i miss the days before the flood
when jokes were funny
when pockets held money
when mornings were sunny
instead of nose runny
tears corroding cheeks
deep canyons out of creeks
resentment when we speak
impaled on mountain peaks
stress is a disease
i miss the day we find a vaccine

the most precious stones
i've throw into the lake
to skip and wish to elevate
with nothing less than my love
as if that's ever been enough.

It's like when you can't tell
if a light is on or
it's just reflecting off another source

sometimes i've touched
sometimes i've felt
sometimes i've tasted
sometimes i've smelled
sometimes i hear
sometimes i feel
sometimes my mind plays tricks
sometimes it's real
sometimes you're never there
sometimes you won't leave
sometimes i'm a sceptic
sometimes i believe
sometimes it's blue
sometimes it's red
sometimes i've followed
sometimes i've led
sometimes i didn't have a clue
sometimes i knew
but one thing remains true
it's always you.

ghost kings in the fog
maintaining my momentum
in the monoliths

will you build a tower in my name
will every step to the top sing to you
will every broken window pane
invite chills down your spine
will you feel the rotten wooden handrail
and brush the cobwebs from the corners
will you see the stars when you arrive
will your eyes meet the ground
will you build a tower in my name

i’ll decide where my cyanide should hide
not surprised by grey clouds in the night sky
i’m tired of trying to define the outline
time to find a way to stop being me.

it’s beautiful
and tragic
destruction inside creation
the start of something wonderful
it is what i am supposed to become
its less uncomfortable than you believe

i want you to have everything
i want you to have all the smiles
and all the laughs
i want to build you a bridge that stretch for miles
and a bird bath
i want to senselessly steal from children to give you everything you need
and write even happier endings to every book you'll ever read
i want to take from the needy to give you everything you want
and for people to call us greedy for the jewelry you flaunt
i want to give you everything from the east coast to the west
and everything outside of that but only the best
i want to wage war so all you'll know is peace
if my heart was a castle gate i would give you the keys
i want to place you high on a throne of golden bones
to ensure my arms are the only home you'll know

with every wisp and tail
flickering and disappointing
littering the air with kissed feelings
my sleepy eyes succumb
to shade and lack there of
the flinting glimpses of whisks
my bones are numb

you're* the thing i wanted
not the thing i needed
the way your eyes could ****
one day you said you loved me
           but unfortunately,

foundation giving away
i am surrounded by dirt
falling helplessly grasping
reaching out for roots
and getting nothing in return
but worms and soot.
sometimes the ground we stand on
would rather swallow every foot

there isn't an inch of skin
on this worn down body
that isn't stricken with pain
scabbed over and gaudy
with every motion i shout
and doubt my convictions without
knowing anymore what they're really about
i see a door called death and it seems
the easiest way out

cloaked in immense difficulty
the things i really wish i could write
i don't feel much outside of the drumming
the things i do feel are too real
i've always been better at running

i want to build a castle
that will house all the arousing
words you throw around without
knowing where any of them are going
now you leave me no doubt
that your blouse will have found
it's own way to the ground
by the end of the night

i thought i would miss you more
finding peace in realizing my independence
left foot still trips on the steps but it’s wet
so i like to pretend it’s coincidence

i'm lying to everyone
rather be drunk than loved
yeah sure i've been taking my meds
i've been getting to bed
and there's not as many
voices in my head

they are all so blatantly vile and proud of it in a way i'll never understand.
i don't even know how to combat it anymore.
they accept ownership for every aspect of their unfortunate existence.
kurt travis spoke the truth
we are indeed all so full of ******* ****

you left a crease inside my jeans
everything’s less scary than it seems
maybe the ends justify the means
but i still see strangers in my dreams

what a wonderful afternoon
i stood underneath til fingers began to prune
my name is not being called
and my phone's not vibrating
there's chills down my spine
and my pupils are dilating
my skin soaked wet
as the water met
my sore shoulders
eradicating sweat
i'm not done yet
embracing the stream
i hate this ftx
it was merely a dream

