like a doctor's list of patients
with obsessive compulsive disorder
filed alphabetically over and over and over

i hope they know me like you did
but they won't
i wish they could hide like you hid
but they don't
i tried to breathe in the wind
but i choked
i wish i didn't drink six
but i joked

there is a very expensive problem with you

it is like a fistful of barbed wire
to pull myself out of lava

the cold has become
less like needles in my skin
more like fuzzy ear muffs
i haven’t forgotten
i stopped nodding off
during the lessons
i’ve gotten more attentive
to my own intentions
and things that draw my attention
not to mention, i maintained the heart
in my possession

i'm trying so hard to keep up
please believe i am
but the way you move is like lightning
within millionths of a second
striking the ground and caressing
every rain drop on your way down

there was a quaint town
the bricks laced with ecstasy
burned it to the ground

you feel an empty heart
beating in the street
and thinks it’s me
reflecting specters
in your speech
if lacerations couldn’t speak
then maybe we
could wake these shaking bones
in our sleep

my toes crawl til the ***** of my feet ache
in all the tales told of hero’s and their hearts break
seconds hand just a second off making heat take
it’s place and release a cold crease now a plea ‘s made
for satan to wait a minute before he rakes
the lives of ones we love and all seems break

her best ****
was half drunk
fully clothed
in the front row
of a strangers
disco funeral

you take your coffee sweet
vanilla latte with stevia
you treat me like concrete
as i dream of you biting my sheets

erecting the walls
knowing the ones who travel
to knock them down
and more valuable than the ones who only call

the paralleled walls
that the spiders dance along
crawling to the song
playing just before the dawn
under the shimmering sneaky sky
eyeballs glaring allow the sun to rise

it's a bad morning
for battling things borrowed
you'll have to try again tomorrow

these boots are caked with dirt
i see a morbid lake where a monster lurks
working to maintain his veil of secrecy
a sea of things we never want to see
an ocean of uncertainty

there's this place i know
where it snows elegant white
where the graceful glow gallivants
with dangerous defiance in night.
to draft correspondence is criminal
and would force their hand
to eradicate infected people like myself
this place is anywhere you and i
share words and air

the airfield is calling
but not before i've fallen gracefully
against my will on and through the hills
of baumholder and dripped every bit
of sweat that wet the night before
we'll sit, love struck punched drunk bored
snoring in a tent while others open vents
not a dollar spent because there's
no where to spend it
yet there's a feeling of something more
a longing that didn't linger before
i hate my job

waiting for responses
despondent correspondence
doctrine traditionally dictates dialogue
a little less lack luster
i pray i can make a statement
with at least every other word i muster

i'm very aware
of the more romantic path
right now, i don't care

someone mistook my
lacoste for axe or old spice
i was offended

breath expelled
cake sales excelling
on this day
and an old flame ignited
shock and awe in the faces
of patrons, warranted excitement
is stained by stagnant relationships
in places spaced by millions of paces
miles and miles away

these diabetic dreams
won't sleep until they've devoured
every sweet word you say

all i have
is all you don't want
it haunts me
it taunts me
i flaunted everything
and i flaunted everything
and i flaunted all i've got
and all i got was a naked wall
and a blood clot
stating at the back of my thoughts
i think
maybe
yes i do
still have a spot reserved for you

Why, O Lord,
In your wisdom that knows no bounds,
Must you architect man's hands
To not penetrate with ease
Onto the narrow cavity of thy cheez-it box?

you ever have one of those days
where everybody is in your way
and everytime you hear someone say
"hey, are you okay? you look ******"
you get the urge to rip off their ****
and be them with it..
yeah well it's been about a week now

i really want to believe that it was
legitimately used at some point to
solve conflicts between opposing armies
that would justify so many of my own emotional reactions

suffocating
love’s faded
waited days and days
placated misplaced rage
displaced into this place
ran out of disk space
to save the memories

like pencil lead on scratch paper
scratched that but a tad later i
stenciled dad or divine savior
pancreatic cancer for hard labor
****** barracks room and beatsaber
keep safe in states
united to sleep with cheap skates
carolina reaper states the heat flavor
all my dreams on a piece of paper
scratch paper..

we could call this chapter silhouette
it slips beneath the stairs at night
and in the morning, wakes up abruptly
without warning
without a blanket
without anything
wearing my monday best
she rolls over and whispers
with lips like an anesthetic
*if you don't die
then i might

sweat caked skin and lion mane
the barber shops not open on weekdays
at least it feels that way
who takes a two hour lunch break

something's here are so hard to get
******* **** i need a cigarette

i was busy all morning
organizing thoughts
and upon completion
i dropped the box

tingling toes tell the tales of my woes
so self aware with my laser set to stun
i’ve always known, it’s just the way it goes
under the gun and staring into the sun
i thought i won but i’m the first one drunk
on spider webs weaved and spun
my mind as stagnate as the wind around the sun
my thoughts have begun to run on my *****
hunched over failure or lack there of
with nothing left inside my lungs

i have this ringing in my ears
and wicked sprinkle on my tongue
today's just one of those days
that i don't care about anyone

one man's dance
is another man's seizure

idk *** u want from me

she hung, crucified if you must
she died and then was brought back to life
they'll call it witchcraft
they'll never believe us
*what if we told them your name was Jesus?

people like us
think the same things
the same way
and sometimes
at the same time
it's the nature of being lost
together in different minds

we all share directions
so that one day we might make it back
we don't need your corrections

i saw it through tears
in the rear view mirror
i migrated to the great south
at the ripe age of ten
a heavy heart and impressionable mouth
it wasn't long before i picked up a pen
i'd love to write about home
but it's hard to know what that is
when you were living on the road

i’m allowed to feel things too
said the turtle from his shell

and so another night drinking alone
another reminder of a broken home
finding myself like a four leaf clover
i'm so ******* glad valentines day is over

the least appropriate
cornucopia of emotion
smothered in gestures
less love than lust
and gusts of envious
rust shaken off these robot bones
i guess it’s not for everyone

leave
and never come back
for your protection
i'm a dirtbag

welcome to delusion, sir
your seat is right this way
we've been expecting you
we knew you'd be here one day