In an weird way
I owe you a thank you
Because when you broke my heart
I realized that there are still parts of me
That are soft enough to be broken
And that is a gift not many can give me

You made me feel
Silly and
Stupid and
Ashamed,
That you
A simple boy
Was the thing that destroyed me

Not years of loneliness or mistreatment or trials

No
It was just a simple boy with a crooked smile
Who broke down all my walls
Who peeled back the hard layers of my heart
And gave breath to all the softness I forgot was there
It was just silly you
Making me fall in love with you
Only to make me watch you fall out of love with me

It was that, that destroyed the girl no one else could ****

It's just love
But oh,
Love is the most potent thing any human can go through

My brain can not understand
That the man I knew is dead
And the one who killed him
Stands in front of me

Because the two
Inhibit the same body

You can't erase me
Not after the way I loved you

You don't get to forget me

I don't get why we think drinking numbs the pain
Because no matter the amount
You're still consuming my brain

It hits me in the weirdest ways

Like when I see a picture
Of you wearing a t-shirt I don't recognize

Or being asked questions about you
That I don't know the answer to

And while I've moved on
It never gets easier realizing that
*you moved on too.

And even in my drunken haze
I wondered
What you'd think of me now
With men draped all over me
Kissing me and touching me in your favorite spots

I wonder if these men can taste you
Because your kiss still lingers on my skin
I wonder if they can tell the difference
Between you
And the brokenness that you left behind

I'll never understand what you saw in her

But what does it matter?
Because whatever it was
It made you believe I was worth leaving

You bought me roses
I watched them die

You told me you loved me
I believed every lie

What happened inside of you?
What changed?
When did I go from being the person who gave life to your breath
To the tedious chore you felt obligated to acknowledge?

You asked where it all fell apart
And I replied
"We both loved you the most"

I was fire
And you were the house
I burned in you
Till we were doused out
So now we're just ashes
Some new girl will try to blow away
But no one could forget
How brilliantly we blazed