the cherry sky laughed
it was a beautiful laugh
but only for you

even darkness is asleep beyond my window
everyone but me, **** of the joke
i felt warmth once
and maybe this will feel like that
every word in every poem
inside my mind is growing, swollen
my knuckles glowing white in anticipation
of the credits rolling

my ears begin to burn a bright red
like the leftover embers from someone's
beach front campfire
narrow eyes and paranoid mind says to me
*someone's talkin ****

i am only an idea
to perch and take flight
without so much as shifting
a single barren twig

there's mold and dust
what was golden once
now cold and rusted
entrusted with fifth grade kisses
a list of lost kittens and *******
the bed at an unreasonable age
locked away
in a cage
in a cave
in a wave
of soda exploding
opening a lethal dosage
of emotion and
friendship is born again

i don't want to care
unfortunately, i do
you're still there
i love you, too.
stop saying that
stop calling me pet names
stop saying that
you're the one to blame
stop saying that
stop talking

i'll name this laziness ADD
he will justify my inability to get **** done

I know there’s a problem
This is not who I want be

i hope i see you tonight
and when i do
i hope i'm drunk enough to play it cool
but sober enough to remember your face

you, who arrived at my heart's yard sale
on some magnificent beast of
compassion and understanding,
bought everything in sight
and made me the richest man alive

i've come to the conclusion
we live a disengaged illusion
there's three types of people
those who have conversation
on social media
those who have conversation
about social media
and those who just have conversation
i'm not sure which one frightens me more

some people don't see it
the beauty that lies underneath
it's rough and beaten exterior
the art that grows like grapevines
behind walls of over-compensation
and masculinity and in some cases
but certainly not all, misled homophobia
i enjoy football because
it was one of very few shared interests
between me and my father
so reluctantly i'll admit that the fourth wall
could be built from deep seated daddy issues

i didn't even get her name

why the **** do you want to be friends all of a sudden?
what kind of ******* fool do you take me for?
maybe you're trying to get close
so you can memorize my strategies
and use it against me.
or did you just want to show off the
stupid giant ******* teddy bear you won
well congrats, i hope it animates and kills you in your sleep

i love every stupid joke you tell
all your quirky punch lines
bringing me closer to shore
even the ones i don't get right away
because they soar high above my head

it's hard to find anything these days
in a world where it seems everyone is so
happily engaged to be engaged

***** sheets
nights on repeat
lack of sleep
excess energy
my own enemy

intertwine
like the the aliens from avatar
or two dwarf stars
in a telescope from afar
or two violently colliding cars
of which both drivers lost all control

the list of things i wouldn't do
is shorter than the list of things i would do
to see you happy as a ******* clam

the frames sit uneven
on my face
on the wall
on the memories
fist fighting to feel nothing
everything is wrong
from every angle

they say what doesn't **** you
makes you stronger
this sentiment may be true
but i can no longer
pretend i'm not impaled
and transformed by trials and tribulations
into a replica, made to scale
of my former self
abbreviation

i climbed the trees
and swung from the branches
i identified the enemy
and assumed a defensive stance
i absorbed their blows
and added them to my collection
i glanced through blood and sweat
and saw it was merely my reflection

hey
man
relax
he said

the
cops
are on their way

pay
the
fine
i try to comply

but end up in the newspaper instead

i’ve been daydreaming of you
a dark cup of feeling enthused
your soft lips on mine making me
awake at night when i should be
sleeping, maybe it’s meant for us
maybe i just don’t get it
maybe i’m still alone

my mother didn't raise no quitter
cupid has one less arrow in his quiver
but every weekend you float the river
and sell your liver to the highest bidder

i am frozen water
you sway in every way
you can to keep at bay
the rays the sun displays

glass on glass
shattered saturdays
past of gladly laying
on the couch, watching football