I can see light through the wall,
as it is wearing thin with age.  
It makes it even bleaker to exist here.

Wanting to relive yesterday
When you were still who I thought you were
Never wanting to realize
You pretended all that I loved

Caught off-guard
By the way I felt at the news
I realized that I was drowning
In the blood of my broken heart

When I said that I'd be bad company
I meant that only you could brighten my day
The sound of your voice is my sunshine

When I offered for you to let me be
I meant that I would never force you to tolerate me
But hoped that you would want me by your side anyway

When I pushed you aside, however delicately
I meant for you to not want to go
For you to just sit with me for awhile

When I said I wasn't in the mood to talk
I meant for you to sit with me
In comfortable silence until you kissed me happy

When I sent you a message warning of my grumpy
I meant for you to call me
And make sure I was alright

When I said that I couldn't
I meant for you to show me that you believed in me
To help me believe in myself

When I set you free
I meant for you to not want to leave
For you to stay with me always

is it the dream or the possibility
the want or the need
the pull within is ripping
at the fabric of my being
who I am and how I am made
are too quickly blowing away
the goal of the long term
is changing now, today
the past begets the future
that is on the verge of change
and dreams that lay awake
can cause your plans to rearrange

Drowning in verbosity
Lost in time
For I cannot express
In prose or rhyme
The beauty that enlivens
Kindred by chance
A victim by choice
or circumstance?
A victimless crime?
A passionate flare
Unexpected rawness
Enter, enter if you dare
Challenges accepted
Without hesitation
Jump into darkness
Accede consummation
Oh my pretty, pretty one
Whatever have we done
With hell deep in your eyes
The claiming has begun
Every calculation
And each strategic move
An action for an action
Every step it does behoove
How easily the game is played
When lines are drawn in black
Maneuvering each bitty piece
Not giving any slack
Training like a solider
Satisfying every need
Holding on to nothing
The past promised to impede
Eating demons in the flesh
A Knight in rusted armor
Feeding darkness innocence
Inherently a charmer
There you are so handsome
Seemingly sweet and kind
Hidden far behind those eyes
Lives a *****, evil mind

Heart shaped boxes with red satin ribbons
Pink stuffed atrocities that have no use
Sappy lovesick greeting cards
Flowers that always die

Cheap chocolate massed produced
Three months of brainwashing prior
Chalky hearts profess true love
The lonely always cry

Made up days of forced romance
Bullied into mass compliance
Pressured into jewelry sales
Empty grand gestures prevail

Today is a day for puppy love
An excuse to eat by candlelight
Public affection is cool tonight
As we've appeased the Gods of retail

A day like any other day
Rising and setting moon and sun
Though nothing has changed
The heart races still

Though the chocolates are cheesy and stale
And flowers will die tomorrow
Though the world bullied the romance
I've been taken against my will

To the land of cotton candy dreams
For a few heartfelt words on paper
A card that speaks your love
And the truth that is in your eyes

Nervously, the gifts accepted
I am almost at a loss
Tears begin to well a little
And I pray the words don't lie

May I stay in this land of make-believe
Where it feels like a fairytale
Make tonight's dream, forever's reality
Wishes on wishing stars come true

Sarcastically with cynicism
And a dry wit that defines my nature
Hidden deep within the core
Of things I said I would never do

I will savor every chocolate
As if it is your warm lips on my own
And every word and cheesy line
Is the most beautiful I ever read

For you have chosen it just for me
Filled with all you cannot say
So I cherish my pink and heart-filled card
Because it is to me the words are said

From me, there is no cheesy gift
No candy covered sweets tonight
Nothing retail overblown
Just a small white box with a  hand tied bow

A poem in my own hand
As I give my heart on patterned paper
So simple, but it's everything.
Please don't ever let me go

Never have I been the best at hiding how I feel.  There is no peaceful game.  My face reveals the truth.  Never to be doubted.  Nothing left to wonder.  Still, I reign it in.  I stifle my reality in an attempt to keep you close.  So tender-hearted beneath that thickening shell.  The shell I penetrated somehow.  Once you found me in your heart, you pushed with all your might.  Trying to get me out.  I cannot be budged. Yet, I am not free to love you.  You refuse to let me be yours in theory or practice.  You love me, but not by choice.  Fear of the possibility of pain keeps you at bay.  Yet saving yourself from pain has deemed my own inconsequential.  For running from me pulls out my heart.  

Pushing me away
What's best, or just what's easy
Burns holes in my soul

Not one to take the easy way out.  Suffering to love you.  There is no expectation of love requited.  There is nothing but a dream, part memory part wishful thinking.  Hot needles still poke at me, slowly breaking me down.  Weakening my very being with the sharp jabs of stinging words or careless action, or worse...absolute inaction.  I have learned to stop expecting the "Morning Sunshine" or "'Night Darlin'" that used to brighten each day.  Those thoughtless things, the tiny nothing things that let me know I was on your mind.  So far from nothing those nothings were.  Days and nights seem incomplete in their absence.  Weaning to make your days bearable makes mine unendurable, empty, and melancholy has come to underlie all things.  

Joy of love melts ice
Heat smothered by a tear cloud
Threadbare soul survives

Challenges faced sideways leave blind spots. Choices made by indecision.  Letting mistakes be made, watching as they choose wrong. I see the truth and know what I know.  Everything is aligned for my own misfortune.  For as a bystander, I lay no claims.  Anything I do will hasten the inevitable.  So I let the weaning drip down to nothing.  Reluctantly I watch as you disappear with my heart in hand.  I stood firm as you ran away in place.  You turned to me, you needed me, you loved me.  As the clouds dissipate and the sun creeps over the horizon, With the blue sky I turn to mist. Slowly fading to the past.  A ghost of could've been, used to be, and never was

**Surrender takes time
                        Reluctantly relinquished
                                               I will fight no more

He turned around and looked at me
And his vision made me sick
So I ****** his eyes out of his skull
And skewered them on a stick

Roasted on an open flame
Turning evenly to toast
Hoping as his pupils pass
It's me he sees the most

Tongue chewed from within his face
No screams of discontent
He tried to say, "you're beautiful"
But lies on the tongue ferment

His rancid meat is useless
So I feed it to the worms
Now, wasted words are gasps for air
And no longer my concern

He tried to write, "I'm sorry"
With fingers drenched in blood
So I chopped them into pieces
And spread them through the neighborhood

So as I whispered in his ear
Of all his evil ways
I saw that bitter molten tube
Grow solid as it swayed

So I ground it into sausage
While it was still attached
And wondered, quite in passing,
Why unto me he chose to latch

So here we are me and my feast
And him bleeding on the ground
As buzzards rend the flesh from bone
With me laughing at the sound

The darkness called me, needing me
Wanting me to follow and cover myself
And I slipped away, silently
Lost in the shadows that beckoned so sweetly
I took refuge in the fog
Whose dappled light was just enough
To lead me deeper into you