i guess that's what happens
quick **** then cue the dancing
the game we play
before the sky is raised
i fall back
to my room
and go through
the routine like
i'm supposed to
despite how
close to you
i get keep these
feelings in the eyelet
of my shoes
miscues laced with
dreams of second chances
that won't come true

all i have
is all you don't want
it haunts me
it taunts me
i flaunted everything
and i flaunted everything
and i flaunted all i've got
and all i got was a naked wall
and a blood clot
stating at the back of my thoughts
i think
maybe
yes i do
still have a spot reserved for you

minutes i'll never get back
have been contracted to a cat
erasing the possibility of being fired
i'm constantly tired and haven't had
a good moment in months
i often reminisce on the days
before i gave away everything
that made me me for a pair
of beige boots and a high fade
memories are usually accompanied
reluctantly hand in hand with questions
why am i really here
was it worth it
will i ever get a return on this investment
i'm pretty good with numbers
but no matter which way i cut it
the answer is on the inside of a magic eight ball

i want to be where you are
to feel your skin for it’s scars
i want to repair your heart
with greasy hands and spare parts

home is where the heart is
that's the expression
the lesson in never forgetting
everything you've been blessed with
but memory is a funny thing
it's not always on your side
it doesn't always abide with the changing tides
sometimes it writes it's own rhymes
and flies it's kite way too close to the sky

everything starts to make sense now
as fatigue takes its seat next to delusion
if i can't sleep, no one can
these hallways bang on pots and pans

ghost kings in the fog
maintaining my momentum
in the monoliths

you make me feel new
truth is, we stole the moon
when we kissed, it’s true
your skin so smooth
and my words like rusted roots
i wish i could spoke
i wish i speaked
i wish i told it
i wish i spoked
i’m broken and weak
and can only speak
of my love for you
in this drunken speech

you asked me one day
"zombie apocalypse, three people
who do you take?"
my first thought was you
so we could repopulate
but that's not what i would say
i'd just laugh and turn away
give you someone else's name
and make up an excuse like
*he's probably good with a blade

every missed cue
is a miscue
no clue why i miss you
i just do

to put it quite simply
if i could intervene, you see
my mind understands that i should just be your friend
but my heart can't comprehend
*what the **** that means

it's 12:22 am but shortly it'll be 12:23
story
of my life
nobody's gonna get it,
I don't give a ****.
that ones for me.

i hear their teeth
gnashing and chomping
screaming horrid songs
deep beneath a swamp
of shattered dreams
and things i'll never be
a set of self fulfilling prophecies
keeping them at bay would be easy
if i wasn't so ******* weak

i want my hands to play
the role of the cradle to your cranium
while my lips play the protagonist
and yours will be the love interest
the conflict consists of lack of breath and sore jaws
five minute recess and then action

soft, sweet
so curious
in my dreams
when i breathe
i hear it

my dreams are outlandish and inscrutable
and in no way can they be interpreted
trust me, i've tried

my ears begin to burn a bright red
like the leftover embers from someone's
beach front campfire
narrow eyes and paranoid mind says to me
*someone's talkin ****

there's mold and dust
what was golden once
now cold and rusted
entrusted with fifth grade kisses
a list of lost kittens and *******
the bed at an unreasonable age
locked away
in a cage
in a cave
in a wave
of soda exploding
opening a lethal dosage
of emotion and
friendship is born again

the window stood open and watching
the curtains danced to the song the late night rain played
your body painted over in constellations
found a hammock in my arms
which give birth to the hands of a musician
they pluck the secrets from your hair
and strum the pain away, serenade

keep thinking you're never wrong
while you sand down your pedestal
to stand on, you'll stand alone

cramp in a damp cavern
it's a lamp, not a lantern
not sure if a *** serve cold
is going to hold the old souls
so we can ask the man
with a *** or kettle or pan
on both hands and a bandana
fastened loosely like a noose
he writes in loose leaf
and speaks truthfully
that every fallen sapling
leaves a loose leaf

let this page be my escape
let the paper make an umbrella
let it scare away the rain
let me only hit my pillow
and not a bottle full of pain
let me wake up in my own bed
let me feel less insane.

my brother may leave soon
but he has been gone a while
somewhere west of kyiv
and south of things unsaid

these boots are caked with dirt
i see a morbid lake where a monster lurks
working to maintain his veil of secrecy
a sea of things we never want to see
an ocean of uncertainty

cloaked in immense difficulty
the things i really wish i could write
i don't feel much outside of the drumming
the things i do feel are too real
i've always been better at running

keep it steady
for if we capsize
and do cartwheels with the blue
it's going to become exponentially
harder for me to love you

i fall asleep tonight
with my ability to articulate this moment impaired
just know i had many good moments tonight
we were alone together
i don't know if you were alone with me
but i was definitely alone with you
thank god for auto-correct

the waves keeping crashing
to make a sandscape kaleidoscope
despite the dashing young man
vanishing and politely asking
*stop

someone mistook my
lacoste for axe or old spice
i was offended

when the checkered flag waves
and the street lights fade
promise me we'll stay the same
and when the roads we've paved
all go astray
promise me nothing inside you has changed

i'm fearful that maybe people were
forced to sit down and read a book
or had to talk to people
i grow anxious and sweaty just
thinking of the implications
the worst part is to imagine that
when bored, they would've gone
outside with a ball or something
*yuck picture that
picture life without technology

i closed my eyes
and felt the want sunrise
but i opened my eyes
to see my own demise

demons seeping into
my sleeping mind
the bleeding kind
the serene thoughts
deeply caught
fearlessly fought
tooth and claw
til he too was lost
fearfully sought
assistance from heart
a kindling to start
a fire to burn
a desire i deserve

feverishly i
check my inbox for any
sign you are still here

she said
not until the streetlights come on
so we laid in her bed
laughing and strong
songs of the future
curb stomped my head

a dream, it seems
a whimsical gleam
head and heart form a team
a tyrannical regime
with an evil scheme
an atrocious deed
teach your eyes to see
something just out of reach
it leaves you as you scream
on the edge of your seat
*please, let me keep it
it's all that i need

in clouds
calming down
climbing the walls
of the compound
louder now
but still,
without a sound
commence the countdown

i'm drunk
you're drunk
we have so much in common

but you won't remember this
and neither will i
back to page one

i think i built a crane
to lift the things i can’t
a wagon to carry my baggage
a ***** pack for my angst
a tote for all my love
backpack for the parts i hate
i drag these bags around
i take them to the bank

cosmetics written on her hieroglyphic lips
whispering, i’m no stranger to danger
always knew she wasn’t new to bad news
patchwork quilt of sunday comics

maybe i can do this
maybe this is a good fit
maybe i can glue a few
of these shards of broken mirror
together to make something new
reflecting.
good morning to you, too.

time seems to have become aware
of my awareness
perhaps, it's her insecurities that make
her slow down while i'm watching in awe-inspired wonderment

she lies with eyes
despising the skies
for their soaking surprise
and cataclysmic cries
under a canvas and metal stakes
hammering them with haste
so the wind won't blow it away
each missed stake a mistake
this great escape from the day to day
**was supposed to be fun

i'm afraid of confrontation
so i'll save it some place vacant
to be stagnant. decapitated.