Seahaven and coffee start my morning
After a short night out
Including a blunt ride and showing
Of old memories and current friends
I can't help but to look
Like I'm from the nineties
To people who were adults back then
I slip into my sky high thoughts
About how pretty the sky looks
And how wonderful my cigarettes taste
I block out the people around me but one
She recognizes this but brings me back down
Listening to 90s country
For memory's sake
We blare the radio,
Sing along to the BBQ stain song
I'm not sure what happened in between
This is the best ending I could get
Before I fell asleep
In a nineties sweater
Between three blankets and sheets
With my dog curled at my feet.

Our bodies making music in the sheets,
These are memories we need to keep.
Our whispers echo softly
Into each other's soul
Overlapping and corresponding to each beat
We make music in the sheets.

She wanted to be numb.
Like the way your skin feels after being so cold.
Like the way a cigarette felt when you've been chain-smoking.
She wanted to be alone.
The way you sit in the bubble bath.
The way you wait for the bus.
She wanted to be gone.
Like the way the moon felt from the earth.
Like the way the dead must feel.

Blistered thoughts,
Scabbed heart,
Rugged skin,
And empty eyes
These are things she hides behind.

It's cold
There's a slight breeze
A puff of smoke
Legs covered in goosebumps
Fingers trembling
A menthol taste
Small conversation in the back
With a rustle of pants fading
A splinter almost caught
Tires drive by
Alone on this bench
Is where'd I'd like to stay

Relapse.
It happens over days,
Even though it only seems like one.
There's a steady decline,
A slow moving train.
A step towards isolation,
A step away from civilization.
One missed pill,
Turns into a few.
I skipped a meeting,
Maybe two.
I scratched myself a hole in the shower.
I thought to myself I felt better.
This is the decline,
The step away from stability.
That landed me here.
Here in these grey walls,
Again.

I'm starting to forget your smile,
The way your lips would curl
Showing off your crooked teeth

I'm not holding memories
Of how your eyes lit up
Especially when I'd make you chuckle

I'm beginning to lose focus
On the way your hair felt
Intertwined in my fingers
Soft, tight curls becoming loose

I'm losing touch
With the place beside your hip bones,
The crook of your shoulder too

I'm forgetting you
I'm forgetting what it's like to love