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 Oct 2016
Butch Decatoria
Is it insomnia
when I don't care for sleep?

The sort of sleep that is belligerent
interruptions at each half past
in the middle of every hour,
intervals of interlopers
awoken by invisible passersby
floating enemies striking me
with the hatred of their kinesis
cerebral lightning at my heart
or attempts at my suffocation
as I wake to a coughing start,
intruders invading my dream mind
as well as its peace

anything that would hurt me
they revel in my breaking,
I can hear the clicking of laughter
of teeth...

Deserts and all our cities
should have crickets,
yet Vegas feels like its been dying
the quiet now replete
no chirp of the lucky bugs
nor busying of bees with their buzz
rather its the fizzle of neon panic
the beatitude of cheats
the machinations of gamblers' defeat

or sometimes mostly
this deep in the twilight
a swarm of Ninjas, Suzuki, Kawasaki roars
toward their kabuki foot rubs
a twenty gets you a dub
rub you long time
for an hour behind red doors

Try to spank myself to sleep
if not to exhaustion,
but I can still hear the distant piercing
screaming
of latter days & soilent green
the secret war as alien is to any sound
sleep.

They look like people
we look like meat,
the living dead
their sake's flesh
all torn away and beat
up like faithful lovers that creep
seduced by the sluice
of the street / symphonies,
of rocket ship Discovery

Can't turn the volume down
in the black of night
when my mind's eye
is behind a veil
in the dark of 2:22
(in recovery)
and still the aliens
wretchedly wail...

whilst i'm
slumming in attempts at slumbering,
the greys are watching
humans lumbering
               and *******
two twenty two
in the dim
twilight
morning...
 Oct 2016
Butch Decatoria
Listen
Technicolor dream screen
Conditioned glob of a thing,

Synchronicity / listen / close
                                                 Electric sanity

All a pulse a puzzle
Abuzz in wandering  wonder
(In the brain)

Explosive rain / pains:
Alight
Each breaking bone
Thunder loud
Razor-heat bullet hole

You are mind
Always a flight
Even in respites' malingering
Wight
Ghosts
Living machinations
                            Of physical information
Kept / Wept
Even in plundering / times

Deformity

It is difficult to hear you
In the dark vale / veil shrouds
Truth...

Listen to all the pandering /
Crimes :
Symptomatic cacophony
Like pixelatious chaos
Snow of black & white

Void of hi-def depth
Just a box of a skull / **** tube / (blight)

Still flesh heavy
In the silt of reality's sleights

Conditioned for numb
To naught care / less aware
Chewing gum

As the wilderness from without
Floods
Cantankerous / gelatinous
Countries of grey
Matter
Overwhelming mind

Rather than mind over
                                Thought to spontaneous
Flame
Create universe
In your vox cave

So listen closer now
Such multitudes of crave
Life,ride focus to rife clarity
Imagination & knowledge - just the same
As sane and
Obtuse / for Over- use /
Voracity...


I am you
And you are I

I am the fire
Magic in the eye

If we are one
And one are we
Shed light in this space
Mountain / that is mine

Seeing is knowing
Stay true to thine
                     For you are mind
Technicolor wisdom now

Awake

No longer dead or blind /
Listen, no word need spat
This is the beginning of all that

We are infinite

Music
I hear You at last...

No enemy minds
Listen.
 Oct 2016
Butch Decatoria
It's not easy speak
or a Speak Easy
when conversing with him,
dark'ling gremlin toothless grin
but he's your friend so I carry on
with Yoda in the corner of my mind
"judgmental you must be not"
and Comicon's collective excitement fading
as the light will do in the west...

We speak easy with the circling
of the communal pipe
crystal peace in mists of glass orbs
oil burner fog horns
piercingly in & between my ears
but its not so easy to ignore
the scent of death in his halitosis

We spoke of Superheroes
their idiosyncratic identities
His secret celebrity crushes  
envying Green Lantern’s ring finger
he speculates on Cyclop's orientation,

"Y don’t you make me an X man, professor?"

Informatively encyclopedic volubility,
Mike speaks queerly and toofless
yet well versed on oral
said he rims pacific beach boys
(And I can smell the white lies
wafting from his mouth)
as I color at his studly fairy tales
and his idolatry of prepubescent innocence
the hyper kind of *******
as he verbally recalls the taste of how sweet
the sweet untouched were...

"The most gorgeous boys I’ve ever seen
in **** or anyplace on the face of the planet
comes from and are probably ******* now
in Europe... Mmm, European boys...
I want to use my life’s savings to go there
enter the war zone and come back wounded..."


I can't even imagine
Shrapnel jacked backside, points and protrusions
grandiloquent mouths and holes full of
enunciations...

"Fourteen is the age of consent there..." he is smiling
a caricature of a wolf *** fang less
Such a pseudo wanna-be
possibly already
******* friend from the broken rainbow factory,
how I chuckle uncomfortably
shake my head disbelievingly

oh the humorous horror of it...

(I'm grinding my teeth, until I notice myself
doing so and get an image of him
with a gummy grin,
I preoccupy my thinking
nodding as I half-heartedly half listen)
 Oct 2016
Butch Decatoria
Evening shimmers wet with Autumn rain
It's sheen reflectors, mirrors, eyes

Of cavorting shadows amongst the fey
Like city tinsil this Samhain night,

Oh how lovely colors celebrate
With ghostly kin & youthful lights...

