broken glass
never tasted
so **** good

suffocating
on air i once
felt so **** pure

but now it burns like ******

these conversations make me feel less distant
but hours later, i’m left dopamine deficient
if only I could shut the **** up and listen
i’m digging spurs into the feeling i’m missing

disingenuous nonsense
i feel rotten
since when did solemn promises
become candle wax and ash?

you are the candle lit at the center of the room
dismantled the scent of the plentiful womb
you tried to displace the sins with a broom
swept against the grain, the ending soon
credits rolling like dust on the moon
mountains sang the songs that you swoon to.
every bit of energy diminished
and every little memory lived in
you felt that way once and again
attempt to live in it
but bones settle like dust
as you wish to turn back the rust

tendrils from my brain
sick and twisted
sinister things that grip
and bring pain
disassociate, i feel a sweet wave
of relief, relax and this pain
starts to recede
i’m vacant
whatever misshapen
false sense of relief
decides to retrieve
the fragments of my grief
it’s his to keep.

there is this strange,
soft buzz in my vision
static words waft across
the canvas of my consciousness
devoid of connection
roots stem into branches that die
any lie i’ve told might as well be truth
this disconnection starts beneath my tooth
i try to relate through a slate of grey
but every shade is skewed by rain
i have not had a true friend since i was
maybe…
eight

beautiful
sepia dust fallen upon
the lost and all creeping
relinquished the desperate
some simple lamenting beyond
whatever is cemented in
happy, green lawns
and illuminated lights to celebrate the holidays
being composed on any tier is sentimental

his screaming, dead, grey
cast iron eyes were strong
petrified by conjured up lies
bent over and built with bronze

burnt and glazed
like candle wax upon his own lips
everything grey was turned to
spent silver bullets

all the shell casings dropped into a hot tin
the last remaining platinum lips
the metals that still haunt him

he split the bones in my shins
and broke my nose
broke skin
to avoid a social,
hey how are you
hello
again

dim lit violet flowers.
split the domestic silence
into orange slices,
divided and dispersed
amongst the children.
all responsibility for
psychiatric casualty
no longer your own.
free to fill the glass
with half-full happiness
while the litter are splintered
with fiber glass from sandbags
and burdened shoulders.

it’d be a shame to watch this burn
without dancing around the flames
after all the things i've learned
i still turned out just the same
another year spent wishing
i was anybody else
another night spent living
in my own personal hell

i want to be in love again
the necessity of morning coffee beyond
head spinning drunk and madly grinning
devious shifting of hips and hops cementing
nights that never end until the
sunrise starts ringing

i want to be in love again
or just a little bit closer than only talking
when you want to or when it’s not too
inconvenient

i can’t drink enough to live the way i want to
lamenting everything i left inside my youth
****

when you wake up in the golden hour
sunlight turned the drinks all sour
put down that cue and head for the door
too many nights have i felt the power
of an evil that loves nothing but to devour
a broken man with both knees on the floor

i remember hiding by a garbage can
while the paramedics checked my fathers hand
one broken deadbolt and blood on the frame
i wear my scars like a cattle brand
this dysfunctional family is who i am
i will change myself cause i cannot change my name

settle in and set the kettle
the refs meddling deserve a medal in
the sport of *******
discontent with leveling
the mantle piece, a beast displayed
is causing weather in the living room
we never win
when all we know is heaven sent
disregard for the malcontent
the ones whose hell was heaven spent
content to feel the breeze against the heat
like ice melting on sweet tea

you may never know about the love we made
but i hope one day you know the same
shiver down your spine
at the sound of your lover’s name

this unyielding winter
splintered but inured
for the cold that reached inside me
is something i’ve endured

this unrelenting snow
blows shivers in my bones
but let this chill go thirty below
it’s a pain that i have known

spring will bring a harbinger
of warmth and sunny glow
but i’ll remain frozen in places
to thaw all on my own