i have felt the asphalt against my face
i have prayed and then played the same game
i have made friends and in the same breath
replaced them with an empty space
and in the hopes of status or capital gained
i have laid in wedlock against soft lace
and felt infidelity’s bittersweet embrace
i have  sinned in the face of grace
and i only wish i had taped it

it's always been her fear
of inadequacy that distracts her
she can't get passed the anxiety
to pursue her passion
she would rather stand asleep
she's that last to see
that she might be exactly
what this planet needs

something spanish stutters on our most sentimental silence
A road ribbed on both sides with violence
Finds its place inside its high tide and watching suns set
Like guns sent where nuns went
The feet in shoes on boards on wheels
The street in blues encore on orange peels

feet making love to the pavement
as the stars above make a statement
telling us we should go home
but oh no, the night's too young
and the alcohol is too strong

we walked back
four miles up hill
we almost got lost in the thrill

if birds were trees
would they be cannibals
if i won the lottery
i'd invest in danimals
i wonder what kind of
toilet paper the pope uses
let's travel inside the mind of
a man of many excuses

the sussuration of life outside my window let's me know i'm still alive. 'took the dive', it's been described less eloquently from time to time. the murmur of the wind in conversation that never ends with the whisper from the trees 'til mr. winter eats their leaves. but i survived, i mean just look at me. alive and took a drive, packed the car five stories high with all the people, places, things and love i would've left behind. from now on, i decide.

you produced a pocket
like a pint sized puppy nuzzling
into the bed space between my legs
puzzling how so afraid i laid and ran away
all in the same frame

i lost my edge along the way
sanded down to a subtle gray
saturated, the colors drain out
until the day i blow my brains out

i'm losing it
trying too hard
this beach house
is overcome with waves of praise and solipsistic rage

daybreaks
as the fluids fade
i feel alone again

live in it
with it
inside it

you drink champagne from a wine flute
but only on occasion
maybe socially, it makes you someone
people want to talk to
i drink beer
alone
at home
watching you

fiberglass on lips
ice cube on your ****
liquor in the moment
just remember to forget

i only want to hear the words you write
i thumb through this mess of mistaken identity
and spilled guts that i truly appreciate so much
but there's a heart i want to explore inside
and you're the only one

**** these hands
that demand a hand to hold and
this heart that folds for nothing more
than something slightly more than cold

she seemed to feel the need
to be pretty drunk
to sleep in your bunk
she must not like you that much

breathing even feels distant now
a smog of hissing remembrances of incidents
i wore a fools hat and pranced and danced
and pretended it was happen stance
a lack of loving anything for so long
became the reason i could not love at all

i had a dream
and the only reason i could believe
it wasn’t real is that you were with me

everything is vibrating again
bleeding blood through another weekend
drenched in sin and emotional dividends
what i lack in love i make up for in vices

standing on the narrow stairs
painted walls to match your hair

standing in the scent of dust
damaged walls to match your trust

standing only inches apart
a vibrant warmth to match your heart

standing there despite ourselves
you and me and nothing else

this is so much bigger than you and i
a view of the sky
a difficult sight to find
the only prerequisite being that you stand outside

my hand cramps
as my sanity scans
the sand for strands
of the aforementioned man

as the years unfold
common sense has told
that if the bread
you hold has mold
on the edge
it should not enter your face
but the trash can instead
but common sense *****
and i want a sandwich

like ivory split on wooden planks
she whispered to the cloud
thanks
for watering the plant
from the very seeds she planted

we dwell
under swollen
ocean tides
like molluscs hide
a notion
comprised
of insecurity
your purity
like lightning shines
but not the frightening kind
a flicker of hope
where bloated bellies float
til they explode
we'll hold close
to everything we own
for that's all we'll ever know

the days keep getting longer
i’m in bed before the sun
i tried to escape my hunger
but there’s nowhere left to run
if i could be the hunter
i think that might be fun
swinging at the thunder
but i’m a bullet without a gun

the weather is getting nicer
as we stay up later and the sun
won't set until we're done
being sober. he says goodnight
and sinks beyond the skyline
i think i can manage a couple more drinks
in my mind there's not enough
to make me forget

wake up to the german sun
you might say son, it's all the same one
but i'm no dunce, i know the sun
we've had fun, we were friends once
then i moved away from the states
that made me stay the same and changed

now all i see is his brother
who shines a billion different shades
Of homesick

my head is a lava lamp

listen to the pilot
my brain started a riot
violent and vibrant
colliding with the quiet
mind beside me, hiding
lying on the tile
rivalry inside a missile silo
single file through the aisles
all the while you sit and smile
you did it

his name was something
i can’t recall
but we spent a whole night
playing pool, 9 ball

overhead lights hazed blue
chalk on my cue
made a shot or two
watch his turn from a stool

next game, someone called
maybe we'll play a split
it doesn’t matter who won
we were infinite

i sneezed and my eyes watered
and it felt good because it was the closest i could get to crying despite the demons hiding and flying and the dark clouds colliding
thunderstorms with no chance of precipitation
i want to cry but can’t for the life of me
the faster i run the thinner the air becomes
it’s so hard to breathe and everyday i feel less like myself, a shell and everything i hate is the pearl inside being pressed and designed with hopes that one day it’ll be worth something
i’m jealous of the night sky because even in its darkness, even behind its clouds there’s still stars that shine

that there is someone out there for everyone
is the greatest lie we choose to believe

like a sugar coated table saw blade
serrated and waiting which my heart evades
as it stands up and shouts repent
i apologize, in the name of self defense

when each cheddar fry
tastes better than the last
and each song on spotify
reminds you of the past
not the bad parts, the ones that spend a discounted rent to live in your heart
you invite the sunshine
and the cool spring breeze
and they show up hand in hand
with diamonds in their teeth
that's when you'll see
you're okay

Well, I know
I thought about cold toes on linoleum
Insincere notes on a podium
Loving them after you scolded them
Sent to bed but still on wooden steps
Telling stories of policies left unsaid
The qualities of bread

it's crazy
everytime i wake up expecting not to see you
after seven months, i can finally feel you
and maybe in a way i kick myself
this independence day
how was i supposed to know you felt the same
when we were both so good at hide and seek

whether you steel or iron
either way you'll have some fresh *** clothes

there's these memories just floating
around like puzzle pieces that have
been cut into smaller puzzle pieces
each piece now a puzzle in and of itself