i'm very aware
of the more romantic path
right now, i don't care

kindly whispered
the pale night's sun
*go to sleep, delusional one

the stitches
a constant reminder
that fun turns to pain
a caricature of my life

she exchanged heartfelt hugs
with her friends and i had no clue why.
i wanted so bad for her
to just stand next to me one more time

make babies
into daisies
not crazies

smelling glass with a fist full
of metal memories so heavy
and dense dropping segments
creates dents in the floorboards
message sent but what do i repent for?

there is a very expensive problem with you

i relish these nights out
tongue and hands dance off
she smiled the lights out
*and my pants off

the frames sit uneven
on my face
on the wall
on the memories
fist fighting to feel nothing
everything is wrong
from every angle

three days
since i last painted your face
without your grace
this whole place
is turned a darker grey
the way you say
you can't wait for may
to be gone, it's okay

i didn't even get her name

i saw them watching and thought
what a curse
they probably think they thought
of it first
but i've been leading this cavalcade
long before it had a hearse

they are all so blatantly vile and proud of it in a way i'll never understand.
i don't even know how to combat it anymore.
they accept ownership for every aspect of their unfortunate existence.
kurt travis spoke the truth
we are indeed all so full of ******* ****

rainbow motion tongue
painting the sky of my lips
on the ground exists a pessimist
his name crossed from invitation lists
three decades spent amidst
his failures, never more content
each sad, wool cob web meant
success for someone devil-sent.

i like lo-fi
she whispered under sunrise breath
in agreement, i spent the remainder
of the morning soaring into heaven

today should be one of those fun
mundane take the lords name in vain
again and again kinda days

an empty space
like snow on a canvas
resting memories
cracked and broken face
pulled away from embrace
my own worst enemy
i feel everything you spit on me
like a fuzzy television
frozen in place
i wish i could destroy
the ice in my veins
let me flow through me
crystallized in place
with no escape

i have this ringing in my ears
and wicked sprinkle on my tongue
today's just one of those days
that i don't care about anyone

in my indulgence
i dove inside
her scent of home
i felt justified
to be alone.

when she broke my stride
i tripped and fell
and i watched the scabs decide
which bones to reside in

these shoes
were battered and bruise
far before my feet called them home

often times i've tried
to make cigarette and regret rhyme
but the irony and cliche
collectively became far to heavy to hold

a steely-eyed stranger stole
the steamy headed anger
how can i be mad at frozen web browsers
when my minds full of aroused encounters

there’s a street in arizona
that feels like candy cigarettes
and skate park days drenched in sweat
we always said
that’s where the **’s go
a chihuahua named jojo
a bozo that forgot to remember
all the moments that made me
me.

every opportunity
wasted

people like us
think the same things
the same way
and sometimes
at the same time
it's the nature of being lost
together in different minds

we all share directions
so that one day we might make it back
we don't need your corrections

i’ll decide where my cyanide should hide
not surprised by grey clouds in the night sky
i’m tired of trying to define the outline
time to find a way to stop being me.

a doctors breath can mean a thousand words
i felt myself exhale and proud,
i think i sold it well
well…

the ending’s never easy as the lies we tell

hello,
this is a letter
i write alone

i will fixe my gaze
the repairs are underway
stanchions and cables all gave way
support beams caved under the strength
the weight of love made them break
to be fair, they were rusted and
stripped of the brilliant paint
that made pedestrians stop and stare
and wait for someone else to see them there

evasive sleep
i’ve been awake since three
i pray the way i’m thinking of you
is the same you’re dreaming of me

i saw the fireworks
and i felt the lightening from it
everything around it so quiet

i am the firework
and i bleed lightening
everything around me so frightening

everything is vibrating again
bleeding blood through another weekend
drenched in sin and emotional dividends
what i lack in love i make up for in vices

standing on the narrow stairs
painted walls to match your hair

standing in the scent of dust
damaged walls to match your trust

standing only inches apart
a vibrant warmth to match your heart

standing there despite ourselves
you and me and nothing else

i'm trying so hard to keep up
please believe i am
but the way you move is like lightning
within millionths of a second
striking the ground and caressing
every rain drop on your way down

tired of sending texts
the sentiments resemble
sorry i meant to hit you back
i guess i must have got distracted
lost track of hours
and days
and months
and lost the thought of what you last said
meds or death or coping strats
whatever just to get me back

there's these memories just floating
around like puzzle pieces that have
been cut into smaller puzzle pieces
each piece now a puzzle in and of itself

last night
a drunk man spoke
"it makes sense
if you make sense
of the things i'm saying"
in the moment
i didn't understand
but now
oh but now
i still don't

can't we just be friends
no
i respond to my own frivolous inquiry

Make me choke on those words
All I thought of was a mask
Despite the fact that
Even the wind was at my back

You thought that I forgot
Since the day I walked away
In the cold incessant autumn
Nothing left to pull my brain
     In the right direction
     If you miss it you’re not paying attention

i wanna die
straight up
earth undisturbed by me
paradise perhaps
i’ve search and can’t find
a solution more free
less expensive and freeing
thought the feeling was fleeting
but it’s diggin deep and planting seeds
it’s got feet
to stand on
unlike me
on my knees
the perfect ratio
of one death to one ****
don’t worry
i don’t think i really will

now that this chapter is over
i should start on the next one
but.

i'm lying to everyone
rather be drunk than loved
yeah sure i've been taking my meds
i've been getting to bed
and there's not as many
voices in my head

my father lied on a bed of death
sicklied over with the ailments.
he had given up a long time ago
and now was waiting for it to takes toll
and when his finally breath spoke to the room
i was not there.
i was not able to bid him farewell
and express everything he meant to me
before he traveled to where ever
it was he was going.
probably heaven
it would be the lord's loss not to accept him.
i cried as his head rose with life
my eyes flooded with tears were diminished
as he whisper to me
that he couldn't leave
before he was finished
and then he was gone for good

it's a little bit like
waiting for your mom to pick you up
and then you see her car
but it turns out to be someone else with the same car

it would be pointless
to piece this broken canvas
back together now