
therefor my obsession is justified
*at least that's what my heart implies

a foreign feeling
a stranger lurking
myself in my own skin
my own evil smirking

are you serious?
****?

a wise man once sang
and the words uttered still remain true
*it's the freakin' weekend
baby i'm bout to have me some fun

she stood at the pool table
black shirt, black jacket, black pants
black happiness
but i saw a glow.
bright white, blinding almost
from the second she walked into
this modest german bar
sold out to service us.
i sat in the corner wishing i could think
of anything that would make her believe
i wasn't just another
finally we told lies together
of our birthplace "frankfurt"
according to witness accounts
witnesses being her only friend
with her on this tragic night for me,
i was too much like the last guy

Make me choke on those words
All I thought of was a mask
Despite the fact that
Even the wind was at my back

You thought that I forgot
Since the day I walked away
In the cold incessant autumn
Nothing left to pull my brain
     In the right direction
     If you miss it you’re not paying attention

she smiled
but it didn't reach her eyes
the weight of gold
and everything else inside

i’ll probably stumble to the driveway
before the stars are all done shining
find a place still open
where the locals are unwinding

i got a fresh pack and a pocket of cash
ready to spend my last check
on the first girl that looks my way
forgetting all the word she’ll say
doesn’t matter, we’ll be gone by day

i know a lot of people
upset with the way i’m living
but i’ve never been known
for making good decisions

my eyes meet your baby blue gaze
“nice to meet your face”, they say
my heart keeps a pace
adjacent to a train racing
to replace itself and sound and light
and if he attacks me
i hope it is not tonight

i watched a documentary today
about the rise
to fame
and fortune
and pride
then the violent drug-induced collapse
into an existential depression and
a shallow grave
family and friends joined along
concerned they all gather around
*you've been staring in this mirror
for hours now, please come down