Screaming, crying,
No one cares
Fighting, kicking
No one sees
Panicking, despairing,
No one knows
Drinking, smoking,
No one joins
Waiting, watching,
No one here
Shouting, calling,
No one there
End it all,
No one could stop it

That feeling when you're empty
And lonesome
In need of distraction
Something to fill you

That feeling when you know
The world is cold
And you just want
To be warm

So you push and pull
And struggle
Past the wall of thoughts
And worries

Forcing your mind to the alley
To the ***** streets
Where lovely things die
And the wholesome withers

You dive into nastiness
Depravity
A ****** highway
To hell

Because when you arrive
You die
And not in the way
You hoped you would

The hands and mouths of ghosts
Have all left
You're cold on the bed
And still alone

The last light of ******
Flickers out
Like a repossessed dream
Like a phantom

The space between sleep
Is now laughing
But you cannot tell
From whence it comes

Reminding you of
Your feeble attempts
At escaping
By the highway

Seasonal affective disorder
Is all the ******* rage:

Seclude yourself!
Ignore your friends!
Blow off your obligations!
Justify your behavior!
You're SAD!
YOU DON'T NEED TO FIX IT!
It's the way to freedom!
Never deal with people again!
Never deal with issues again!
Just curl up in bed!
You deserve to be SAD!
DON'T go outside!
DON'T communicate!
DON'T apologize!
Just!
Be!
SAD!

She lives in a house

With many walls

Not just the four on the outside

But many, many walls

That guide her along

And form halls

And she obeys the halls

Because she doesn't know

She can walk through

Walls



She loves boys

Who dream

Because she doesn't believe

That she can



She is chaos

Imploding

And retained

By some force

Of sheer social

Fuckery



She stands in a field

And suddenly realizes

She is agoraphobic



The fear

is not

the LONELINESS

It is

the ABSENCE

of a

HUMAN SHIELD



She weeps

For she has no shield

From the weapons

She made

Herself



She cannot change



To do so

Would be

To ****** God

And to take His place

And to stain His throne

With menstrual blood

To walk His valleys

Bathed in scents

Adorned in jewels



She would be Eternal

And that can never be

Unless you count the crushing regret

I feel like an inflatable raft
With a leak
That I can't find
Because it's so small

It may take a while
I'll still end up
Deflated

But...hear me out...what if I actually do die alone?

Boop

(Actually, I love you.)

I want to be happy while I'm sober

I want to be rested when I wake

I want to be strong enough to fight

I want so many things

But I'll have to settle for

Wasted
Weary
Weak

At least for now

27, coming right up
But I'm feeling Amy
Feeling like 27
Might be the end

A reckless pursuit
A dangerous dance
A perilous game
Finding someone new

Hey-
At least
Most of them
Touch me

They say I shouldn't
Read into things
And that I should
Take things at face value

But I can't
Just ignore
All the little reminders
Of my shortcomings

The sighs after I speak
The shifting of their feet
The silent gestures
And the blessed absence

They say I'm all I need
And I shouldn't want more
That I should fix me
Even though I'm the mess

The madness
The insanity
The levity
Of the irony

**** all of you
**** all of me
Leave me be
But set me free

I'm not free to be me

My roommate's dog is howling out back
Someone stole my garage door opener
So now I'm gonna get robbed
AGAIN
**** this city
**** sobriety
**** life
**** all of it
Because I'm alone
Always
Always
Always
Alone
I deactivated all of my accounts
And slipped quietly away from it all
And crawled into my first day of
Hell
The world
And everything in it
Can kiss my ***
Because I'm in a decided state
Of HATRED
And it hasn't even been
24 hours

****.