With cirque painted skins and facade
Of candied ghoulish grins,

How sweet & innocent the haunted highs
Infects each home, "trick'r'treat" of hymns.

Laughter like All's been forgiven,
All seems right, again...

Though hidden faces -  forgotten sins,
Speak sie la vie this holiday,

With carved pumpkins, witches' cry,
Screams are as illusion as the fright,

This Samhain even tide .

It's all babes and monsters ball
This hallowed eve
This Samhain night

Tra la li, tra la lay
Then tomorrow is Hop tu naa...
The days after for all our saints...

Come the winter will be white,
As the ghosts this Samhain night.
 Oct 2016
Butch Decatoria
To be without you

Means nothing to want

Attention.

Seems I'm jaded...

My eyes are Abyssinian

Searching for red laser

Point

On the walls,

On pedestrian faces,

And none will ever

Ever do.

But to be without you

Means I am

Nothing.   Wanting  

Attention

Nothing     Wanting

You.

Are you in them rivers

In these herds?

These lakes of

                     Lips

Kissing the silence of melancholy?

Means nothing

To want

Your poetry

Feeling much much more

Than

Pedestrian.
 Oct 2016
Butch Decatoria
What genius evening keeps secret and moribund...

His foot falls echo the chill of November deep
Tapping, clapping, wrapping
His man heavy fragility in wool

How distant and suddenly wide is the night.

What shrewd skills fear casts--a mask,
That evening keeps him wary, attentive as wax,
For Shadows shed no comfort for this lamb,

His rhythm once lord of the dance.

Pulsing toes as eyes flash to every creak, whispers;
The Depth of sightlessness made paranoid
by twisted twilight shapes, shifting, nerves frozen with haste…

His weakness, not knowing, a pallid winter on his face.

Even now the slow climb upon his back
Carried by the slip of a breeze laying waste,
A soundtrack of dead leaves and black.

His foot falls stomping to clash and map
A stroll as reality saves nothing sincere, when fear
Deepens in his bones resolve to panic...

What genius a weapon: dark flights of fancy

And the conditioning of youth to preconceive,
Strange and delicate spaces between the ears
Defeated before finding a sure foot

Before reaching a well lit street
Familiar and familial suburbs of a mind
Diminished by the subterfuge of fear…

His foot falls turn a corner
And the sound of concrete and conflict
Disappear…




SUBTERFUGE
Edit 11012016
 Oct 2016
Butch Decatoria
Witches are *******
bald as the ditches
aflood with mud


Witches with itches
hiding their switches
go stabbing ****** blood


Witches unflinching
beware the Hand, clenching
it's the hour of the good


Comes comely from wishes
Mum's babies' light / kisses.
Ten Fold Law be done.
Blessed be, mothers and the earth.
 Oct 2016
Butch Decatoria
I am full on wonder
from basking in the love
in your eyes
not knowing how to lie
or become hollow
looking down...

Let the bulls run past
Don't let that lightning flash
die
not your spirit into glass
In your eyes
I can feel   (at last)    forever...

with Love, together

I am full on wonder.


*Ask why can't I
be loved... like that - with all that
kind of thunder?
              too young yet for such loud hunger
  
stay fly cupid's child
don't go to older
                    hangrily mourning
not just yet  
relive your jet's / slow burn
if there's only one roll
it's your turn
               on the die -- just once I'd like
to see someone smile...

The mind of my youth
ain't afraid to die --quicksilver
                               
my lightning love is
deepest with your thunder

Listen to an old man...
stay young and get
                                 full on wonder.
 Sep 2016
Butch Decatoria
Now I can understand why
They self medicate

Now the weight of the world
Fallen on me

The heaviness of mid-life
Not yet having lived one

Here,
Where it is hot all the time

And hurriedly we go
Like on hot coals

Like in a hell made
Of us consuming ourselves
Sin city
Fake
           A life I cannot take...
 Sep 2016
Butch Decatoria
The bowl of a glass ashtray
on the night-stand
is brimming with cigarette
butts and burnt tobacco.

This is what wasted
time looks like.

Grey songs
of a caged bird:
*ashes and cigarette butts
 Sep 2016
Butch Decatoria
To mull about

The haunts we are bound

Foggy cemeteries of cubic square feet

The days of purple haze

Of sallow street cars, street lamp, lamp light

Loss of desire

Pop another oxy-hydro-fire

To be able

To muck about

With abandon the abandonments

Numb battlements   / "Hoorah!"

Numb the pain

With derivatives

From ******* plantations

Lingering ghosts on our minds

So many now we prey

But with a side affect of try

Holding in your **** for three plus days

So as not to feel

Not at all

Not even the rage

We keep and hold inside our cages

Proclaiming to hallelujah

Freedom

We fight for the countries

And mystic kingdoms' reign

Because nothing takes away

The pain

Like Hydro Oxy foxy pills

Self medicate down wind of will

If unaffected "consult your physician"

At the edge of the stage making it rain

The business of death

If you still feel -- and war will

Give you bad dreams and migraines

Pop another pill

Jagged not to feel

The muck-about days of

Constipated steel

Numbingly unreal...

This is what it's like : life on the toilet.

Get off the ***

Can't give a ****

Like this bowel movement

My heart has called it quits

To all that unholy *******.
 Sep 2016
Butch Decatoria
All you have are bones,
our flesh once giants, lies, dust,
my feelings extinct.
 Sep 2016
Butch Decatoria
White mulberry leaves,
its veins Univoltine wines .
Silk, worm's waste of time.
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