all i have is hate in my heart
and it's vile
maybe it's hate to mask the pain i feel -
because hate is easier to explain than pain
maybe it's a heart hardened by years of constant heartbreak and hurt
maybe it isn't hate
maybe it's a lack of understanding
maybe it's not me
maybe it's all just you
i will always blame myself for everything - because blaming you means i hurt you
and that's the worst feeling in the world and the hardest to come to terms with
i can't blame you because i ruined it
maybe we're both at fault
but you're honest... i think
at least you had guts to tell me some sort of truth
and not run away like a coward
but maybe you are a coward
because you didn't tell me the truth from the beginning
did you lie to me?
you probably don't think you did,
but i kind of think so and it makes me sick
you said you were different
you said you wouldn't do what they did
i will thank you for not using me for my body
and i am grateful that you understood where i was coming from
i loved you then, i love you, i truly think i always will love you
i'm trying to extinguish the burning hatred
and numb the pain
i'm trying my hardest
but it'll never be enough
ripped this right from the notes app on my phone. not proud of these feelings at all