i felt a breeze
for a brief, squeezing second
beneath the leaves
of fall, led to believe
you felt the same
and maybe nothing came
besides me
alone with my phone in the other hand

stretched and pulled a tendon
left on read, it’s open ended
just elipses when i sent it
never ending “just depends..”
dead before it just begun
i wish i kept it in my head
this whole stanzas overdone
just wanted someone to come home to

i’ve tried to list
the simple things
to make a list
their uniforms are sick
discarded lipstick
minus six inside of splints
for weak wrists
must be seeking ****
the G split with lighting
strict rules I drooled
on every pillow
zip lipped keeping secrets
this is
butterfly kisses

he washed until the water ran cold. he scrubbed until the sponge was smooth as satin. the unscathed stack of ***** dishes
just relax backed in the sink laughing at him.

dust sprinkled donuts
i remember you from high school
she whispered behind a curtain
made of lace and laced with liquorice
wicked little sentiments
i dropped the keys like a mile back

fiberglass on lips
ice cube on your ****
liquor in the moment
just remember to forget

something spanish stutters on our most sentimental silence
A road ribbed on both sides with violence
Finds its place inside its high tide and watching suns set
Like guns sent where nuns went
The feet in shoes on boards on wheels
The street in blues encore on orange peels

I know there’s a problem
This is not who I want be

i am frozen water
you sway in every way
you can to keep at bay
the rays the sun displays

I could be better
But I could be dead
There’s a lot of things I wish I never said
I could be happier
But I could be mad
There’s things I never said that I wish I had

blown beyond
but not between
believe in our best

you feel an empty heart
beating in the street
and thinks it’s me
reflecting specters
in your speech
if lacerations couldn’t speak
then maybe we
could wake these shaking bones
in our sleep

my toes crawl til the ***** of my feet ache
in all the tales told of hero’s and their hearts break
seconds hand just a second off making heat take
it’s place and release a cold crease now a plea ‘s made
for satan to wait a minute before he rakes
the lives of ones we love and all seems break

we walked through smog
and fields of unfamiliar flora
and something similar to rice
the judgement of korean farmers
failed to pierce the pure happiness
possessed in every tiny step you made
five fingers grasped firmly around one
and a cup full of cheerios

i’ll admit that i
have never been the type
to avoid being crucified
i’ve always been the one
to just shut the **** up

and me, deceiving me
so convinced that it’s bravery
a selfless act drenched in chivalry
the crimson handprint worn
proving i’ve never deserved much more

how do i walk away?
i’m collecting sediment
far to heavy to shift
whenever i try to run
i've always been so sentimental
so i trip and eat ****
lips and teeth rip
spittin blood red ****
train wreck, mayhem
can’t tell, me him
you her they them
cut at the stem

you left a crease inside my jeans
everything’s less scary than it seems
maybe the ends justify the means
but i still see strangers in my dreams

you drink champagne from a wine flute
but only on occasion
maybe socially, it makes you someone
people want to talk to
i drink beer
alone
at home
watching you

warm red seeping through my eyelids
while blue skies wed the cloud’s soft white beds
a sleepy breeze whispering behind the shed
lifting the frozen winters head to force him
to peak and see the tread marks of summer
searing their words into subtle spring smells
the new season thaws the thoughts
that felt like frozen hell.

too sober to feel
too drunk to feel
no in-between

you feel different, my love
you feel like remembering a password
you thought you forgot
pushing on the ceiling above
wishing it would all just cave in
maybe it’s the pavement i felt
erasing a welt, a bruise replaced
by embers just waiting to melt
my heart and my face
you pulled me away
from my personal hell

my timing is always wrong
i belong
to a select percentage
of men who consented
to a whole life tormented
by you

you asked if i had a window
i do but it only opens at the top
so people don’t jump out of it

hey
man
relax
he said

the
cops
are on their way

pay
the
fine
i try to comply

but end up in the newspaper instead

spines quiver
in the bed
pleasure delivered
giving head

embellishing my relevance
your eloquence is heaven sent
the aggressive postulant’s sentiment
flattered, yes. accept my dissent

i have felt the asphalt against my face
i have prayed and then played the same game
i have made friends and in the same breath
replaced them with an empty space
and in the hopes of status or capital gained
i have laid in wedlock against soft lace
and felt infidelity’s bittersweet embrace
i have  sinned in the face of grace
and i only wish i had taped it

the mornings always hurt too much
for the night to feel worth it
i’m broken and you’re a crutch
but in the moment it felt perfect

i think too much when i’m all alone
memories stinging like a funny bone
i think too much when i’m by myself
i’m just another toy left on the shelf

it’s beautiful
and tragic
destruction inside creation
the start of something wonderful
it is what i am supposed to become
its less uncomfortable than you believe

still nestled in the night before
I dreamt of you driving
me wild

eager fingertips slipping
between the space where your hips
create a crevices against your jeans
and eventually finding those lips
oh, how your body crests on my eclipse
and finding pleasure like a photograph
sudden and immense and wet
i want to make you feel yourself again

breathing even feels distant now
a smog of hissing remembrances of incidents
i wore a fools hat and pranced and danced
and pretended it was happen stance
a lack of loving anything for so long
became the reason i could not love at all

bathed in hatred
unscathed by your love
i am scratching scabs just like pavement
content to stay inside my asylum

im sick of slamming
face first in drywall
crimson liquid dripping
now, my nose is a waterfall
those words ricochet without fail
when all you have is a hammer
everything looks like a nail.

city skyline bright
your eyes lock in on my eyes
we felt every pulse

i sat upstairs in a lava lamp
hoping to feel the ground under my feet
fluid flooring is all my soles meet
and i do not think i feel anything

i’ve become the gray i hated
from the day i saw it paved
i’m making room for the demons
satiated in their eyes by this hatred

despondent and vacant
a spacious brain is a playground
for vagrants and the displaced fragments
of society, i feel them eyeing me.

make me whole again
make me full of love
i am solely responsible for
my own happiness
i know this now and
i will not let me down

i’ve once again sipped beyond my limit
the mornings scorned and the scars adorned
skin feels dipped in flicked cigarettes
i penned a letter, licked to stick
addressed to me, every word as slick
“please, forget that i exist.”

my hand cramps
as my sanity scans
the sand for strands
of the aforementioned man

should i shroud myself
in the great, grey?
your display will claim there’s
something wrong with me

i wanted love
and received something similar

i believed in what?
a girl who only wore sweatshirts

she spoke of the dreams she had
and none of them felt like my tee shirt
pullover, zip up or button down
now the clown that frowns is me
painting in watercolor never felt so painful

i want a love that likes laying in my bed
wasting time but never losing tread
i want a love that can play me in pool
lose a game and then play it cool
(but in a cute way)

i want a love that will love me
when i’m too drunk and hug me
let me know that everything will be okay
let me know there’s another day
when this one’s done
and the rising sun
isn’t something to run
from but something to see beauty in

i want a love i can reciprocate
i want to be ready while i wait
for you to get ready for our date.
i want to love the way you hate
the toppings on our pizza
or how the Uber was late

i want a love the loves me
that feels the things above me
realizes I’m more than
my mental fallacies
and looks past all i am
to see what i can be

his name was something
i can’t recall
but we spent a whole night
playing pool, 9 ball

overhead lights hazed blue
chalk on my cue
made a shot or two
watch his turn from a stool

next game, someone called
maybe we'll play a split
it doesn’t matter who won
we were infinite

i am wrong
more often than not
tying cherry stems
as the seeds slide
back in my throat