i only want to hear the words you write
i thumb through this mess of mistaken identity
and spilled guts that i truly appreciate so much
but there's a heart i want to explore inside
and you're the only one

**** these hands
that demand a hand to hold and
this heart that folds for nothing more
than something slightly more than cold

she seemed to feel the need
to be pretty drunk
to sleep in your bunk
she must not like you that much

breathing even feels distant now
a smog of hissing remembrances of incidents
i wore a fools hat and pranced and danced
and pretended it was happen stance
a lack of loving anything for so long
became the reason i could not love at all

i had a dream
and the only reason i could believe
it wasn’t real is that you were with me

everything is vibrating again
bleeding blood through another weekend
drenched in sin and emotional dividends
what i lack in love i make up for in vices

standing on the narrow stairs
painted walls to match your hair

standing in the scent of dust
damaged walls to match your trust

standing only inches apart
a vibrant warmth to match your heart

standing there despite ourselves
you and me and nothing else

this is so much bigger than you and i
a view of the sky
a difficult sight to find
the only prerequisite being that you stand outside

my hand cramps
as my sanity scans
the sand for strands
of the aforementioned man

as the years unfold
common sense has told
that if the bread
you hold has mold
on the edge
it should not enter your face
but the trash can instead
but common sense *****
and i want a sandwich

like ivory split on wooden planks
she whispered to the cloud
thanks
for watering the plant
from the very seeds she planted

we dwell
under swollen
ocean tides
like molluscs hide
a notion
comprised
of insecurity
your purity
like lightning shines
but not the frightening kind
a flicker of hope
where bloated bellies float
til they explode
we'll hold close
to everything we own
for that's all we'll ever know

the weather is getting nicer
as we stay up later and the sun
won't set until we're done
being sober. he says goodnight
and sinks beyond the skyline
i think i can manage a couple more drinks
in my mind there's not enough
to make me forget

wake up to the german sun
you might say son, it's all the same one
but i'm no dunce, i know the sun
we've had fun, we were friends once
then i moved away from the states
that made me stay the same and changed

now all i see is his brother
who shines a billion different shades
Of homesick

my head is a lava lamp

listen to the pilot
my brain started a riot
violent and vibrant
colliding with the quiet
mind beside me, hiding
lying on the tile
rivalry inside a missile silo
single file through the aisles
all the while you sit and smile
you did it

his name was something
i can’t recall
but we spent a whole night
playing pool, 9 ball

overhead lights hazed blue
chalk on my cue
made a shot or two
watch his turn from a stool

next game, someone called
maybe we'll play a split
it doesn’t matter who won
we were infinite

i sneezed and my eyes watered
and it felt good because it was the closest i could get to crying despite the demons hiding and flying and the dark clouds colliding
thunderstorms with no chance of precipitation
i want to cry but can’t for the life of me
the faster i run the thinner the air becomes
it’s so hard to breathe and everyday i feel less like myself, a shell and everything i hate is the pearl inside being pressed and designed with hopes that one day it’ll be worth something
i’m jealous of the night sky because even in its darkness, even behind its clouds there’s still stars that shine

that there is someone out there for everyone
is the greatest lie we choose to believe

like a sugar coated table saw blade
serrated and waiting which my heart evades
as it stands up and shouts repent
i apologize, in the name of self defense

when each cheddar fry
tastes better than the last
and each song on spotify
reminds you of the past
not the bad parts, the ones that spend a discounted rent to live in your heart
you invite the sunshine
and the cool spring breeze
and they show up hand in hand
with diamonds in their teeth
that's when you'll see
you're okay

Well, I know
I thought about cold toes on linoleum
Insincere notes on a podium
Loving them after you scolded them
Sent to bed but still on wooden steps
Telling stories of policies left unsaid
The qualities of bread

it's crazy
everytime i wake up expecting not to see you
after seven months, i can finally feel you
and maybe in a way i kick myself
this independence day
how was i supposed to know you felt the same
when we were both so good at hide and seek

whether you steel or iron
either way you'll have some fresh *** clothes

there's these memories just floating
around like puzzle pieces that have
been cut into smaller puzzle pieces
each piece now a puzzle in and of itself

i’ll admit that i
have never been the type
to avoid being crucified
i’ve always been the one
to just shut the **** up

and me, deceiving me
so convinced that it’s bravery
a selfless act drenched in chivalry
the crimson handprint worn
proving i’ve never deserved much more

how do i walk away?
i’m collecting sediment
far to heavy to shift
whenever i try to run
i've always been so sentimental
so i trip and eat ****
lips and teeth rip
spittin blood red ****
train wreck, mayhem
can’t tell, me him
you her they them
cut at the stem

like a doctor's list of patients
with obsessive compulsive disorder
filed alphabetically over and over and over

i hope they know me like you did
but they won't
i wish they could hide like you hid
but they don't
i tried to breathe in the wind
but i choked
i wish i didn't drink six
but i joked

it is like a fistful of barbed wire
to pull myself out of lava

there is a very expensive problem with you

the cold has become
less like needles in my skin
more like fuzzy ear muffs
i haven’t forgotten
i stopped nodding off
during the lessons
i’ve gotten more attentive
to my own intentions
and things that draw my attention
not to mention, i maintained the heart
in my possession

i'm trying so hard to keep up
please believe i am
but the way you move is like lightning
within millionths of a second
striking the ground and caressing
every rain drop on your way down

there was a quaint town
the bricks laced with ecstasy
burned it to the ground

you feel an empty heart
beating in the street
and thinks it’s me
reflecting specters
in your speech
if lacerations couldn’t speak
then maybe we
could wake these shaking bones
in our sleep

my toes crawl til the ***** of my feet ache
in all the tales told of hero’s and their hearts break
seconds hand just a second off making heat take
it’s place and release a cold crease now a plea ‘s made
for satan to wait a minute before he rakes
the lives of ones we love and all seems break

her best ****
was half drunk
fully clothed
in the front row
of a strangers
disco funeral

you take your coffee sweet
vanilla latte with stevia
you treat me like concrete
as i dream of you biting my sheets

erecting the walls
knowing the ones who travel
to knock them down
and more valuable than the ones who only call

the paralleled walls
that the spiders dance along
crawling to the song
playing just before the dawn
under the shimmering sneaky sky
eyeballs glaring allow the sun to rise

it's a bad morning
for battling things borrowed
you'll have to try again tomorrow