my brother may leave soon
but he has been gone a while
somewhere west of kyiv
and south of things unsaid

my eyes meet your baby blue gaze
“nice to meet your face”, they say
my heart keeps a pace
adjacent to a train racing
to replace itself and sound and light
and if he attacks me
i hope it is not tonight

in my indulgence
i dove inside
her scent of home
i felt justified
to be alone.

when she broke my stride
i tripped and fell
and i watched the scabs decide
which bones to reside in

i spent a day away
and after that, all i can say
is i felt the distance like a scab
itching for a hurt you never had

how tucking dumb of me to think my absence
would make your heart grow fonder
imagine my surprise when you found
delight at the sight of me underground

should i shroud myself
in the great, grey?
your display will claim there’s
something wrong with me

i hate you
splitting beds with me
spitting lies through teeth
gritted against other men beneath
your sheets, uncertainly
lack of self esteem. in me.
you never denied it
when i said you cheated

let this page be my escape
let the paper make an umbrella
let it scare away the rain
let me only hit my pillow
and not a bottle full of pain
let me wake up in my own bed
let me feel less insane.